King of Thieves

Dir: James Marsh

2018

**

James Marsh’s King of Thieves is the third film to be made about the infamous 2015 Hatton Garden heist. To this day I still can’t understand why this particular robbery has caught the imagination of the British (global?) public as much as it has. I remember watching news footage of Reggie Kray’s funeral and thinking the same. Thousands of people followed Reggie’s horse-drawn hearse and tens of grave stones were smashed as they were trampled by the crowds. Why are these criminals held in such high regard? Back in the day the Krays were at least seen to have championed the area that they lived in and people saw them as their protectors, even they they weren’t, just I sort of get it. The Hatton Garden gang on the other hand were just a bunch of greedy and rather nasty old men. I think it was the ‘old’ aspect that really got people’s attention. The idea of a group of older gentlemen seemed to strike a chord with the public, when I’m pretty sure the same people who celebrate then would call for the book to be thrown at them had they been younger, or foreign. It’s one of those idiosyncrasies of the working class, particularly from people living in East London. This wasn’t a case of ‘Dad’s Army robs a bank’ either, these were career criminals, not Robin Hoods but nasty old men who were in it for themselves. Since 2015, books, films and TV shows have made about them, there is also a line of Hatton Heist themed jewelry available. It’s nuts. Thankfully Jame Marsh’s film explores the fact that these men weren’t nice and weren’t that clever either but it’s still given a comedic edge that I find confusing. A famous thief in his younger years, 77 year old widower Brian Reader (played here by Michael Caine) pulls together a band of misfit criminals to plot an unprecedented burglary at the Hatton Garden Safe Deposit. The thieves, all in their 60s and 70s except for one, employ their old-school thieving skills to plan the heist over the Easter holiday weekend. Posing as gas repairmen, they enter the deposit, neutralise the alarms, and proceed to drill a hole into the wall of the safe. Two days later, they manage to escape with allegedly over £14 million worth of stolen jewels and money. When police are called to the scene and the investigation starts, the cracks between the misfit gang members begin to show as they row over how to share the goods and become increasingly distrustful of each other. Meanwhile, the crime has become public knowledge, and a frenzy of speculations begin. As details about the crime come to light, both the British public and the media are captivated, and the investigation is followed with bated breath around United Kingdom. I have to admit, there are aspect of the story that I was unaware of that I did find interesting but these were few and far between. It stars some of the best of British cinema and television, including Jim Broadbent, Tom Courtenay, Paul Whitehouse, Michael Gambon, Ray Winstone and newcomer Charlie Cox of Daredevil fame. A great bunch of actors, having lots of fun I’m sure, but none convincing as their characters. There is a fantastic montage scene where we see snippets of some of the actor’s previous characters from a range of older films that is quite glorious. We see Michael Caine in The Italian Job, Ray Winstone in Scum and Tom Courtenay in Billy Liar, among a few more, and it looks really cool, but never for a moment can the audience see the previous performances as younger versions of the characters they are playing here. It’s a neat trick initially, until you realise that it just highlights the fact you are watching actors and not real people. The script makes you wonder whether it was written by real people also. Most of the actors featured are East End, and if not they know their east from their west. Cockney’s do not and never have, referred to each other as ‘shaggers’. At times, the cockneyisms were so bad, I thought I was watching Mary Poppins, but at least Dick Van Dyke had an excuse, he wasn’t born within the sound of Bow Bells. The Jamie Cullum cover of the The Killers ‘The Man’ was the final insult. If the film was intended as a comedy it fails as it isn’t funny, and if the film was intended as a thriller it failed as it isn’t thrilling. I would say that only around fifteen minutes of footage could be considered heisty and the conclusion that tries to establish the fact that there is some sort of honour among thieves, even after they’ve acted dishonourably throughout the film, is utter garbage. I would have felt bad for the actors, but then they all gave horrible performances, I just haven’t got it in me. The whole film is a complete mess, like a bad television comedy drama that wasn’t even good enough for television. When the best bit of the film is a montage of other unrelated films, you know you’re in trouble. The only thing that kept me amused was the fact that it was filmed around the area my Mum and Dad live. I kept looking for them in the background as they said they had watched a bit of filming around the time. I couldn’t see them though, so a double waste of time.