Freaked

Dir: Alex Winter, Tom Stern

1993

*****

Something terrible happened in the early 90s. Studios, who would quite happily let established directors piss money up the walls, suddenly lost their bottle. You have to look at the Coppola’s of the game, who over-ran on projects and made many a studio executive’s heart weak. They made a few masterpieces for sure, but their work ethic made studios nervous because it lost them money. It’s always about the money, which is understandable, but more and more studios couldn’t see beyond the money. Now I am surprised that 20th Century Fox went for the film quite as much as they did. Alex Winter and Tom Stern pitched the idea to 20th Century Fox and Joe Roth, the head of the studio at that time, loved the idea and offered the two a twelve million dollar deal to direct it, despite the fact that neither of them had any experience directing a major Hollywood film and had never even shot on 35mm film before. Freaked, originally called Hideous Mutant Freekz, was conceived around the time Winter and Stern had directed 1988's Bar-B-Que Movie, a short film starring and featuring the music of rock band Butthole Surfers. Winter, Stern and Surfers frontman Gibby Haynes began work on the first draft of the script, envisioning it as an obscene, ultra-violent horror film once again featuring the Butthole Surfers, costing around $100,000. The idea was, as Alex Winter put it, "Beach Blanket Bingo meets The Evil Dead". The two fished the script around to various studios for years, but to no avail. Following the end of production on Stern and Winter's MTV sketch comedy show The Idiot Box, staff writer Tim Burns was recruited to join the two in a number of rewrites. The film was completely revisioned, dropping the aspect of the Butthole Surfers entirely and turning it into a full comedy in the vein of the Monty Python and MAD Magazine-inspired humour that was present in The Idiot Box. Joe Roth loved it but signed them up on the condition that the film had to be rewritten and toned down to fit a PG-13 rating; therefore, most of the profanity was written out of the final draft to fit MPAA standards. Within a month of being picked up, the film began production. However, during filming, Joe Roth was fired as studio head by Rupert Murdoch and replaced with Peter Chernin, who didn't like the film nor the fact that twelve million dollars was being invested in it. It was perhaps a little premature of Roth to release a line of action figures, a novelization and, most notably, a comic book released by Hamilton Comics that was drawn before most of the casting was completed, so none of its characters looked anything like their real-life counterparts. Chernin cut the film's post-production budget, thus forcing a lot of the soundtrack (including a demo song that Iggy Pop had recorded for the closing credits) and special effects to be greatly cut down or eliminated altogether. The film's title was changed, as well, from the poorly received "Hideous Mutant Freekz" to the supposedly more accessible "Freaked", a title neither Winter nor Stern much cared for. After several poor test screenings, Fox chose to pull the film from a nationwide release and cut its advertising budget, leaving no money for commercials or newspaper ads. Despite initial positive critical response, the film opened in October 1993 on only two screens, making a mere $6,957 in its first weekend. It quickly dropped out of theatres, making less than $30,000 and becoming a box-office failure. It doesn’t take a genius to see that by trying to save money, the studio ended up loosing way more than they had to. The whole concept of test screening is utterly ridiculous. The film is amazing, a cult classic, although so few people have seen it it still isn’t the cult classic it deserves to be acknowledged as. It’s everything I love about the 90s. It begins with Skye Daley (Brooke Shields) as she is interviewing beloved former child star Ricky Coogin (Alex Winter). Rather bluntly, Skye asks how Ricky so quickly went from one of America's sweethearts to a name that makes children scream in terror. Ricky, completely in silhouette, begins his story. Ricky is shown accepting an endorsement contract from slimy mega-corporation E.E.S. (Everything Except Shoes) to promote "Zygrot 24", a toxic fertilizer, in South America. Although hesitant at first, the greedy, self-centered Coogin caves in after their sleazy CEO (William Sadler) offers him $5,000,000. Ricky travels immediately to the South American town of "Santa Flan" with his buddy Ernie (Michael Stoyanov). During their flight, the duo have a run-in with Ricky's 12-year old number one fan Stuey Gluck (Alex Zuckerman). Stuey begs Rick not to promote Zygrot 24 only to accidentally fall out of the plane. Once Ricky and Ernie arrive in Santa Flan, they cross paths with an angry group protesting Zygrot 24 and Ricky. In the group is environmentalist Julie (Megan Ward), who Ricky is instantly smitten with. The two con Julie into thinking they're also environmentalists (Ricky posing as a highly injured accident victim, his face covered in bandages) and she agrees to join them on a trip to another protest. However, she soon finds out their true identities and the three are stuck with each other for the rest of the drive. They decide to take a detour to see Freek Land, a local freak show only to wind up in the clutches of demented proprietor and mad scientist Elijah C. Skuggs (Randy Quaid) and his henchman, Toad (Jaime Cardriche). Utilizing his "Testy Freeks Machine", he merges Julie and Ernie into a single body and turns Ricky into a hideous green mutation. As Elijah has run out of Zygrot, only half of Ricky's body is mutated. Ricky meets the other freaks, including Ortiz the Dog Boy (an uncredited Keanu Reeves) Worm (Derek McGrath) a giant arthropod, Cowboy (John Hawkes) a literal anthropomorphic cow, the Bearded Lady (Mr. T in a dress) and Sockhead (Bobcat Goldthwait), who has a sock puppet for a head. Ricky has trouble adjusting to his new life as a freak, though he opens up when some of the other freaks recount how they were captured and disfigured by Elijah. During his first performance, Ricky foregoes his act (which inexplicably had him dressing like a caveman) and with some suggestions from Worm he performs a Shakespearean monologue which captivates the audience. Spotting his agent in the crowd, Ricky jumps off the stage hoping to be rescued, but flies into a murderous rage when the agent makes fun of him. Ricky tears his agent's head off and the crowd runs screaming into the night, with Elijah simply noting "that's what I call entertainment." The next day Ricky discovers to his horror that he is seeing a floating specter of Stuey. He angrily shoes Stuey's astral form away, but Cowboy states that only a pair of soulmates can have such a strong telepathic bond. After multiple failed attempts to sell the story to newspapers Stuey manages to sell Ricky's story to the Weekly World News, who will print anything, but ends up being captured by a group of shady businessmen that work for E.E.S. Ricky tries to escape by stealing the outfit of a milkman, only to be captured by Skuggs's gun-toting Rastafarian eyeball henchmen (literally giant eyeballs with Rastafarian accents and headwear) and brought before Elijah. Skuggs tells Ricky he plans to have him fully mutated into a blood-thirsty monster who will kill all the other freaks at the next show. On his way back to the freaks shed, he runs into the other freaks also making an escape attempt, and also dressed as milkmen. Ricky butts heads with Ortiz and the two fight until Ortiz is distracted by a squirrel and runs off, the Rasta eyeballs in pursuit. With Ortiz gone Ricky is named the new Freaks leader. Ricky and the freaks break into Skugg's lab to create a serum that will complete Ricky's mutation and have him kill Skuggs instead of the freaks. Ricky accidentally leaves the concoction in the lab, but finds a bag of tasty macaroons which the freaks enjoy. Ricky eventually finds out that Elijah's Zygrot suppliers are none other than E.E.S., who arrive at Freek Land with a shipment of Zygrot 24 and an imprisoned Stuey Gluck. As they discuss their plans to mutate the world's population into an race of E.E.S workers and consumers, Stuey follows a telepathic tip from Rick and manages to escape, grabbing the coffee can of mutation goo left behind by Ricky along the way. On the night of the show, Stuey appears with the batch of Zygrot only to have an annoyed biker dump it onto him, which turns him into a grotesque seven-foot monster. Stuey kills the biker and prepares to storm the stage and save Ricky. The Rasta eyeballs attempt to kill Stuey but he kicks dust into their eyes, blinding them. Toad tries to swallow Stuey only for Julie and Ernie to throw an M80 onto Toad's tongue which he swallows and promptly explodes. In response, Elijah infects Ricky with his own Zygrot, turning him into an equally grotesque seven-foot monster. As Ricky and Stuey battle to the death onstage, Elijah notices the E.E.S. executives trying to steal his equipment. Elijah stops them by soaking them with a Zygrot bazooka, mutating and merging them all into a giant, fleshy shoe. Right before Ricky is about to destroy Stuey, Cowboy reminds him that Stuey is his soulmate. A wave of compassion comes over him, and he gives Stuey a hug. Enraged, Elijah unsuccessfully tries to fight Ricky, who bashes him in the head, breaking his spine. Skuggs tries to get Ricky not to kill him by offering him the antidote for his mutation, telling him it was a time-delayed serum baked into a batch of macaroons. Ricky comments that he skimped on the sugar and punches Skuggs, sending him flying into the vat of Zygrot 24. An FBI task force arrives to save Ricky after having learned of Stuey's article. Skuggs suddenly reemerges from the Vat, having taken the form of Skye Daley. The FBI task force guns Skuggs/Skye down.Back at the interview, it's revealed that Ricky had turned back to normal (along with most of the other freaks, except for Worm, who hates Macaroons). They are then joined by Ortiz who has finally caught the squirrel and Stuey, still a giant super-freak. Skye comments on Elijah mutating to look like her, and Ricky realizes that Skye actually is Elijah. Skuggs lunges after Ricky with a machete, only to be gunned down by the now normal Julie. As she embraces Ricky, Skye rises again, this time to be gunned down by Ernie. Ricky and Julie kiss and everyone waves farewell to the audience until the film ends on a frozen shot of Skuggs once again rising up to attack Ricky. It was the ultimate film to me back in 1993. It had Bill & Ted, it had Brooke Shields, it had MR T!!! It is amazing John Hawkes had such a shining career after this. William Sadler, from Bill & Ted, was great and this was probably my favourite Randy Quaid performance of all time. I also think Bobcat Goldthwait’s Sockhead is the greatest character of all time and should have had his own film. Add to that the great music and the amazing special effects from the three best effects companies of the day: Tony Gardner's company Alterian, Inc., Steve Johnson's XFX, Inc., and Screaming Mad George's Studio and what you are left with is possibly the greatest example of early 90s counter-culture. This would have been a classic had it been given a proper release. The irony is that it would be a better known film had it been as bad as the studio thought it was. Films like Troll 2 are now official cult classics because they’re known as ‘best worst’ but Freaked doesn’t fall into that category. Freaked is the best, it’s just that not enough people know it.

