Lady in White
Dir: Frank LaLoggia
1988
*****
Frank LaLoggia's creepy 1988 classic is based on the global Lady in White legend. Many different countries and cultures tell a similar tale of a ghostly female figure who wonders certain areas at night. The ladies in white are usually said to be ghosts of ladies who have lost someone or who have been betrayed in some way. LaLoggia's particular Lady in white is loosely based on the legend of a ghost who is said to roam Durand-eastman Park in Rochester, New York, close to where the film was shot. The film is the perfect visualization of a scary story you'd tell each other on sleepovers or around a camp fire. It's classed as a kids film but it scared me to pieces the first time I saw it as a child and it still has the same effect on me now as an adult. There is a wonderful fantasy element about the film too, it's almost dreamlike, albeit a bad dream, an eerily familiar and insidious bad dream at that. LaLoggia has tapped into a child's nightmare. I love the Nightmare on Elm Street series as much as anyone but I didn't have bad dreams about characters like Freddy Kruger, I had bad dreams about Ghosts and people watching me as I slept. The the scariest element of the film is probably the idea of getting locked in school overnight, surely the worst possible situation for any child. When Lukas Haas' character Frankie (still the best role of his career) tries to convince his family of what he's seen, you can't help but scream at the screen with him, such is the film's flawless ability to embroil and involve the viewer. It's a childhood favorite of mine that I think still holds up today. It should be watched with the lights off, under a blanket, with hot chocolate, late on Christmas Eve.

Four Flies on Grey Velvet

Dir: Dario Argento

1971

****

The conclusion to Dario Argento's chilling Animal trilogy is good but doesn't quite come close to the greatness of The Bird With the Crystal Plumage or Cat o' Nine Tails. I liked it but the lack of structure is a glaring omission and is something of a problem. I watched the recently released uncut version and in the extras the assistant director and co-writer Luigi Cozzi explains that there wasn't much thought involved, it's basically a bunch of scenes with some cool deaths strung together. A lot of it is tribute to films and literature both he and Argento admired at the time and the dialogue between the main character and the private detective was stolen word for word, albeit in admiration, from another film. You couldn't get away with that kind of thing these days but then there is a lot you couldn't do before Four Flies on Grey Velvet did. While confronting a mysterious stalker in sunglasses, rock drummer Roberto Tobias (Michael Brandon) inadvertently stabs the man when the stalker pulls out a knife. A mysterious masked figure shines a spotlight on the incident and snaps several photographs. Roberto reads about the man's death in the newspaper the next day, and receives a letter identifying the man as one Carlo Marosi. During a recording session with his bandmates, Roberto's maid Amelia catches a glimpse of him with the photographs, but does not intervene. That night, Roberto begins having recurring dreams of being decapitated in a Persian arena. He awakens to find himself being attacked by a masked person, who tells him that he could kill him now, but won't because he "isn't finished with him." The person knocks Roberto out and flees. When Roberto's wife Nina (Mimsy Farmer) returns home, he confesses to her about the accidental stabbing and subsequent harassment, telling her that he can't go to the police. Roberto goes to see his beatnik artist friend Godfrey (Bud Spencer), who lives at a shack with his con-artist colleague nicknamed the Professor (Oreste Lionello), confiding in them about his problem. Godfrey (known as 'God' for short) suggests having the Professor keep an eye on him. His tormentor has a flashback of being committed to an insane asylum and being tied down to a bed. When the maid Amelia (whom the tormentor evidently knows) attempts to blackmail Roberto's tormentor, the person locks her inside of a city park after hours and kills her with a straight razor. That evening, Nina picks up her cousin Dalia (Francine Racette) from the train station. She comes to stay with Nina and Roberto, despite Roberto's reluctance. His bandmate Mikro asks why he skipped rehearsal. Nina receives a phone call informing her of Amelia's murder. Roberto has the same nightmare of being decapitated again and awakens to a loud noise. He investigates but only hears his pet cat hissing. The next morning, the couple find a note from the killer, frightening Nina. Carlo Marosi is revealed to be alive and well, in league with Roberto's tormentor to blackmail him. Carlo, however, wants out, and is killed by the tormentor with razor wire. Meanwhile, the Professor tells Roberto that he saw someone last night in his back garden, holding his cat wrapped in a blanket. The Professor tells Roberto that he may need to seek outside since he is too afraid to continue watching Roberto's house anymore. Roberto meets with Arrosio (Jean-Pierre Marielle), an eccentric and flamboyantly gay private investigator. Arrosio admits to never having solved a case, but is optimistic his bad record will be broken. Arrosio asks Roberto questions about his life and about Nina; when they met and how long they were married. Roberto mentions