London Has Fallen

Dir: Babak Najafi

2016

*

London Has Fallen is the squeal no one wanted to a film no one much liked in the first place. While many argue that White House Down was better than Olympus Has Fallen, I actually disagree. However, comparing the two would be like comparing a couple of haemorrhoids and choosing which one you feel the closest to on a personal level. Neither film is on my Christmas card list that's for sure but London Has Fallen is definitely top of my sh*t list. The first film saw the White House under attack and the president (Aaron Eckhart) saved by his Number one Bodyguard (and possible secret lover) played by Gerard Butler. When did the President of the United States of America become cinema's big damsel in distress? It was like watching a poor video game, no one wants to watch someone else playing video games but in this instance you wouldn't have wanted to play yourself. This time round the President finds himself in London at the British Prime minister's funeral. He doesn't want to go but feels he has to as it would be expected. This is the only believable thing in the whole film, however in 2016 you wouldn't find many people surrounding the streets waving flags had the real PM died of a heart attack - far from it. Once in the nations city he and a few other world leaders come under attack from an arms dealer hell bent on revenge (they all had a part in the death of his daughter). The Japanese PM gets blown up on a bridge, the French PM gets blown up on the roof of St Paul's Cathedral and the Italian PM get blown up on the Thames in the Venetian Taxi boat he appears to have arrived in (I'm not even joking) in what has to be the most ridiculous, over the top and stupid movie plots there has ever been. Good job the American president's number one body guard didn't decide to quit like he was about to at the beginning of the film, he takes the leader of the free world in his arms and whisks him to safety.  London is probably the easiest place to hide in the world with many a side street, secret tunnel and back alley. However, the President and his number one bodyguard stick to the main streets and the land marks, going from one end of London to the next, only to end up about five minutes away from where they were in the first place to their intended destination. The awful plot, woeful special effects and terrible acting are bad but if that wasn't enough there is a generous slice of xenophobia mixed in for good effect. Xenophobic is the nice way of saying it is racist. It's a tasteless act of fear mongering with a thoughtless look at world politics and terrorism in general. Apparently there is now a sub-genre known as terrorsploitation. A sad inclusion to the exploitation world, give me sex craved cannibalistic Nuns over this any day of the week. For good measure, the producers released the trailer in the UK on the same day as the 10th anniversary of the 7/7 attacks. Classy. Probably the worst film of 2016 and that is saying something.