Sgt. Kabukiman N.Y.P.D.

Dir: Lloyd Kaufman, Michael Herz

1990

***

I appreciate Troma films more than I enjoy them and while I regard Lloyd Kaufman as a genius of sorts, I also find it hard to watch most of his films. I’m not shocked or disgusted, they’re just not very good, or at least, none of them live up to their ideas or their reputations. Quite how he built such a cult empire is beyond me, but I guess bad taste needs its champions. I have a love/hate relationship with The Toxic Avenger – I didn’t love the first one, quite liked the second one and hated three and four. Sgt. Kabukiman appears in a couple of them and I think I liked him better there – as a supporting character. Sgt. Kabukiman N.Y.P.D. is odd, very odd, and while odd is good, Sgt. Kabukiman N.Y.P.D. is far too long for its own good. The same joke it told over and over again and it gets a little too much to bare. Like all Troma films, it suffers from bad editing and from being far too self-indulgent. It’s origins are perculiar. While filming The Toxic Avenger Part II in Japan, where the original Toxic Avenger had been a major hit, Lloyd Kaufman and Michael Herz were approached by Tetsu Fujimura and Masaya Nakamura of Namco to create a Kabuki-themed superhero film, supposedly based on an idea by Kaufman. Namco became a producer, giving Troma a one and a half million dollar budget to begin preproduction. Creative differences troubled production from the start. Namco and Herz wanted a mainstream-accessible film geared towards children, whereas Kaufman wanted the usual Troma-esque sex and violence style. The film was eventually cut into both PG-13 and R-rated versions – I’m not sure which is worse or makes the least sense. The film follows Sergeant Detective Harry Griswold (Rick Gianasi), a clumsy N.Y.P.D. cop investigating a string of murders involving Kabuki - a classical Japanese dance-drama. Kabuki theatre is known for the unique style of its drama and for the elaborate make-up worn by some of its performers. While attending an amateur Kabuki play, Harry witnesses thugs gun down the entire cast. In the ensuing gunfight, Harry is forcefully kissed by one of the dying actors, unknowingly becoming blessed with the powers of Kabuki. Before he knows it, Griswold finds out that he has the ability to transform into Kabukiman, a colorfully dressed slapstick superhero who has the ability to fly and access to such unique weapons as heat seeking chopsticks and fatal sushi. He also has to eat worms, but I think that’s a Troma thing, rather than a Kabuki thing. With the assistance of the beautiful Lotus (Susan Byun), he helps clean up the crime-ridden streets of New York and try to stop maniacal businessman Reginald Stuart (Bill Weeden) and his Goons, who plan to fulfill an ancient evil prophecy that will summon The Evil One whose demonic powers can enslave the world. The plot is thin and the acting is bad, although Rick Gianasi is pretty good. I do wonder whether it would be considered racist, if it wasn’t so ridiculous. It is probably best known for Troma’s one and only Hollywood stunt. There is a car chase scene that happens midway through the film where several carloads of gangsters chase Harry Griswold, wearing a clown costume, through the streets of Jersey City. The chase climaxes when one of the cars, a 1979 Ford Thunderbird, strikes another vehicle, flips upside-down 30 feet in the air, lands, and then inexplicably explodes. Five years later, exactly the same footage was used in a scene in Tromeo and Juliet for not only being cost-effective, but also because Kabukiman had yet to be widely distributed on video (and thus brought some confusion as to which film the footage originated from). Despite obvious continuity flaws, Troma has managed to fit the same footage into each of their films as a tongue-in-cheek homage, including Terror Firmer, Citizen Toxie: The Toxic Avenger IV, Poultrygeist, and Return to Nuke 'Em High Vol.1. Since the film's video debut in 1990, Sgt. Kabukiman has gone on to make several appearances in the "Tromaverse", becoming one of the company's most well-known mascots next to The Toxic Avenger. Kabukiman (played by Paul Krymse in a simpler costume) can be seen in a number of Troma commercials and video introductions throughout the 1990s. Most notably, Kabukiman was one of the prominent figures on Troma's Edge TV, where he appeared in a short parody of old public service announcement films, entitled Sgt. Kabukiman Public Service Announcement, which was directed by former Troma employee and Guardians of the Galaxy director/screenwriter James Gunn. The character almost got himself a carton, much like Toxic Crusaders, but he was deemed too odd. Kabukiman made the return to the screen in 2001's Citizen Toxie: The Toxic Avenger IV, where he was once again played by Paul Kyrmse. In the film, Kabukiman has gone from a serious superhero to a pathetic, drunken has-been who is looked upon with disdain by the citizens of Tromaville. There was quite a bit of backlash from the hard-core fans of the original film. 10/10 for originality but the character is love/hate. It is what it is, its too obvious to criticize in many respects and I would never tell people who love it that they are wrong but I just found it a little too long and mind-numbing – even for a Troma film. However, I do love seeing 1990 in all its glory and I adore the special effects.