that Nina received a large inheritance. Roberto drops Arrosio off and returns to his house, where Nina is leaving with police officers investigating Amelia's murder. She tells Roberto she is unwilling to remain in the house anymore with someone stalking them. Roberto, however, resolves to stay and invites Dalia over. That evening, Dalia confesses romantic feelings for Roberto, and the two have sex. Afterwards, Arrosio arrives and gives Roberto some photos of his past and his family as well as Nina's and Dalia's. They find the pet cat's head severed and wrapped in plastic. That night, Roberto has his nightmare again. Arrosio phones Roberto to say that he’s found a "strange physical resemblance" in one photo, while going through Roberto's old papers, but that it may only be a red herring. Arrosio tells Roberto that he's found the name "Villa Rapidi" and asks if anyone ever mentioned it; Roberto claims ignorance of it. The ‘Villa Rapidi’ turns out to be the name of a psychiatric clinic. Arrosio travels there where he enquires with a doctor about a patient (whose name and gender are not mentioned), who stayed there for three years as a teenager after being deemed a homicidal maniac. Arrioso learns that the patient's father, who had institutionalized the patient, died suddenly of a heart attack. The patient’s mental symptoms then inexplicably disappeared, and the patient was subsequently discharged. The doctor relays his suspicion that the man who committed the teenager was not the patient's real biological father. Arrosio tracks down the killer’s residence in a boarding house, and follows the killer into a metro station only to be killed in a bathroom stall by the killer with a poison-filled syringe. Learning of Arrosio’s murder, Godfrey insists Roberto leave Rome immediately, but he refuses, determined to find the killer himself. Meanwhile, Dalia notices a strange similarity between a recent photo of Roberto and Nina and some unseen person in another photo. Before she can contact Roberto, the killer breaks in. She hears noises and climbs stairs to an attic, hiding in a wardrobe, but when she emerges, the killer stabs her to death. Roberto returns home to find the body. The police perform an optographical test to see the last thing Dalia saw before she died, but only get a blurry image of four dark smudges against a gray background, an image which the technician refers to as "four flies on gray velvet." They are unsure what this means. Knowing the killer will likely come for him next, Roberto loads a gun and waits. Dozing off, he has the same recurring nightmare (which now includes the actual decapitation of the victim in the arena). Godfrey rings to ask if he’s okay; then the line goes dead. Just then, Nina arrives home from her long getaway, Roberto almost shooting her as she enters the front door. Roberto tries to make her leave, when Nina's pendant necklace (a fly enclosed in glass) swings, giving the appearance of more than one fly. Roberto realizes Nina is the killer and tries to fight back. Nina grabs Roberto's gun and shoots him in the shoulder. As he lies wounded on the floor, Nina explains how she was placed in the asylum by her abusive stepfather, who both raised her as a boy, and beat her. His death cured her condition, but when she met Roberto years later, he reminded her of her stepfather. So she married Roberto and planned a murder/blackmail scheme using Roberto as a surrogate for the stepfather, due to his Roberto's striking similarity to the stepfather. Nina repeatedly shoots Roberto, but Godfrey arrives, allowing Roberto to knock the gun from Nina's hands. Nina runs to Roberto's car and speeds away. But in a twist of fate, she rams into the back of a truck. Nina is decapitated by the truck's rear bumper as it smashes through her car windshield. The car then explodes in a mass of flames. It is an easy film to watch and what the film lacks in structure, it makes up for in striking visuals. The slow motion bullet scene and the slow motion car crash were both firsts – pre-dating the Hong Kong martial arts films that used it in the mid to late 70s. It was captured with a high-speed camera that was capable of producing 1000 frames a second and is the first known instance of following a bullet's trajectory with high-speed cameras. Argento did not want to use the "image caught in the retina" plot device since it was too fantastic for the giallo genre. But once Carlo Rambaldi showed him how the effect would look in the finished film, he soon changed his mind. It is a good example of Giallo but it isn’t the best, Argento commented at the time that he was finished with the genre but thankfully he soon changed his mind once his next film The Five Days, did poorly at the box-office. The Elephant in the room is Michael Brandon's performance. Some of the earlier cast considerations for the main role Roberto Tobias were Terence Stamp, Michael York and even some members of The Beatles – with Ringo Starr very close to getting the part. Stamp and York could have been good but even though Brandon wasn’t an actor, there is something curiously compelling about his amateur about his performance. However, it just lets the compelling story and amazing visuals down a bit, making the third and final chapter of the Animal Trilogy something of a let-down compared to the other two masterpieces. I still love it though and it remains an obvious inspiration for many a horror/thriller made since.

