Supergirl

Dir: Jeannot Szwarc

1984

***

Supergirl’s first venture to the big screen was far from super, but there is a lot about it that I still adore. I was already Superman mad by the time it came out, I was, and still am, one of the few people you are likely to meet who will tell you Superman III is a brilliant film. I also like Superman IV: The Quest for Peace, but I’m not going to get into that now. After the commercial flop of Superman III (people are idiots), Alexander and IIya Salkind decided to concentrate on their other rights purchase, Supergirl. They hoped that Supergirl would freshen their franchise somewhat but they were wrong. It never occurred to the Salkinds that the problem with their franchise was them. Christopher Reeve’s Superman was due to make a cameo appearance in Supergirl but he declined fairly early on in the project, it would have been key in getting more viewers for sure and the film took a hit because of it before it was even released. It flopped, so the Salkind’s sold it to the only other guys who could mess up the franchise more so: Canon Pictures. To be fair, the only thing wrong about Supergirl, apart from Superman’s absence, was the god-awful story. It starts with the original origin story and then goes head-first into wizardry nonsense. Kara Zor-El (Supergirl’s real name) lives with her parents in the City of Argo. Argo is a Kryptonian City, saved from destruction by Zor-El, Jor-El’s brother. You see, Jor-El told his brother of the planet’s impending doom and he set about protecting his City by constructing a giant dome that surrounded it. There are many different versions in the comics but this version has the City floating in space. Kara is approached by Zaltar (Played by Peter O’Toole) and he shows her the Omegahedron, essential it is a mystical giant battery that powers the whole City. Zaltar had borrowed it without permission and then accidentally lets it float into space. Knowing that the City can’t survive without it, Kara decides to chase after it, working out that it probably landed somewhere in Earth – where she knows her super cousin lives. Her transformation into Supergirl is pretty disappointing for fans, one can only conclude that the people writing it had no will to look into her origin story at all. The Omegahedron meanwhile has fallen into the hands of a witch (played by Faye Dunaway), who lives in a ghost train ride on Coney Island with her feckless assistant Bianca (played by Breda Vaccaro). Somehow, she works out that she can use the mystery object to cast spells and uses it as an excuse to free herself from her relationship with a warlock called Nigel. It is as stupid as it sounds but made slightly better by the fact that Nigel is played by the great peter Cook, who was suggested by his old mate Dudley Moore who was offered the part first. Supergirl enrols herself in high-school, for no point at all, and ends up becoming friends with Louis Lane’s younger sister, again, for no point at all. The only thing that connects the films is Marc McClure as Jimmy Olsen, and is appearance is greatly appreciated. There is a pointless romance involving a boy called Ethan, who Selena the witch uses to entrap Supergirl and it is all very stupid and lacks good writing. Supergirl is then banished into the Phantom Zone but escapes with the help of Zaltar who has somehow ended up in there as well (it’s Peter O’Toole, they had to get their money’s worth). The last scene involves a castle, a giant shadow demon and a whole lot of nonsense but it’s still good, thanks to the wonderful Helen Slater. She beat both Demi Moore and Brooke Shields to the role and was by far the best thing about the film (even though the Salkinds openly admitted they regretted not going with Shields – but what do they know). It is a bizarre but brilliant cast when you think about it but funny how it was the unknown actor who ended up stealing the show. Maybe because she was the only one taking it seriously, who knows? The great Robert Wise was approached to direct the film but he unsurprisingly declined. Somehow it was decided that Jeannot Szwarc was a good second choice and the rest is history. I think I will always love the film because of just how bizarre it all is, as well as Helen Slater’s performance. It’s fairly odd though and makes you wonder just what they were all thinking. The opening credits cost almost $1 million dollars to shot, and yet the scene whereby Supergirl flies out of a lake was shot using a photograph of Helen Slater stuck to a plank of wood. That kind of tells you everything you need to know about how the film was handled. It’s awful, but I love it.