The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 2

Dir: Bill Condon

2012

*

I'm fairly amazed that after four books and five films this is the best conclusion they could come up with. Fans of the books and of film series may well be happy, I am too in some respects now that it's over but I can't help but think that everyone who experienced the franchise should feel a little cheated. So Bella is a fully fledged vampire, she has a healthy vampire/human baby and the awkward love triangle thing has been solved by Jacob settling for an unofficial uncle role rather than Bella's lover. Vampires and Werewolves, living in harmony, deep in the woods. Dull, boring but supposedly very wonderful. However, everyone remembers in sudden unison that actually, the child might resemble a vampire child, rather than a human/vampire child, and apparently, they're not allowed due to the damage caused when one has a temper tantrum. A hilarious plot twist handled most seriously. Captain Vampire, or whatever he's called, finds out and slowly comes for the child (even though he can walk at a billion miles per hour, we know this because throughout the film, every vampire is seen walking at a billion miles per hour). Then, in what is supposed to be the big dramatic conclusion, good vampires and good werewolves (and some of their relatives made up of global stereotypes including Russian vampires, Jungle Vampires and Confederate Vampire) run towards (again, slower than they are capable of) the bad vampires who have rules and stuff and won't leave them alone. Cue lots of blood-free beheading and the worst fight/battle scene ever to have been rendered in CGI. The CGI is, once again, the funniest thing about the film and almost worth watching the film for. The CGI baby is back and grows from CGI toddler to CGI child within a matter of days without losing that special creepy look that makes everyone adore her so. I am of course making fun of the film which is pretty futile really. You really don't need to read my review to see learn how laughable the film is, you really need to see it for yourself. It's really hard to tell if Bill Condon is taking it seriously anymore or if this is in fact an intentional comedy spoof. If so then I take it all back, bravo, have five stars, but I suspect this is supposed to be a serious film, in which case, what on earth compelled anyone to make it and why on earth was it ever so popular. One of life's little mysteries.