Captain America II: Death Too Soon
Dir: Ivan Nagy
1979
**
Captain America II: Death Too Soon is the follow up to the original made for TV Captain America, released earlier the same year. It is ever so slightly better than the first, mainly due to the fact it doesn't get bogged down with the origin story. Cap gets straight to it and before you know it he's saving old ladies handbags from nasty street hoodlums and doing tricks on his fancy little motorbike. He's also got a high calibre bad guy this time round, played by the most villainous of villeins, Mr Christopher Lee. Unfortunately, the story is rubbish. Death too Soon is an intriguing and catchy title, but when it is revealed that it refers to an evil plan by the bad guy to inflict old age on people via skywriting airplanes it kind of takes the edge off any excitement you may have had. There is a pretty cool scene where Cap's motorbike goes off the edge of a dam but it's pretty void of highlights. However, if this had been on TV on a Saturday night in the mid 80s I would have been all over it. Reb Brown is incredibly likable, it's not really the Captain America of the comics but it's great if you're an Evel Knievel fan you'll probably like it better.

Babel
Dir: Alejandro González Iñárritu
2006
**
Alejandro González Iñárritu is an amazing director, his visuals being some of the greatest of the 00s. However, I have a real problem with how his films are edited. Stephen Mirrione and Douglas Crise have edited most of González Iñárritu's films, I have no idea how much input the director has here but I would argue that there are problems with it within all of his films, which I find quite distracting. Babel being the best worst example. There are some wonderful compositions here that are skipped over far too quickly, and some footage that most directors would have left on the cutting room floor. I love Guillermo Arriaga's writing but  González Iñárritu's adaptations never quite hit the mark I feel, especially when compared to Tommy Lee Jones's amazing The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada. I'm not surprised the duo parted ways after Babel, a move that was good for both of them though I feel. Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchett had an easy day at the office in my opinion, neither impress or disappoint, only Rinko Kikuchi and the Moroccan cast impressed me. Unlike Guillermo Arriaga's original script (that Alejandro González Iñárritu later fiddled with), the film is a contrived mess of illogical musing failing to convince or even entertain. Stereotype? Karma? Understanding? Unseen and unheard communication? A butterfly flaps its wings and a hurricane starts blowing on the other side of the world...and gives me a headache. Its all foreplay and no action, and the foreplay ain't that great either. It looks beautiful and there is a great idea here but Alejandro González Iñárritu and Guillermo Arriaga are better than this. It's overrated in my opinion.

Lust, Caution

Dir: Ang Lee

2007

***

Ang Lee's 2007 Lust, Caution is a great espionage thriller. It is not however, an erotic film as it was unfortunately sold as, unless of course brutal rape is your cup of tea? I have to say I'm quite disappointed and appalled by the production team (or whoever is responsible) for stating this as a sales pitch. It's like saying Gaspar Noé's Irreversible is a porn film. Anyway, that aside, this is a strong World War II thriller from a somewhat different perspective that Hollywood rarely deals with. The story begins in 1938 Hong Kong during the Second Sino-Japanese War. A shy, inexperienced university student, Wong Chia Chi, travels from Shanghai to the city to attend her first year at Lingnan University. A male student, Kuang Yu Min, invites her to join his patriotic drama club, and soon she becomes a lead actress, inspiring both her audience and her colleagues. Inspired by the troupe's patriotic plays, Kuang persuades the group to make a more concrete contribution to the war against Japan. He devises a plan to assassinate Mr. Yee, a special agent and recruiter of the puppet government of Wang Jingwei set up by the Japanese occupation in China. The beautiful Chia Chi is chosen to take on the undercover role of "Mrs. Mai", the elegant wife of a trading company owner. She manages to insert herself into the social circle of Mrs. Yee. Chia Chi catches the eye of Mr. Yee and tries to lure him to a location where he can be assassinated. Chia Chi is still a virgin, and she reluctantly consents to sleeping with another student involved in the plot, in order to practice her role as a married woman if she were to sleep with Yee. Kuang, who has feelings for Chia Chi, is upset by this, but agrees to the arrangement. Attracted to Chia Chi, Yee nearly falls for the trap but withdraws at the last minute. Soon after, Mr. and Mrs. Yee suddenly move back to Shanghai, leaving the students with no further chance to complete their assassination plan. While they are preparing to disband, an armed subordinate of Yee turns up unannounced and tells them that he is aware of their plans. After a violent struggle, the university students kill the subordinate and then go into hiding. Three years later in Japanese-occupied Shanghai, Chia Chi again encounters Kuang, who is now an undercover agent of the KMT secret service the Juntong, which is seeking to overthrow the Japanese occupation forces and their puppet government. He enlists her into a renewed assassination plan to kill Yee. By this time, Yee has become the head of the secret police department under the puppet government and is responsible for capturing and executing Chinese resistance agents who are working for the KMT. Chia Chi is trained to use weapons and other spy tools. She eventually becomes Yee's mistress, and during their first encounter, Yee has very rough sex with her. Over the next few weeks, however, their sexual relationship becomes very passionate and deeply emotional, which causes conflicting feelings in Chia Chi, who is still involved in the assassination plot. When Chia Chi reports to her KMT superior officer, she exhorts him to carry out the assassination soon so that she will not have to continue her sexual liaisons with Yee, but she is told that the assassination needs to be delayed for strategic reasons. Chia Chi describes the inhuman emotional conflict she is in, sexually and emotionally bound to a man whom she is plotting to assassinate. When Yee sends Chia Chi to a jewelry store with a sealed envelope, she discovers that he has arranged for a large and extremely rare six-carat pink diamond for her, to be mounted in a ring. This provides the Chinese resistance with a chance to get at Yee when he is not accompanied by his bodyguards. Soon after, Chia Chi invites Yee to accompany her to collect the diamond ring. While entering the jewelry shop, she notices that her friends are not outside (suggesting her friends may have already been caught). When she puts on the ring and sees Yee's obvious love for her, she is overcome by emotion and quietly urges him to leave. Understanding her meaning, Yee immediately flees the shop and escapes the assassination attempt. By the end of the day, most of the resistance group are captured. Yee's deputy was aware of the resistance cell, but did not inform Yee because he hoped to use the opportunity to catch their leader. Emotionally in turmoil, Yee signs their death warrants and the resistance group members, including Chia Chi, are led out to a quarry and executed. As all the members of the resistance group are forced to their knees while the executioners take out their pistols, a sad Kuang, who always loved Chia Chi, gazes at her. Her friends die thinking they had somehow implicated Chia Chi, while she knows that her friends are going to die because of her warning to Yee. Meanwhile, Yee sits on Chia Chi's empty bed in the family guest room while his wife asks him what is going on, since his secretary and two men had taken Chia Chi's belongings and some papers from his office. Yee tells her to keep quiet and to continue playing downstairs, to avoid letting anyone know that something is amiss. If anyone asks, he says, Chia Chi has returned to Hong Kong. Tony Leung is fantastic as always and Wei Tang and Kar Lok Chin are utterly captivating. Lust, Caution is however, a bit too long. I have nothing against long films, far from it, but the story really didn't warrant the 150+ minute run time. The film is generally accepted to be based on the historical event of Chinese spy Zheng Pingru's failed attempt to assassinate the Japanese collaborator Ding Mocun but Lee insists it is a fictional story based on Eileen Chang’s short story, but whether the ending is accurate or not, it was far from a decent reward for two and a half hours viewing. I'm not Ang Lee's biggest fan but this isn't a bad film. It is rich in performance and is visually pleasing but it certainly doesn't deserve repeat viewing. In September 2007, an elderly Zheng Tianru claimed that the movie was about real-life events that happened in World War II, and wrongfully portrayed her older sister, Zheng Pingru, as a promiscuous secret agent who seduced and eventually fell in love with the assassination target Ding Mocun (she alleges that the characters were renamed to Wong Chia Chi and Mr. Yee in the movie). Taiwan's investigation bureau confirmed that Zheng Pingru failed to kill Ding Mocun because her gun jammed, rather than developing a romantic relationship with the assassin's target. It’s quite a damning finding that leaves a bad taste when watching the film, while it does have its moments, I’m not sure it was worth the backlash and three-year ban Tan Wei received due to China’s disapproval of the sexual acts she performed in the film. Sex in films is rarely worth it, it’s never as revolutionary as the directors think it will be and it always damages the careers of many a fine actor.