Long Shot

Dir: Jonathan Levine

2019

***

In many respects Long Shot is a classic run-of-the-mill rom-com, but with some important upgrades that I hope other rom-coms take note of. We’ve seen rom-coms that explore power struggles many times before, in fact perhaps in all of them, as they always seem to follow the Cinderella story, the rich man poor girl scenario, Romeo & Juliet, Lady and the Tramp et cetera et cetera. Long Shot is ever so different in that ‘power’ is treated very differently. Charlize Theron plays the U.S. Secretary of State while Seth Rogan plays an independent and influential underground journalist. Who has the real power is up to the audience. While Theron’s character is smart, dynamic and successful you could see negatives in what she does, Rogan’s character is scruffy, idealistic and a little too quick to act - the pair are opposites in a very different way. Both have the same roots and much in common, and more importantly both have their own flaws. I like that Rogan’s character isn’t a complete idiot and that Theron’s isn’t completely inhuman. We see that the two were childhood friends at one point, Charlotte (Theron) being Fred’s (Rogan) babysitter. Set in the present, U.S. Secretary of State Charlotte Field learns from President Chambers (Bob Odenkirk) that he does not plan on running for a second term. As an ex-actor, he now sees his future in film and boasts that apart from George Clooney, he’ll be the first TV actor to make it in Hollywood. Seeing an opportunity, she convinces him to endorse her as a potential presidential candidate. Meanwhile, New York City journalist Fred Flarsky learns that the newspaper he works for has been bought by Parker Wembley (played by Andy Serkis in a fat old white guy suit), a wealthy media mogul whose ethics directly oppose Fred's. Furious, he promptly quits but cannot find another job. Depressed, he turns to his more successful best friend Lance (O'Shea Jackson Jr.), who takes him to a charity fundraising event that Charlotte is also attending. She and Fred recognize each other from when she was his babysitter. It is evident that he still has a secret crush on her from when they were teenagers. While they catch up, Wembley interrupts them to plan a meeting with Charlotte, leading Fred to condemn Wembley's actions and beliefs before leaving. Upon reading some of Fred's columns, Charlotte decides to hire him to write her speeches over the protests of her manager Maggie. Despite voicing skepticism of her ethics, Fred takes the job. At a world leaders summit, Charlotte is forced to revise a speech involving a planned environmental revision to appease some of her constituents. When Fred objects and calls her out on abandoning her morals, she changes her mind and the speech is a success. As the two continue to spend time together under the pretext of Fred learning more about Charlotte for his writing, they start to get close. Finally, after surviving a revolution in Manila, they begin a relationship together. Upon finding out, Maggie tries to warn both that the public will never accept them as a couple. When Chambers orders Charlotte to remove plans to preserve the trees, as some friends with financial interests of his asked, she lets off steam with Fred by getting high on ecstasy. A hostage crisis occurs soon after and, despite still being high, Charlotte manages to talk the captors down and free the hostage. Even though the incident increases Charlotte's approval rating, Chambers is livid when she chooses to ignore his orders and call him out. He confronts her in his office alongside Wembley, who has a vested interest in removing the trees as part of her plan. The two blackmail her with a hacked video from Fred's webcam. The hacked video depicts Fred discussing his and Charlotte's relationship and Fred further masturbating to a video of one of her speeches, the hacked video culminating in Fred ejaculating in his own beard. Charlotte shows Fred the hacked video and informs him that she has agreed to the ultimatum, and that she wants to introduce him and their relationship publicly once his image is cleaned up. Disappointed and unable to change, he refuses and they break up. Back in New York, Fred talks with Lance, who tells him that he has been too stubborn with his principles and refusal to consider other people's needs and opinions. He also comes out as a Republican to Fred’s dismay. During her announcement to run for president in 2020, Charlotte changes her mind and opts for her original plan, also revealing the blackmail from Wembley and Chambers and describing the content of the video before its release. Fred searches for Charlotte and finds her waiting at his apartment. They admit that they love each other, and meet the press outside where Charlotte introduces Fred as her boyfriend. In 2021, the couple marry and Charlotte is sworn in as the first female president with Fred as "First Mister", him having taken her last name. You kind of know what you’re getting with a Jonathan Levine movie, it has a few misses but most are forgivable. I liked Bob Odenkirk’s President. He isn’t based on any President in particular but I could see a bit of each of the last 7 presidents in him. June Diane Raphael is great in her supporting role as an adviser and Alexander Skarsgård was brilliant as the Prime Minister of Canada. Charlize Theron and Seth Rogan are great together, playing off each other brilliantly, their real-life friendship seeping into their performances in a good way. Andy Serkis’ performance is a bit strange however.Levine, Theron and Rogen, all related that after Andy Serkis accepted the role of Parker Wembley, he then developed a extensive prosthetic makeup design for the character, a makeup regimen that required hours a day to execute, even though nobody asked him to. Rogen remembered, "we offered him the role, and then he was like, 'Okay.' And then he started sending ideas for what he would look like. And we were like, 'What do you mean? I thought he kind of looked a lot like Andy Serkis.' But he was like, 'No, I got this whole thing.' And we were like, 'Whatever, man!'" I guess he can’t help it, Serkis is the motion capture/prosthetic guy. The drug humour was predictable, the potty language a little too full on and the ejaculation scene wasn’t funny. There’s Something About Mary told the same joke over twenty years ago, I’m all for recycling but not with jokes. Apart from that it’s fine. The possibilities for ‘The First Mister’ are huge, maybe they should have played on that more, maybe that’ll be the sequel, who knows, but if you want a light rom-com that isn’t the same as all the others go for this one, as it is ever so slightly better.

