Splash

Dir: Ron Howard

1984

***

Ron Howard's Splash is an iconic 80s classic but in retrospect I'm not sure how much I really like it. It comes from the combined writing brain of the great Lowell Ganz and Babaloo Mandel and was directed by little Richie Cunningham. Now I, like many, grew up on Ganz and Mandel's films, they wrote some of the greatest 80s films of all time (and I include the films they made in the 90s in that category), including Spies Like Us, Parenthood, City Slickers, A League of Their Own and Mr. Saturday Night. Their first feature Night Shift, which was Ron Howard's second film as director, is an overlooked classic. It may have a questionable theme (it's about two men who open a brothel in a morgue) but it is original and very funny. Splash is also very original, although I would argue that it isn't as funny as Night Shift. It stars Tom Hanks as a wholesale fruit and vegetable businessman who has issues with romantic commitment. His brother and co-owner of their business is played by the great John candy who is generally underused and dare I say it, miscast. Hank's life is turned upside down when he is saved from drowning by a beautiful young woman. It turns out that this happened once before when he was young and it is indeed the same mermaid that saved him all those years ago. Of course, he doesn't know this or even that she is a mermaid because she has legs - because magic. They kiss after their initial encounter and she swims off. She then decides to come to New York City to search for him, feeling that the two of them have a connection. She turns up at Liberty Island, completely naked and gets herself arrested. The pair are eventually reunited after several scenes of hijinks and they soon find themselves in bed together. Now I'm no prude, what two consenting adults do with one another in the bedroom is their business, but when a completely naked mute hunts you down in order to give herself to you, you must ask certain questions before doing whoopy. It doesn't matter how beautiful, how keen or how naked she is, you have to question the what, where, who and why, otherwise you may be taking advantage. Is that me taking it too seriously? I don't know, but that's me, the very idea makes me feel a bit uncomfortable and a little bit creepy. It's a male sexual fantasy played out like it's a nice family-friendly comedy. When Hank's does finally realize that Daryl Hannah is a Mermaid, he acts like she has somehow done something terribly wrong and leaves her to face nasty scientists (are there any other kind?) who seem hell-bent on torturing her to death before dissecting her. Maybe if he'd got to know her a little before jumping head first into bed with her he might have realized. In the end he realises that he can't do any better and that she's relatively easy so he saves her. Is this love? You could destroy and dissect nearly every 80s film to be honest and always find something not quite right but somehow it's accepted. The magic of 80s cinema. I do still like it though, it has lots of lovely moments and all the performances are good. A nice warm slice of nostalgia.