Invaders from Mars
Dir: William Cameron Menzies
1953
*****
William Cameron Menzies' Invaders from Mars is the king of the 50's UFO/sci-fi horror B-Movie/Alien abduction movies. I was terrified the first time I watched it and my spine never fails to tingle each and every time I revisit it. It's influence is very obvious now, not just in sci-fi films but in thrillers and horrors. The eerie sound of a choir getting gradually louder, now synonymous with aliens and other horribles in film, can be heard in many a horror movie made since and has rarely been bettered. The Omen, for example, owes Invaders from Mars a great deal as Ave Satani was a very important aspect of the film's success and Invaders from Mars was clearly an inspiration. Indeed, Mort Glickman's terrifying score is one of many components of the film that have kept it a firm favorite among film fans as well as film makers, Stanley Kubrick being one of the most prominent examples. It was the first alien/UFO movie to be filmed in colour, although it was rushed through in order to beat George Pal's War of the Worlds that came very soon after. The direction is rather clever, every shot composed to either minimize the main character, in order to create a mood of hopelessness or to maximize the alien's and their ship to overwhelm the viewer. The pace of the film creeps forward at a snail's pace but the payoff is well worth it. The unbearable tension is heightened by fourteen year old Jimmy Hunt's pained expressions and ghostly narration. The idea that young David's family and friends are taken one by one and essentially brainwashed, could be considered to be unhealthy cold-war paranoia during the 50's fear of all things red. This may or may not have been the intention but it certainly does feel like western propaganda in it's effectiveness. What really makes it the masterpiece it is though is its subjective ending. Is it real, is it really happening or is it just a reoccurring dream? The viewer is left with unanswered questions, on the edge of their seats and with lots to think about. One thing is for certain though, they won't sleep well that night. An unmissable sci-fi horror classic.

Rat Pfink a Boo Boo (AKA The Adventures of Rat Pfink and Boo Boo)
Dir: Ray Dennis Steckler
1966
***
Ray Dennis Steckler's 1966 cult movie started out as a serious crime drama and was to be called The Depraved. The opening scene is fairly chilling too, somewhere between the 50's biker movies in mood and one of Roger Corman's better films, with a bit of Beachsploitation thrown in for good measure. The budget was small, Steckler himself guessing that it cost around about $20. Once that $20 was spent he realised he could make the film he first intended to make and decided to spoof the Adam West fronted Batman TV series that was popular at the time. Needless to say, it is not to be taken seriously. However, there is a lot to admire about the film. Firstly, they just went out and filmed it. I have huge respect for no nonsense Guerrilla filmmaking. Secondly, the overall production is actually quite impressive. The compositions within the film are fantastic, the opening scene could be from a professional studio made production. The sound is also phenomenal, each scene being accompanied by a harsh and intense mix of screams, scratches or over-dubbed dialogue which works perfectly within the film. Indeed, the young Keith A. Wester went on to be nominated for six academy awards for his work in sound before his death in 2002. The big switch from serious crime drama to spoof after the first 40 minutes is actually a genius decision by the then young director and he clearly understands what a spoof is and should be. It's funny and strange in equal measure and I find funny and strange to be quite successful companions. It's no masterpiece but it is one of those cinematic oddities that make film so interesting.