Shaft

Dir: Tim Story

2019

*

Shaft is the sequel of Shaft, which of course was the sequel of the classic Blaxpoitation film, Shaft. The Shaft film of 2000 (the third Shaft sequel following Shaft’s Big Score, and Shaft in Africa) featured Samuel L. Jackson as Shaft, the nephew of the original Shaft, played by Richard Roundtree. In 2019’s Shaft, we learn that the original Shaft is actually 2000’s Shaft’s father and that Shaft 2000 has a son, also named Shaft. It’s not really made clear why the original Shaft told Shaft 2000 that he was his uncle, rather than his father but I imagine it had something to do with being only six years older than him. It’s all rather confusing but it matters not, because 2019’s Shaft really isn’t worth wasting your time trying to understand. Why it even exists is anybody’s guess, there’s running out of ideas and then there’s really running out of ideas. I think what the film was trying to convey was that the concept of Shaft is outdated, which I’m not sure anyone disagreed with. However, it is critical of Shaft 2000, way more than it is of the original. Shaft 2000 was an updated version of the original Shaft, and I would argue it was far more up to date than its near thirty-year predecessor, but then Shaft 2000 isn’t really the same as he was nineteen years ago. He is far more like the original Shaft, who in turn is a lot closer to 2019’s Shaft in attitude. Sort of. You could say that the updated Shaft is now more dated than the dated Shaft, and that the new Shaft isn’t really Shaft at all. There is a reason why this film didn’t do so well, it was impossible to promote. That and the fact that the script was awful. Rewind to 1989, John Shaft II (Shaft 2000 – before the year 2000), his wife Maya Babanikos, and his infant son John "JJ" Shaft Jr. (Shaft 2019 before 2019) survive an assassination attempt by drug lord Pierro "Gordito" Carrera. Concerned that Shaft II's lifestyle will put them in danger, Maya leaves him and raises JJ on her own. 25 years later, JJ (Jessie T. Usher) is an FBI agent and a cybersecurity expert with a degree from MIT. He’s a nerd. After his childhood friend Karim dies of a heroin overdose, JJ concludes he must have been murdered. JJ travels to Harlem to investigate Manuel, the drug dealer who runs the neighborhood and sold the heroin that allegedly killed Karim, but is violently ejected from his property. While being treated for a minor injury in the hospital by JJ's other childhood friend and his own crush Sasha, he shows her Karim's toxicology report. She notes that the amount of heroin in Karim's system would have killed him long before he could have taken that much by himself, suggesting that he was indeed murdered. With no other recourse, JJ turns to Shaft II (Samuel L. Jackson, Shaft 2000, his father) for aid. Shaft II agrees to help after realizing that JJ's case may lead him to Gordito. The two begin investigating together, but JJ's progressive white collar outlook on life clashes with Shaft II's old-school street ways. After confronting Manuel again, the Shafts investigate "Brothers Watching Brothers", the drug rehab clinic Karim was a part of. There they learn that Karim stopped going to rehab in favour of attending services at a mosque currently under suspicion by the FBI for terrorism. The next day, Sasha accompanies JJ and Shaft II to investigate the mosque, where they are removed from the premises after the imam notices JJ's FBI badge. Shaft II convinces JJ and Sasha to have a romantic dinner together, and the Shafts next investigate a convenience store owned by a woman named Bennie Rodriguez who donated $500,000 to the mosque. Maya calls JJ to inform him that she is coming to New York to meet a man for a date; she is overheard and followed by Shaft II. The Shafts survive two separate assassination attempts orchestrated by Bennie, and Maya forces Shaft II to kick JJ out of the investigation for his own safety. JJ turns over the evidence they have gathered to the FBI, who arrest the mosque's imam. However, the media accuses the FBI of Islamophobia, and JJ's boss Vietti fires him. JJ returns to Shaft II and overhears a conversation about Gordito, leading him to believe that his father was stringing him along the entire time. While Shaft II visits and reconciles with Maya, JJ and Sasha track down Bennie to an abandoned warehouse and learn that "Brothers Watching Brothers" is a front for a drug smuggling ring; Karim was killed when he threatened to blow the whistle on their operation. JJ is caught by the smugglers; Sasha is captured while JJ is rescued by Shaft II. The two visit JJ’s grandfather, John Shaft Sr. (Richard Roundtree, the original Shaft), to acquire more firepower, and Shaft Sr. decides to accompany them in an assault on Gordito's penthouse. The Shafts kill the drug smugglers after JJ has an intense fight with Cutty and kills him, avenging Karim's death. He rescues Sasha before being confronted at gunpoint by Gordito. Gordito attempts to shoot JJ to spite Shaft II, but Shaft II takes the bullet and shoots Gordito, causing him to crash through a window and fall to his death before collapsing. In the aftermath, Shaft II recovers at the hospital. JJ and Sasha kiss and begin a relationship. Vietti offers JJ his job back, but JJ turns it down in favour of joining his father and grandfather in their PI business, suggesting that this might not be the last we see of the Shaft trio. This is undoubtedly the last time we will see the Shaft trio. The character is of course outdated but an honest look at what a Blaxpoitation character such as Shaft is doing in 2019 would have been brilliant. Instead, they dated Shaft 2000 into a misogynistic, homophobic asshole – something he wasn’t back in 2000. Maybe that is the true honesty of the film though, maybe the original Shaft is a full on Trump-supporting nut but he just knows better than to talk about it. I’m not really sure though, why you would make a sequel such as this, that only goes to destroy the history of the loved character. It handles the subject matter, particularly the Islamophobic bit, like a clumsy toddler with slippery fingers. The film is written for people who never saw the original and perhaps never even saw the 2000 remake. Shafted would have been a better title. It’s utter garbage, just how much money does Samuel L. Jackson owe?

