Space Truckers

Dir: Stuart Gordon

1997

****

I thought Space Truckers was fairly awful when it first came out but I still liked it. Watching it now in retrospect I find I love it even more. I’m certainly a paid up member of the church of Stuart Gordon though, so that probably has something to do with it but I think when you realise that it is a joke – a low budget B movie space opera that's a parody of low budget B movie space operas – its easier to like, understand and ultimately enjoy. Written by Former "National Lampoons" editor Ted Mann, the film intentionally features "no scientists, no techies, none of the unusual polished, sanitary environments” because, as he put it “Space is like anywhere else - the people who are there are underpaid and poorly regarded." I see Harry Harrison as Mann’s clearest influence, the film being more Bill the Galactic Hero rather than The Stainless Seal Rat though. I think it failed at the box office and has subsequently been branded as one of the worst films in modern cinema due to poor marketing and total misunderstanding. It’s intentionally cheap and ridiculous but its heaps of fun. It begins in the future at a corporation's base on the Neptunian moon of Triton. Mercenaries are desperately setting up a defense perimeter to try to hold off an unstoppable cyborg warrior. The commander Saggs and scientist Nabel, seal themselves inside the control room. The cyborg destroys the soldiers' tank and then attacks a helicopter—which crashes into said control room. The soldiers are killed one by one, until Nabel finally deactivates the cyborg with a remote control. The remaining corporate employees discover that the cyborg was created by Nabel for company owner E.J. Saggs. Saggs takes the remote from Nabel. He reactivates the cyborg and orders it to kill Nabel. A devilish early twist made all the better by Nabel being played by Charles Dance and Saggs being played by the most iconic ‘uncredited’ actor of all time Shane Rimmer. The story then turns to, John Canyon (played by Dennis Hopper who is clearly having the time of his life), one of the last independent "space truckers", as he drops off his cargo of square pigs at a "truck stop" space station (the square pigs are one of the films more notorious scenes – pigs bread in squares to make transport easier – the pigs look like they’re made out of sweaty rubber or Muppets gone wrong if you will. This is the point whereby many people either walked out of the cinema or gave up liking it). He soon becomes embroiled in a brawl with the trucking company head, Keller, who is suddenly – and most hilariously - sucked out into space. He and his two passengers – Cindy (played by Debi Mazar), a waitress who has promised to marry him in exchange for a ride to Earth to see her mother, and Mike (Stephen Dorff), an up-and-coming space trucker working for the company - take on a deal to transport a stock of alleged sex dolls to Earth. Chased by police investigating Keller's death, John takes his rig into the "scum zone", a region controlled by space pirates. The rig takes damage, leaving them adrift and they are soon captured by the pirate ship Regalia, commanded by the company-hating Captain Macanudo. Cindy agrees to have sex with him if he would take the cargo and let them go. The captain is soon revealed to be Nabel, who has rebuilt his grievously-injured body and has gone into piracy as revenge against Saggs for betraying him. Charles Dance clearly revels in his inventive and ridiculous character and it’s a joy to watch. The cargo that John's rig is carrying is in fact a full supply of the cyborg warriors Nabel designed and built for Saggs' company. One of the cyborgs comes alive, kills most of the crew, and severely damages the ship. John, Cindy and Mike take their rig and escape as the Regalia explodes. As they make their way back to Earth, John and Mike find a mortally-wounded Macanudo in the hold, who reveals the true nature of the cargo to them. John releases Cindy from any obligation of marrying him, and tells her and Mike to take the escape pod while he releases the cargo in the atmosphere, where it will burn up on re-entry. Cindy and Mike land safely, but the rig is unable to return to space and explodes in the sky, however, John manages to escape before the explosion. John, Cindy and Mike go to the hospital to see Cindy's mother, who became sick twenty years earlier and was frozen until a cure was found; John is smitten with her at first sight. Meanwhile, Saggs - now President of Earth after the government was privatized - visits John, Cindy and Mike in the hospital, where he offers John a new rig and gives the trio a suitcase full of money to keep them quiet about his cyborg invasion plan. John agrees to the deal, but Mike angrily throws the suitcase out the window. Below, Saggs re-enters his presidential limousine; having planted a bomb in the suitcase, he triggers the detonator just as the suitcase lands on his limousine's roof, killing him. With Saggs dead and Earth safe, Mike, Cindy, John and Cindy's mother blast off in their brand new rig. It’s as hilarious as it is ridiculous, like a 1930s melodrama, a 1950s b-movie and a 1980s space opera had a kid together but didn’t have enough money to feed it. You can either love the film because its ‘so bad its good’ or you’ll appreciate the intended parody but either way there is plenty to enjoy but particularly for Stuart Gordon fans. If anything, you can’t help but enjoy watching the ensemble cast clearly having the times of their lives, never once taking any of it seriously. It’s a cult classic, it’s a small cult but it’s a classic none the less.