Best Worst Movie
Dir: Michael Stephenson
2009
***
Michael Stephenson woke one morning and realised that he was the child star of what is without a doubt, the worst film ever made. There is something quite cool about that and it made him happy and it gave him an idea. In his Best Worst Movie, we discover that there are many people out there that actually love and embrace Troll 2 and think of it as a work of art. These people are relatively normal too, although their enthusiasm is a little nauseating and I'd hate to be stuck in an elevator with any of them. Stephenson visits each one of his former co-stars and sees what they're up to now and tries to coax them all to join him in several Q&A screenings of the film. This proves successful when he visits his screen dad turned dentist, George Hardy. It's fair to say Hardy steals the show as he, like many of the viewers, don't know what all the fuss is about but is happy to be part of it. Hardy wanted to be an actor but went into dentistry as a safe option. He accompanies Stephenson on his Q&A sessions and screenings and is blown away by the popularity of the film and it's now cult status. He also helps Stephenson recruit former co-stars to join them which leads to one of the most uncomfortable scenes I've ever witnessed as they visit Stephenson's former screen Mum and Hardy's screen Wife, Margo Prey. While visiting Prey they coax her into re-enacting several scenes, all is good until it becomes clear that she has had certain mental health issues since 1989. As an attendee to many sci-fi and film conventions, it was interesting to see the actor's reaction upon entering the circuit. Momentum is lost somewhat when absolutely no one is interested in their autographs or merchandise. Settling what I've always said about the film; It's not the Best Worst Movie, it is just the worst movie that a very select few enjoy. It's a very likable documentary though, a masterpiece compared to Troll 2 anyway.

Society

Dir: Brian Yuzna

1989

*****

Brian Yuzna's 1989 film Society is one of the most underrated and overlooked horrors of all time. The late 80s and early 90s spawned many a great horror movie, directors like Brian Yuzna, Frank Henenlotter, Peter Jackson and Stuart Gordon at the forefront, making some of the most absurd, colourful, gory and inventive films of the era. Society has the perfect balance of horror, suspense, humour and gore but it's also quite intelligent. Based on society's ideological class system and the idea of the rich being a desirable but impenetrable group, Society questions capitalism in the middle of the yuppie era. It's actually more of a grotesque satire than a pure horror film, very much in the vein of H.P. Lovecraft who is a huge inspiration to Yuzna's work. The general idea is that the rich feed off the poor and stick together, quite literally thanks to the amazing effects by horror legend Screaming Mad George (Big Trouble in Little China, Predator, A Nightmare on Elm Street III: Dream Warriors). Bill Whitney (Baywatch’s Billy Warlock) seems to have it all. His family is wealthy and he lives in a mansion in Beverly Hills, California. He's popular at his high school, looks to be a shoo-in for class president, has a cute cheerleader girlfriend and owns a new Jeep Wrangler (a universal 80s dream). Despite this, he tells his therapist that he does not trust or fit in with his high-society family. When his sister's ex-boyfriend Blanchard gives him a surreptitiously recorded tape of what sounds like his family engaged in a vile, murderous orgy, Bill begins to suspect that his feelings are justified. Bill gives the tape to his therapist Dr. Cleveland to listen to. When he comes back for his appointment, Dr. Cleveland plays the tape back for Bill. The audio has now changed and now merely contains the sounds of his sister Jenny enjoying her coming out party. Bill insists that what he'd heard before was real and calls Blanchard to get another copy. When he arrives at their meeting place, Bill discovers an ambulance and police officers gathered around Blanchard's crashed van. A body is placed into the back of the ambulance, but Bill is prevented from seeing its face. Bill attends a party hosted by his upper-class classmate Ferguson. There, Ferguson lasciviously confirms that the first audio tape Bill listened to - with the sounds of an orgy on it - was the real tape. Angry and confused, he leaves the party with Clarissa, a beautiful girl he'd been admiring. They have sex at her house but something doesn’t seem right. Bill meets Clarissa's bizarre mother who seems to want to eat his hair. Bill returns home the next day and confronts his parents and sister, who are all in the master bedroom dressed in lingerie. At Blanchard's funeral, Bill and his friend Milo discover that Blanchard's corpse either needed a lot of reconstructive work for display, or is not real. Bill is approached by Martin Petrie, his rival for the high school presidency, who says he must speak with Bill and agrees to a secret meeting. Bill discovers Petrie with his throat cut. He is spied on, and sees someone race off through the woods then runs off to get the police. When he returns with the cops, the car and the body are missing, with a different car in their place. The next day at school, Petrie shows up, alive and well. When Bill arrives at home, he confronts his family again, but with Dr. Cleveland's help, they drug Bill. As Milo secretly trails him, Bill is taken to a hospital. Bill awakens in a hospital bed and thinks he hears Blanchard crying out, but discovers that nothing is there. He leaves the hospital and finds his Jeep waiting for him. Milo tries to warn him, but he drives back to his house. Back home again, Bill finds a large, formal party. He is snared by the neck and Dr. Cleveland reveals all of the secrets he has been searching for. He is not really related to his family after all. In fact, his family and their high-society friends are actually a different species from Bill. To demonstrate, they bring in a still-living Blanchard. The wealthy party guests strip to their underwear and begin "shunting". The rich literally feed on the poor, physically deforming and melding with each other as they suck the nutrients out of Blanchard's body. Their intention is to do the same to Bill, but after escaping them and running about the house - seeing his family melding with each other as well (including his father switching his own head for his butt) - Bill manages to goad Ferguson into a fight. As the "aliens" cheer Ferguson on, Bill is subdued, but in a surprise attack, Bill manages to reach inside the pliable Ferguson and pull his head out through his buttocks, turning him inside-out. With the help of Milo and Clarissa - who is also of the alternate species but has fallen in love with Bill - he escapes, as one of the men at the party tells another he may have an "opening in Washington". As well as a class satire, it's a swipe at 80s teen films in general. Our leading man Bill is a popular high-school student, dates the lead cheerleader and drives a Jeep Wrangler. He's the epitome of what every kid wanted to be in the 1980s and yet he's troubled. When he finally discovers the despicable truth of everything it's like Yuzna has just punched the Breakfast Club in the face. After having several of his productions fail for lack of finding a director, Yuzna decided to move into directing himself. As producer of Re-Animator, he held the rights to a sequel and knew he could find financing. He used this as leverage for a two-picture deal, the first of which turned into Society. Yuzna said that he wanted the safety of having two pictures to establish himself as a successful director. Society's script appealed to Yuzna partly because it was thematically similar to a failed project he had begun with Dan O'Bannon. Yuzna altered the script from a traditional slasher film climax about a religious cult to the surrealistic aliens. The production company introduced him to Screaming Mad George, who they knew to also be interested in surreal gore. For the film's most surreal and gory sequence, the "shunting," Yuzna based it on his nightmares. The sequence was further inspired by Salvador Dali’s The Great Masturbator. It was way ahead of its time, indeed, it was a further three years until it was allowed to be released in the US after finding success in Europe. I often look at ‘high society’ today and wonder whether Yuzna was actually on to something and that maybe, just maybe, his 1989 horror classic could be fact, rather than fiction.