Between Two Ferns: The Movie

Dir: Scott Aukerman

2019

***

There should be a law that states that television shows should never be made into movies – with very few notable exceptions. That said, Between Two Ferns isn’t really your typical television show. It’s not on television for a start but whatever, how you watch your shows doesn’t really matter in the scheme of things and this ‘movie’ isn’t being shown in cinemas anyway. While many don’t see Between Two Ferns as a real television show, it certainly still follows all other television shows that have over gone the movie treatment in theme. Movie versions of TV shows generally take the show on the road – outside of the studio, they include some big names and they have a bigger budget. Between Two Ferns does exactly that. While you can be cynical about the whole thing it actually feels like logical progression, although I’m not sure Zach Galifianakis’ exaggerated version of himself needed much backstory – he is what he is. It’s a weird one really and anyone who struggled with the TV show will probably still struggle with the movie. I liked the TV show but I didn’t love it. As the blooper reel shows at the end of the show, most actors burst out laughing at Galifianakis’ unexpected and shocking questions. The scene is then re-shot with the actor not laughing, having time to compose themselves and obviously knowing what they are about to be asked. This keeps the interview awkward, as Galifianakis clearly wants it. I’m a little tired of awkward humour now, it’s been done to death and The Office (the original) finished years and years ago – please can we try something new? I’d prefer to see the natural reaction from guests but I do also appreciate some of their come-backs which would have taken them time to come up with. The story here is that Zach Galifianakis, who always dreamed of becoming a star, finally found success with his public access TV show when Will Ferrell discovered him and uploaded his show to his own Funny Or Die production channel. However, Galifianakis has since become a laughing stock. When guest star Matthew McConaughey is nearly killed by a burst water pipe during an interview, Will Ferrell decides to pull the plug. After deliberation he agrees to give Galifianakis his own late night chat show instead of his web show, as long as he gives him ten new interviews in a week’s time. So Zach and his crew take a road trip to complete a series of high-profile celebrity interviews that the crew believe is to restore his reputation, rather than get him (and not them) ‘promoted’. So basically Galifianakis and his crew travel to the actors, rather than them coming to him. There is an element of post-modernist mockumentary about it where the documentary crew are also being documented and the fact that everything is already rehearsed is highlighted. It is more original than it is funny but it has its moments. They manage to bag quite a few impressive guests, including Benedict Cumberbatch, Peter Dinklage, Gal Gadot, Jon Hamm, Brie Larson, John Legend, David Letterman, Matthew McConaughey, Keanu Reeves, Paul Rudd, Jason Schwartzman, Adam Scott, Chrissy Teigen, Tessa Thompson, Bruce Willis, among many. I don’t think the essence of the original show is lost but it is a little stretched. The idea becomes a tad diluted but they do make up for it towards the end of the film with some quick-fire snippets of interviews. The overbearing problem for me was some of the between interview scenes. Some worked but some absolutely bombed. Much like Galifianakis himself, its very hit and miss. However, Will Ferrell is the absolute worst. Absolutely nothing he does is funny and he is horrible at improvised comedy. I still don’t know why he’s popular, Elf was okay I guess in retrospect but I would argue that anyone could have played that character. He has no comedy timing and absolutely no grasp of what is funny. He clearly thinks everything he does is funny, and comedy is of course subjective, but he is always only in it for himself. Great comedy is generous, a great comedian shares the comedy and tries to establish a relationship with whoever else is on screen. I’m afraid Galifianakis is much the same but Between Two Ferns has worked because he’s clearly friends with most of the people he interviews. This isn’t really a movie if I’m being completely honest. It is an extended television special, not the best episode of Between Two Ferns but certainly not the worst. It has some moments of great comedy, followed by moments of comedy at its worst, making it strangely exciting and very watchable. At least I thought so, my wife hated it and went in the other room and read a book.

Sabrina

Dir: Billy Wilder

1954

****

The goings on behind the scenes are just as famous as the film itself in Billy Wilder’s 1954 romantic classic Sabrina. The lead actor hated everyone, the other two leads fell in love and had an affair and the director, who would end a 12-year business relationship with the studio after the film’s release, was so up against it, he asked the actors to fake sickness so he’d have a chance to catch up. Sabrina is a bonafide classic but one wonders whether it could have been better with one or two slight changes. Sabrina Fairchild (Audrey Hepburn) is the young daughter of the Larrabee family's chauffeur, Thomas (John Williams), and has been in love with David Larrabee (William Holden) all her life. David is a three-times-married playboy who has never paid attention to Sabrina because to him she was still a child. Eavesdropping on a party at the Larrabee mansion, as she has often done before, Sabrina notices David enticing yet another woman. Distraught, she leaves her father a suicide note and starts every car in the garage so as to kill herself. Instead she is interrupted by David's older brother, Linus (Humphrey Bogart), who escorts her back to her quarters above the garage. Sabrina had been on the point of sailing for France, where she is to attend a culinary school in Paris. After two years there, she returns home as an attractive and sophisticated woman. When her father is delayed from picking her up at the station, David offers her a lift instead without even knowing it is Sabrina. Once David realizes who she is, he is quickly drawn to Sabrina and invites her to join him at a party at the mansion. When Linus sees this, he fears that David's imminent marriage to Elizabeth Tyson may be endangered. If the engagement is broken, it would ruin a profitable opportunity for a great corporate merger between Larrabee Industries and Elizabeth's very wealthy father's business. Instead of confronting David about his irresponsibility, Linus pretends to sympathise with him and in a moment of inattention David sits down on champagne glasses he has placed in his pockets, so that he is incapacitated for a few days. Linus now takes David’s place with Sabrina on the pretext that “it’s all in the family” until both fall in love, although neither will admit it. In fact Linus’ plan is to pretend to be accompanying Sabrina back to Paris but not to join her on the liner. However, when he reveals his intention to Sabrina instead, she agrees to leave the next day and never come back. The following morning, Linus has second thoughts and decides to send David to Paris with Sabrina. This means calling off David's wedding with Elizabeth and the big Tyson deal, and he schedules a meeting of the Larrabee board to announce this. However, David enters the room at the last minute and declares that he has decided to marry Elizabeth after all. David helps Linus recognize his own feelings for Sabrina and assists him in rushing off to join Sabrina's ship before it leaves harbor. Linus and Sabrina meet on board and sail away together. The story is flawed way before the film is. I hate how suicide has been so poorly handled in love stories. You have to go back to Romeo & Juliet to find its origins but since then, particularly in older films of the 40s and 50s, it has been used out of context and in a irresponsible manner. We look back at films like Sabrina and comment on the love story without once questioning Sabrina’s mental state or the actions of the two brothers. Everything about it, when you really think about it, is deplorable and not romantic at all. It’s horrific really, but Hepburn’s eyes, Holden’s charm and Bogart’s voice somehow make people overlook such things. I like the film because I like watching Bogart, Hepburn and Holden, not because I like either the story or the characters. Initially, Cary Grant was considered for the role of Linus, but he declined, supposedly because he did not want to carry an umbrella onscreen but I don’t know how true that really is. The role was taken by Bogart. Best known for playing tough detectives and adventurers, Bogart was cast against type as a smart businessman gradually transformed into a romantic lead. He was something of a last minute replacement and he knew, just like everyone else did, that he wasn’t really right for the part. He was very unhappy during the filming, convinced that he was totally wrong for this kind of film, mad at not being Wilder's first choice, and not liking Holden or Billy Wilder. Bogart also disapproved of Audrey Hepburn and he wanted his wife Lauren Bacall in the role. Asked how he liked working with Hepburn, Bogart replied: "It's OK, if you don't mind to make a dozen takes." During production of the film, Hepburn and Holden entered into a brief but passionate and much-publicized love affair but Hepburn called it off once she learned that Holden couldn’t bare children. Bogart later apologized to Wilder for his behavior on set, citing problems in his personal life but by that time the stories were infamous. Wilder began shooting before the script was even finished, and Lehman was writing all day to complete it. Eventually he would finish a scene in the morning, deliver it during lunch, and filming of it would begin in the afternoon. Considering the film’s many problems, the final result is pretty miraculous. For all of the problems the film though, I do find it funny just how many times Wilder managed to mention the play The Seven Year Itch – the next film project with a new studio. The reality is that the film isn’t as special as all that but it is, and always will be, a joy to watch the four giant film makers at work.