In God We Tru$t
Dir: Marty Feldman
1980
****
In God We Tru$t was the second and last film to be directed by comedy great Marty Feldman following his 1977 debut The Last Remake of Beau Geste. It is a mix of Monty Python and the sort of thing you'd expect from a Gene Wilder film but considering Feldman wrote for both it is hardly surprising and shouldn't be regarded as anything other than original comedy. Unlike Monty Python's Life of Brian, In God We Tru$t takes more of a swipe at evangelicalism, although a lot of what is parodied has weirdly come true. It's the little skits within the film that really make it the fall about film that it is. Feldman's physical comedy reaches much further than his wonky eyes and the brilliant props really are genius, my favorite being a sign that hangs outside the monastery where the Monks, who have taken a vow of silence, reads "Keep thy Trappist shut". Louise Lasser is lovely as the Hooker that teaches Feldman's Brother Ambrose about sex, describing the act as ordering dinner, and Peter Boyle is reunited with Feldman as a down on his luck religious con-artist. Richard Pryor almost steals the show as G.O.D. a supreme supercomputer but it is Andy Kaufman as televangelist Armageddon T. Thunderbird who makes the film somewhat unforgettable. Brilliant comedy from some sorely missed greats. Satire has never been so innocent, it's so sweat that I'm sure even the Pope could forgive them their fun.

Frankenhooker

Dir: Frank Henenlotter

1990

*****

Frank Henenlotter is a one of a kind comedy horror director best known for his Basket Case trilogy. He made Brain Damage (1988) and Frankenhooker between each film and personally I think the latter is his best work to date. Bill Murray (who had been filming Quick Change in the studio next door during filming) actually said upon its release "If you see one movie this year, it should be Frankenhooker" and looking back at 1990 I can't help but think he was right. It's an absurd and macabre comedy horror in the style of Braindead and Society with just a little added bad taste. Frank Henenlotter takes his horror seriously though, the film cost a whopping $2.5 million which was a lot for a B-Movie horror and he hired actors from the Screen Actors Guild (SAG). However, many of the SAG members wouldn't do nudity so Henenlotter went to his local stripper bar and got membership for many of the girls and promptly hired them as legitimate actresses. The film follows Jeffrey, a young man who lives in New Jersey, who is heartbroken after his fiancée Elizabeth is killed by a lawnmower during a cookout. He decides that the only way to confront her loss is to use his science skills to bring her back to life. As her body has been cut into pieces, Jeffrey must take new parts from other women and he ultimately chooses to harvest them from the bodies of prostitutes working in and around New York City who he lures back into a party and kills via exploding crack (what else?). He uses the body parts to bring Elizabeth back to life; her mind, however, isn't fully restored. The newly revived creation escapes and begins looking for customers, who end up exploding after encountering her. Jeffrey also has problems in the form of the pimp Zorro, who comes looking for the women Jeffrey hired. He threatens Jeffrey and strikes Elizabeth, which causes her to regain her senses. During all of this the spare hooker parts are reanimated into a many limbed monster, which drags Zorro away - but not before he kills Jeffrey. Wanting her lover back, Elizabeth decides to revive Jeffrey via the same procedure he used on her. Since the process only works on female bodies, Elizabeth had to use the hookers' body parts. Jeffrey has a brief moment of clarity before he realizes he only has female body parts. He then begins to groan in shock as Elizabeth says they will be together forever. The film then cuts to black, a wonderfully macabre take on the Frankenstein story with a shocking ending that is part Brothers’ Grimm and part Shakespeare, or H.P. Lovecraft meets Playboy if you will. Due to the film's graphic nature, it was hard for Henenlotter to acquire an R rating from the MPAA. A representative of the ratings body actually called Henenlotter's production office and said "Congratulations, yours is the first film to be rated S". Henenlotter assumed "S? For sex?" and the reply was "No. S for Shit". Henenlotter released it unrated. It is far from Shit. The scene where seven prostitutes take copious amounts of crack and explode makes it worth watching alone. It actually has quite a heartwarming message to it and a rather lovely ending I thought. It is fair to say they don't make them like this anymore, a unique and brilliant gore-comedy from a unique time in horror history. It is vivid, full of colour and loads of fun and unlike many an 80s horror film, it actually lives up to its outrageous title.