Eaten by Lions

Dir: Jason Wingard

2018

**

I really wanted to love Eaten by Lions, and while I didn’t hate it, I thought it could have been so much better with a few tweaks. It is a feature-length adaptation of director Jason Wingard’s 2013 short film 'Going to Mecca' which won best comedy at the Manchester International Film Festival that year and there lies the problem. It has its ups and its downs because it is essentially a diluted story. The short film was sharp and snappy and didn’t waste a second of its 20 minute run time. While the feature length stretched version does build on the original in turns of tenderness and humour, it also complicates the simplicity of the original that made it so good in the first place. Also, and I take no joy in saying this, the two leads didn’t work together. Antonio Aakeel is a good looking lad but he can’t act to save his life, whereby Jack Carroll was brilliant, upstaging Aakeel in every single scene. The story follows two half-brothers, Omar and Pete, who were both brought up together by their grandmother after their mother and second partner (Pete’s dad) were eaten by Lions in a freak accident. After their grandmother dies, the pair are promised a home with Pete’s aunt and uncle but they clearly don’t want Omar to come too. Upon the discovery that Omar’s father is actually still alive and not dead as he was told, the pair skip school and go to Liverpool in search of Omar’s Dad. They soon get themselves into trouble, not only are they naive kids but Pete is disabled and unable to walk unaided, so when Omar wanders off and leaves him on the beach, Pete finds himself in trouble when the tide comes in. Omar returns in time to save his brother but their belongings and money are all washed away. A young girl called Ellen (Vicki Pepperdine) takes a shine to Omar and takes pity on the pair. She takes them to her Uncle Ray’s Bed & Breakfast and asks that he let them stay for free as a favour for her. Ray (Johnny Vegas) agrees and much hilarity follows, given the odd nature of Ray and how he treats his guests. The brothers soon tract down who they think is Omar’s father but a case of mistaken identity causes quite a commotion during a family gathering. Malik (Nitin Ganatra), the man they believe is Omar’s estranged father, is looked at by his wife and family as a cheater and he tries desperately to prove he is not the father. Then his brother Irfan joins the celebration and it comes apparent that he is Omar’s real father. Irfan (Asim Chaudhry) is not exactly what Omar was expecting. A big kid himself, Irfan admits to lying about his name to Omar’s mother on a weekend away but tries to convince Omar that he can be his dad, the coolest dad he could hope for. The film then gets unnecessarily moody as the brothers argue and separate. There is a ridiculous scene whereby Irfan’s niece leads Pete astray and gets them drunk to steal a Rolls Royce. The pair cruse around town, picking up homeless drunks and eventually bring people back to the family house when no one is in and crash the car into it. The brothers make up and they all live happily ever after. It’s a sweet idea but its all a bit too much. The outrageous comedy scenes are totally over cooked and there are far too many of them. Likewise, the melodrama is too heavy-handed and the film suffers for it. The film is at its best when its being simple and subtle. If I’m being completely honest, the film is at its best when it is following Jack Carroll. Carroll’s Pete is essentially a supporting role but he should really have been the main character. Johnny Vegas also brings some much needed comedy and Nitin Ganatra and Darshan Jariwala are the only actors to bring some real acting to the table. I like Asim Chaudhry a lot but here he is playing a watered-down version of the character he is best known for playing, there really isn’t anything for him to do and no elbow room for him to do what he does best. Sometimes a film needs to stop and breath for a few seconds and that’s what Eaten by Lions fails to do. Adapting a short into a feature film is never easy and while they got so much of it right, it only goes to show up the parts of the film that they got so dreadfully wrong. It might sound like I hated the film but I really didn’t, I liked it so much that I wanted better for it. I can only be honest and say that the acting wasn’t great and that I think it was written for commercial reasons more than it was written out of passion. I believe the extra stuff was written because ‘that’s what the audience wants’ rather than because it would have been better for the story. I do expect to see more from Jason Wingard and I really hope to see more from Jack Carroll who I think has a brilliantly natural talent for comedy for someone so young.

Tucked

Dir: Jamie Patterson

2019

**

Jamie Patterson’s low budget indie is faultless in its charm and sensibility, it just doesn’t quite hit the mark. I think the real issue, at least in my opinion, was that certain opportunities were missed. The film stars Derren Nesbitt as Jackie, an elderly heterosexual man who works as a drag queen in a late-night club. The film’s opening is great, with Jackie entertaining her crowd by telling smutty jokes that are generally at his own expense. We soon learn that Jackie isn’t in good health and after a fall at home his doctor informs him that he has terminal cancer, with perhaps only weeks to live. When the doctor asks if he has any friends of family he’d like to contact he confesses that he has none, he is alone. Without really knowing what to do, Jackie carries on as normal so he continues to work nights at the club because its what he enjoys. That night a new girl arrives called Faith (played by Jordan Stephens of Rizzle Kicks fame). She is young and sassy and within minutes there is a mutual respect between the pair. That night, during a cigarette break behind the club, a group of three lads shout abuse at the pair and a fight ensues, leaving the friends bloody but the victors. Jackie then discovers that Faith is living in her car and insists she come home with him and stay as long as she likes. Faith soon discovers Jackie’s secret illness and decides to help him with his bucket list. The list includes many different things, such as visiting a strip club (where Jackie merely talks to the girl there, rather than anything else) and taking drugs. It also transcribes that he has an estranged daughter who he’d love to reconnect with but does not think is possible. Faith contacts Jackie’s daughter behind his back and organises a secret meeting where they reconcile. She tells him that she is getting married in a couple of months and that she wants him to walk her down the isle. In the final scene set a year later, we learn that Jackie managed to live long enough to walk his daughter down the isle before passing away and Faith has taken his spot in the club and gives a speech about how much he loves and misses him. It’s a bit of an anti-climax if I’m being honest. I really liked the idea behind the story but it wasn’t executed very well. I really wanted to love it and get behind a British independent film but I just couldn’t help but be frustrated for the film Tucked could have been. I liked Derren Nesbitt performance, he’s a great actor but he was let down by a shoddy script. I’ve got a lot of respect for Jordan Stephens for taking on the role, and while I don’t think he did a bad job, he went a little too Jay Davidson for my liking. Davidson’s performance in The Crying Game is iconic, by all means be influenced by it but for goodness sake don’t try and imitate it. Again, he is let down by the script, as are the entire cast. I didn’t find the story too cliché, predictable perhaps but not so much that it ruined it. What I most objected to was the way the drag element of the film and the two main characters had to fight through a straight world. It was a bit ridiculous really. Why make a film about drag queens and not embrace that world? Sexuality didn’t really have to come into it either, all that was important was for the characters to be themselves and to flourish. There were so many missed opportunities, great set-ups for what could have been brilliant scenes. The scene where Jackie and faith buy drugs from Steve Orman’s drug dealer character was crying out for comedy. Orman is a very funny actors, and an elderly drag queen buying cocaine for the first time should have been funny but instead Orman was written as an aggressive character. This wasn’t a Cuban drug deal taking place in Miami, this was a very ordinary transaction. Drug deals don’t all go down like Scarface, some dealers are actually quite friendly and chilled out (I’m told) which makes sense as they are a business, albeit an illegal one. The strip club scene could have also been funny, they instead went for tender, which is fine, but it could have been a lot more heartwarming than it was. It all comes back to script. The reunion between Jackie and his daughter is especially bad and the film suddenly went into poor soap opera mode. Like I said before, the ending felt half-arsed and lazy, like they ran out of ideas/time/money. I think what would have been better (and Jamie Patterson could claim this but I wouldn’t believe him) would have been if Faith was actually the embodiment of Faith, not a real person but only visible to Jackie – without Jackie knowing this. That would have been the sort of magic the film needed. Some could argue that it would have made the film even more cliché, which could be true, but in all honesty I think it would have given it the sparkle that was so lacking. Actual drag queens was also lacking, which is something of an oversight in a film about drag queens. Like I said, I really wanted to love the film but in the end it becomes its own worst critic. Such a shame but still worth watching for its charm, which it does have a level of.

Aladdin

Dir: Ron Clements, John Musker

1992

*****

By 1992 Disney animation studios were enjoying something of a second wind. The last of the classics was The Jungle Book made in 1967, and while I love films like The Aristocats, Robin Hood, The Rescuers, The Fox and the Hound and The Black Cauldron, none of them are real classics and 1989’s The Little Mermaid began a spate of modern classics. The Little Mermaid was followed by Beauty and the Beast which was a huge success, I can’t help but think they really went for it then with Aladdin. While I thought The Little Mermaid was fun, I found Beauty and the Beast a little too serious, and perhaps they did too, because Aladdin remains the most fun a Disney film has ever been, in my most humble opinion. The catchy songs are a big part of this, as are the characters, but the main reason is Robin Williams and the freedom he had with his character - not that things ran smoothly for Williams. The original idea was first pitched in 1988 by lyricist Howard Ashman. Ashman had written a 40-page film treatment remaining faithful to the plot and characters of the original story, but envisioned it as a campy 1930s-style musical with a Cab Calloway/Fats Waller-like Genie. Along with partner Alan Menken, Ashman conceived several songs and added Aladdin's friends named Babkak, Omar, and Kasim to the story. However, the studio was dismissive of Ashman's treatment and removed the project from development. Ashman and Menken were later recruited to compose songs for Beauty and the Beast. Linda Woolverton, who had also worked on Beauty and the Beast, used their treatment and developed a draft with inspired elements from The Thief of Bagdad such as a villain named Jaf'far, an aged sidekick retired human thief named Abu, and a human handmaiden for the princess. Then, directors Ron Clements and John Musker joined the production, picking Aladdin out of three projects offered, which also included an adaptation of Swan Lake and King of the Jungle – that eventually became The Lion King. Before Ashman's death in March 1991, Ashman and Menken had composed "Prince Ali" and his last song, "Humiliate the Boy". I wonder whether he really received his due credit. Musker and Clements wrote a draft of the screenplay, and then delivered a story reel to studio chief Jeffrey Katzenberg in April 1991. Katzenberg thought the script "didn't engage", and on a day known by the staff as "Black Friday," demanded that the entire story be rewritten without rescheduling the film's November 25, 1992 release date. Among the changes Katzenberg requested from Clements and Musker were to not be dependent on Ashman's vision, and the removal of Aladdin's mother, remarking, "Eighty-six the mother. The mom's a zero." Screenwriting duo Ted Elliott and Terry Rossio were brought in to rework the story and the changes they made included the removal of Aladdin's mother, the strengthening of the character of Princess Jasmine, and the deletion of several of the Ashman-Menken songs. Aladdin's personality was rewritten to be "a little rougher, like a young Harrison Ford," and the parrot Iago, originally conceived as an uptight British archetype, was reworked into a comic role after the filmmakers saw Gilbert Gottfried in Beverly Hills Cop II, who was then cast for the role. By October 1991, Katzenberg was satisfied with the new version of Aladdin. As with Woolverton's screenplay, several characters and plot elements were based on the 1940 version of The Thief of Bagdad, though the location of the film was changed from Baghdad to the fictional Arabian city of Agrabah. Another reason the film was such a success, like The Little Mermaid and Beauty and the Beast before it – was due to the brilliant songs written by Alan Menken and Howard Ashman. Sadly Ashman died of AIDS-related complications part way through the production of Aladdin in early 1991 and Tim Rice took over as lyricist. I’ve always found The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast and Aladdin to be the best of Disney and Menken and Ashman are a big reason why. The character design was superb, with each character as strong as the next. The Genie, who was created with Robin Williams in mind, does get all the laughs but never has a Disney film had so many great side-kicks; Abu the monkey, Iago the parrot, Rajah the tiger and of course the magic carpet. John Candy, Steve Martin and Eddie Murphy were supposedly considered but Robin Williams was always favourite. Williams was approached and eventually accepted the role. Williams came for voice recording sessions during breaks in the shooting of two other films he was starring in at the time, Hook and Toys. Unusually for an animated film, much of Williams' dialogue was ad-libbed. For many scenes, Williams was given topics and dialogue suggestions, but allowed to improvise his lines. It was estimated that Williams improvised 52 characters in total. Eric Goldberg, the supervising animator for the Genie, then reviewed Williams' recorded dialogue and selected the best gags and lines that his crew would create character animation to match. However, Disney treated Williams poorly. Out of gratitude for his success with Touchstone Pictures' Good Morning, Vietnam (Touchstone being a Disney owned studio), Robin Williams voiced the Genie for SAG scale pay -$75,000 - instead of his asking fee of $8 million, on condition that his name or image not be used for marketing, and his supporting character not take more than 25% of space on advertising artwork, since Williams' film Toys was scheduled for release one month after Aladdin's debut. For financial reasons, the studio went back on the deal on both counts, especially in poster art by having the Genie in 25% of the image, but having other major and supporting characters portrayed considerably smaller. Disney, while not using Williams's name in commercials as per the contract, used his voice for the Genie in the commercials and used the Genie character to sell toys and fast food tie-ins, without having to pay Williams additional money; Williams unhappily quipped at the time, "The only reason Mickey Mouse has three fingers is because he can't pick up a check." Williams explained that his previous Mork & Mindy merchandising was different because, "the image is theirs. But the voice, that's me; I gave them myself. When it happened, I said, 'You know I don't do that.' And they apologized; they said it was done by other people."  Disney attempted to assuage Williams by sending him a Pablo Picasso painting worth more than $1 million at the time, but this move failed to repair the damaged relationship, as the painting was a self-portrait of the artist as Vincent van Gogh which apparently really "clashed" with the Williams' wilder home decor. Williams refused to sign on for The Return of Jafar so it was Dan Castellaneta that voiced the Genie. When Jeffrey Katzenberg was replaced by Joe Roth as Walt Disney Studios chairman, Roth organized a public apology to Williams. Williams would, in turn, reprise the role in the 1996 direct-to-video sequel Aladdin and the King of Thieves. I do love Aladdin but looking back there are a few glaring problems with it. There are several uncomfortable stereotypes and the original lyrics to some of the songs will make your toes curl. However, for me it marked the end of a very short peak in quality from Disney, sure the Lion King was good but I found it a little too serious. Aladdin was the satisfying climax to a great trio of films.