SPECTRE
Dir: Sam Mendes
2015
**
SPECTRE is the twenty-fourth Eon James Bond film, Daniel Craig's fourth outing as 007 and the second film in the franchise to be directed by Sam Mendes. Fans of the series will know of SPECTRE's role in the films but they might not know about the rights issues the fictional organisation and associated characters have had over the years. Kevin McClory and Ian Flemming got into a legal battle after the completion of the Thunderball script. Flemming made the film without crediting McClory who it later transpired had actually written the screenplay. Flemming got the rights to the novel but McClory got the rights to the characters and sued when they were used subsequently. SPECTRE and the character of Ernst Stavro Blofeld are owned by McClory, who remade Thunderball in the largely panned but financially successful Never Say Never Again. So, when Sam Mendes and Eon announced that the next Bond film would be SPECTRE, speculation was rife. Did this mean that Ernst Stavro Blofeld was coming back? Kevin McClory did indeed make a deal with Eon in 2013 and both SPECTRE and Blofeld were fair game once more but as M says at one point in the film 'A licence to kill is also a licence not to kill'.

SPECTRE's opening scene is awesome. It may well be my favorite of the franchise so far, with a beautifully steady build up and explosive finale. It is this opening scene that really captures the essence of Bond; his sophistication, confidence and blind luck that make him so charming, endearing and untouchable. I was thrilled. Then came the staple surreal title sequence (which I didn't like), that song and it never quite hit the mark from then on in. The first third of the film is pretty impressive still, there are some beautiful shots of Bond traveling across a lake, an exciting interrogation and rather chilling scene whereby Bond is spotted in a secret meeting but these shouldn't really have been the highlights. The last two-thirds of the film are poor attempts at breaking the mold, something the Daniel Craig films keep trying to achieve but fail at with every attempt. The writers and Mendes have tried hard to emulate the character, the classic Sean Connery films and Flemming's novels while trying something new but in doing so they have actually made cheap imitations and made irreversible decisions. In SPECTRE Bond goes rouge, again. He has almost the same car chase as he did in A View to a Kill, he has the same fight on a train as he did in The Spy Who Loved Me, gets into trouble in a snowy mountain-top resort as seen in On Her Majesty's Secret Service and he is tortured in a scene that is straight out of Goldfinger. The evil henchman is essentially a night-club bouncer and his gimmick is that he has long thumb nails. The bigger roles given to Miss Moneypenny and Q made me wonder if Eon are slightly worried about the Mission Impossible films success and have stupidly tried to make it more of a team film. There are many things Bond hasn't yet done, I'm not sure they really need to cover so much old ground, again. You could almost say that SPECTRE is a remake but I think re-hash is a more apt description although that said, the script has more in common with Bond spoof Austin Powers in Goldmember and I wish is was joking. This is straight out of the Star Trek Into Darkness school of how not to re-boot a franchise. Christoph Waltz's character is a huge disappointment. His big evil plan, that ties in all of the Craig Bond films, is as far from terrifying as you can get. In fact it's been done in real life, which is far more scary. When his motivation for being so evil was revealed I wanted to throw the little old lady I was sitting next to in the cinema at the screen. I dare say she wanted to throw me too, the poor dear. The film has too many writers, I'm sure John Logan, Neal Purvis, Robert Wade and Jez Butterworth thought they were being post-modern by rather knowingly blowing up the secret layer before the last sequence and showing up the main villain somewhat but what they have essentially done is make Bond redundant and made a mockery of the ethos and what the fans cherish. After said lair explodes Bond quips "It's not over yet" making the audience believe they'd finally come up with a more original ending but they don't, they just blow up another lair. They and Mendes have essentially said 'Try and top that!' which isn't really in the spirit of the franchise, for all intents and purposes they've killed the series. They may think they've steered Bond down a new road and taken a new direction but they haven't at all, they've essentially destroyed everything and merely suggested a change without doing anything creative in order for the character to continue. Sam Mendes does dazzle with his glorious visuals but it's all far too theatrical with very little content. Most shockingly of all, they all forgot to make it fun. At one point 007 is told by a bad guy that 'You're a kite dancing in a hurricane Mr. Bond' but the truth is there is no hurricane, just a lot of hot air.