Kung Fu Hustle

Dir: Stephen Chow

2005

*****

Stephen Chow’s 2001 Kung Fu sporting comedy Shaolin Soccer was a global success. Star Overseas were pleased with its international appeal and threw a great deal of money at Chow to create a film in the same vein, with the hopes they could replicate the same popularity. Chow already had an idea (co-written with Huo Xin, Chan Man-keung and Tsang Kan-cheung) and recruited many retired actors famous for 1970s Hong Kong action cinema. The result was something that got many new viewers interested into the genre, as well as something hard core Kung Fu fans adored. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, House of Flying Daggers and Hero had all made martial arts films popular again but it was Shaolin Soccer and Kung Fu Hustle that made them fun. Set in Shanghai during the 1930s, we find Sing (played by Chow) and his friend Bone attempting to join the Deadly Axe Gang, which ruthlessly controls the city under the leadership of Brother Sum. Sing seeks to restore his confidence after being humiliated as a young boy while trying to protect a mute girl from bullies, due to the ineffectiveness of the Buddhist Palm moves he had learned from a pamphlet he bought from a beggar. He is convinced that he must be a tough, uncaring gangster in order to survive. Sing and Bone attempt to intimidate the residents of a housing complex called Pig Sty Alley by claiming to be Axe Gang members, but are chased off by its Landlady and the inhabitants. The idea behind Pig Sty Alley came from Chow’s childhood and the design is based on the crowded apartment complexes of Hong Kong where he had lived, as well as the 1973 Shaw Brothers Studio film, The House of 72 Tenants. Hearing of their actions, Sum orders the capture of Sing and Bone, while sending the Gang to reassert its authority in the wake of the humiliation. Three of the tenants, Coolie, Tailor, and Donut, reveal themselves to be martial arts masters, defeating more than fifty of the Gang. Fearing retribution, the Landlady evicts the three, but they encounter a pair of hired assassins who fight by launching invisible qi blades using a Guzheng. Coolie is beheaded, and Tailor and Donut are mortally wounded before the Landlady (played by the brilliant Yuen Qiu who was cast due to the way she ‘sarcastically’ smoked her cigarettes) and her husband the Landlord (played by Yuen Wah, a former student of the China Drama Academy Peking Opera School who appeared in over a hundred Hong Kong films and was a stunt double for Bruce Lee) reveal that they too are legendary martial arts masters, having gone into self-exile after the death of their son. The two defeat the assassins but Tailor and Donut die from their injuries. The Landlords temporarily evacuate the other tenants for their safety. Meanwhile, Sing engineers his and Bones escape from confinement, and Sum is impressed, offering them membership in the Gang if they can kill a person. Sing and Bone attempt to kill the Landlady, but their plan backfires, and Sing barely escapes from the Landlady's wrath. Seeking safety in a traffic pulpit, Sing is surprised as his body rapidly heals from the injuries sustained in the escape, the pain causing him to strike the sides of the pulpit with extreme force, covering the surface in indentations. Later, he attempts to mug an ice cream vendor, who turns out to be the mute girl; she offers him a lollipop, but he knocks it away, ashamed of himself and how far he has fallen. After sending Bone away, whom he blames for misfortunes, Sing is brought before Sum and suddenly given membership. Sum wants Sing to use his escape skills to free a legendary fighter known as ‘the Beast’ (played by Bruce Leung, Stephen Chow's childhood martial arts hero who was a famous action film director and actor in the 1970s and 1980s, known as the "Third Dragon" after Bruce Lee and Jackie Chan) from a mental asylum to use against Pig Sty Alley, offering Sing membership in the Gang for doing so. Upon being released, the Beast appears to be a middle-aged, slovenly, and flippant man, but is quickly shown to be a formidable and ruthless fighter. When the Landlords arrive at the Axe Gang casino to settle the score, Sum sends the Beast to fight them. Feigning defeat, he stabs both with hidden blades, weakening but not defeating them. Sum orders Sing to strike the Landlord to break the stalemate, but Sing has a change of heart and strikes Sum and the Beast instead. The Beast turns and brutally pummels Sing until he is rescued by the Landlords and taken back to Pig Sty Alley. The Beast kills Sum for disrupting his fight, takes over the Axe Gang, and orders an all-out assault on Pig Sty Alley. Back at the Alley, Sing undergoes a transformation brought on by the Beast's attack, fully healing himself, accessing his inner powers, and becoming a kung-fu master instantaneously. He sees to the well-being of the Landlords as the Gang arrives. Sing easily defeats the Gang and faces the Beast alone. The Beast uses his Toad style maneuvers to launch Sing high into the air. While aloft, Sing comes to peace with Buddha, and is able to use the Buddhist Palm method from his supposedly-fake childhood pamphlet to subdue the Beast. The Beast accepts defeat and calls Sing his master. Sometime later, Sing and Bone have opened a candy store; when Sing sees the ice cream vendor outside, he invites her in to share their childhood memories. Others like the Landlords enjoy the city without fear of the Axe Gang. The same beggar that had sold the pamphlet to Sing as a child is then shown attempting to sell another one to a young boy. Although the film is a gangster comedy, the fighting makes up two-thirds of the run time. Early scenes were choreographed by Sammo Hung, who quit after two months due to illness, tough outdoor conditions, interest in another project and arguments with the production crew. He was clearly fed up but his leaving was of benefit to the film as he was replaced by Yuen Woo-ping, an action choreographer with experience ranging from 1960s Hong Kong action cinema to more recent films like Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and The Matrix. Yuen made the decision to draw inspiration from seemingly outdated wuxia fighting styles like the Deadly Melody and Buddhist Palm, which had a huge impact on the finished feature. There are plenty fantastic special effects and wire work as you’d expect but there is a wonderful cartoon-like feel to the action, with many Wile E. Coyote and The Road Runner-style moments to enjoy. It’s basically everything you could want from a Kung Fu movie and more.