Prince of Darkness
Dir: John Carpenter
1987
*****

I would argue that 1987's Prince of Darkness is John Carpenter's scariest film of all. The Thing had lots of gore, The Fog had chills and Halloween pretty much invented the slasher but it is Prince of Darkness, with its atmospheric portrayal of inescapable and impending doom, of the most evil kind, that makes it something rather unique. Of all the horror films I've seen, it is only Prince of Darkness that makes me feel fear at the thought of entering a room alone or going down into the basement. I love the fact that the characters aren't a bunch of kids entering a haunted house either, they are all scientists and technicians, none are superstitious or even afraid for the most part, making the scary parts seem even more natural and realistic. I didn't feel the same sense of dread with Carpenter's Halloween, it made me jump out of my skin and it is often uncomfortably intense but it was a case of either the characters die or they don't. It's the best example of a slasher/haunted house horror, Prince of Darkness takes that idea to the next level. It's a slasher of sorts, it has a lot in common with exorcism movies, it's also a Zombie film and it deals with hell and other dimensions, making it a great sci-fi horror too. It begins with a priest (Pleasence) who invites a quantum physics Professor Howard Birack (Wong) and his students to join him in the basement of an abandoned Los Angeles church. He requires their assistance in investigating a mysterious cylinder containing a swirling green liquid. Among the thirteen academics present are wise-cracking Walter (Dennis Dun), demure Kelly (Susan Blanchard), and lovers Brian Marsh (Jameson Parker) and Catherine Danforth (Lisa Blount). They decipher text found next to the cylinder which describes the liquid as the corporeal embodiment of Satan. The liquid appears sentient, and broadcasts increasingly complex streams of data. The academics use a computer to analyze the data, and find that it includes differential equations. Over a period of two days, small jets of liquid escape from the cylinder. Members of the group exposed to the liquid become possessed by the entity and attack the others. Anyone attempting to leave is killed by the growing mass of enthralled schizophrenic homeless people who surround the building. Birack and the priest theorize that Satan is actually the offspring of an even more powerful force of evil, the "Anti-God", who is bound to the realm of anti-matter. The survivors find themselves sharing a recurring dream (apparently a tachyon transmission sent as a warning from the future year "one-nine-nine-nine") showing a shadowy figure emerging from the front of the church. The hazy transmission changes slightly with each occurrence of the dream, revealing progressively more detail. The narration of the transmission each time instructs the dreamer that they are witnessing an actual broadcast from the future, and they must prevent this possible outcome. Walter, trapped in a closet, witnesses the possessed bring the cylinder to a sleeping Kelly. It opens itself and the remaining liquid absorbs into Kelly, transforming her into the physical vessel of Satan: a gruesomely disfigured being, with powers of telekinesis and regeneration. Kelly attempts to summon the Anti-God through a dimensional portal using a mirror, but the mirror is too small and the effort fails. While the rest of the team is occupied fighting the possessed, Kelly finds a larger wall mirror and draws the Anti-God's hand through it. Danforth is the only one free to act: she tackles Kelly, causing both of them to fall through the portal. The priest shatters the mirror, trapping Kelly, the Anti-God, and Danforth in the other realm. Danforth is seen briefly on the other side of the mirror reaching out to the portal before it closes. Immediately, the possessed die, the street people wander away, and the survivors (Marsh, Walter, Birack, and the priest) are rescued. Marsh has the recurring dream again, except now Danforth, apparently possessed, is the figure emerging from the church. Marsh awakens and finds Danforth, gruesomely disfigured, lying in bed with him. This is still part of his dream, however, and he awakens screaming. Rising, he approaches his bedroom mirror, hand outstretched. Carpenter became inspired while researching theoretical physics and atomic theory. He recalled, "I thought it would be interesting to create some sort of ultimate evil and combine it with the notion of matter and anti-matter.” This idea, which would eventually develop into the screenplay for Prince of Darkness, was to be the first of a multi-picture deal with Alive Pictures, where Carpenter was allocated $3 million per picture and complete creative control. It is the second installment in what Carpenter calls his "Apocalypse Trilogy", which began with The Thing in 1982 and concludes with In the Mouth of Madness made in 1995. Like nearly all of Carpenter’s films it was a flop and was panned by critics. Utterly ridiculous. It has everything you could want from a real, non-comedy horror film. It's the only film I could watch alone and feel uncomfortable, and I recommend all horror fans watch it late, with the lights off and alone at least once for full effect. Highlights include; Alice Cooper as evil homeless man, death by half a bicycle (Cooper’s stage show trick), "Lisa Lisa, Mona Lisa", the great Donald Pleasence and Victor Wong, a brilliant ensemble supporting cast and of course Carpenter's signature score. If anyone has any doubts regarding Carpenter's capabilities as a horror director (and I'm not sure anyone has) then they can't deny that everything scary he shoots is double effective, thanks to his amazing soundtracks. For me, Carpenter is the masters of horror and Prince of Darkness is criminally overlooked.

Kajaki (AKA Kilo Two Bravo)
Dir: Paul Katis
2014
*****
Paul Katis' 2014 war drama Kajaki is a unique and gripping film that should change the way war is depicted in film from now on. It tells the true story of an indecent involving the British Army's 3rd Battalion, the parachute regiment, near the Kajaki Dam in Afghanistan in 2006. During a routine patrol, a solder steps on a land mine hidden in a dried out riverbed which leads to a devastating turn of events and what seemed like an impossible rescue attempt involving many solders. The film shows the bravery of the men that day in what was a hellish experience. There is next to no fighting in the film and not one of the solders shoots their rife at an enemy, instead, the story depicts the honest comradery the solders share, like the tag line says; For Queen, for country, for your mates. It's not a pro-war exercise, neither is it a pro-army recruitment film, it simply shows the lengths the solders will go for each other, how they are with each other and harsh situations they find themselves in. It also highlights the issues in communication (or lack of) within war. An accident depicted happened due to mistakes made from a rescue party, not 'friendly fire' as such but as frustrating as. The land-mines in question are ones left from the Russians in the 1980's which also highlights another of the many problems with conflict. It's one of the most intense films I've ever seen, close to being a horror film or thriller rather than a typical war film. I think this probably does the story justice, war is horror for most people involved, it should never be glorified and it certainly isn't here. It's rare that a film shows the needlessness of war so effectively. The real life solders are an inspiration in the way you deal with what life throws at you rather than an inspiration to sign up, whether you agree with this particular war or not, this is an event everyone can learn from and men everyone should admire. The film is extremely simple but devastatingly effect, one of the best of 2014.