Freaked

Dir: Alex Winter, Tom Stern

1993

*****

Something terrible happened in the early 90s. Studios, who would quite happily let established directors piss money up the walls, suddenly lost their bottle. You have to look at the Coppola’s of the game, who over-ran on projects and made many a studio executive’s heart weak. They made a few masterpieces for sure, but their work ethic made studios nervous because it lost them money. It’s always about the money, which is understandable, but more and more studios couldn’t see beyond the money. Now I am surprised that 20th Century Fox went for the film quite as much as they did. Alex Winter and Tom Stern pitched the idea to 20th Century Fox and Joe Roth, the head of the studio at that time, loved the idea and offered the two a twelve million dollar deal to direct it, despite the fact that neither of them had any experience directing a major Hollywood film and had never even shot on 35mm film before. Freaked, originally called Hideous Mutant Freekz, was conceived around the time Winter and Stern had directed 1988's Bar-B-Que Movie, a short film starring and featuring the music of rock band Butthole Surfers. Winter, Stern and Surfers frontman Gibby Haynes began work on the first draft of the script, envisioning it as an obscene, ultra-violent horror film once again featuring the Butthole Surfers, costing around $100,000. The idea was, as Alex Winter put it, "Beach Blanket Bingo meets The Evil Dead". The two fished the script around to various studios for years, but to no avail. Following the end of production on Stern and Winter's MTV sketch comedy show The Idiot Box, staff writer Tim Burns was recruited to join the two in a number of rewrites. The film was completely revisioned, dropping the aspect of the Butthole Surfers entirely and turning it into a full comedy in the vein of the Monty Python and MAD Magazine-inspired humour that was present in The Idiot Box. Joe Roth loved it but signed them up on the condition that the film had to be rewritten and toned down to fit a PG-13 rating; therefore, most of the profanity was written out of the final draft to fit MPAA standards. Within a month of being picked up, the film began production. However, during filming, Joe Roth was fired as studio head by Rupert Murdoch and replaced with Peter Chernin, who didn't like the film nor the fact that twelve million dollars was being invested in it. It was perhaps a little premature of Roth to release a line of action figures, a novelization and, most notably, a comic book released by Hamilton Comics that was drawn before most of the casting was completed, so none of its characters looked anything like their real-life counterparts. Chernin cut the film's post-production budget, thus forcing a lot of the soundtrack (including a demo song that Iggy Pop had recorded for the closing credits) and special effects to be greatly cut down or eliminated altogether. The film's title was changed, as well, from the poorly received "Hideous Mutant Freekz" to the supposedly more accessible "Freaked", a title neither Winter nor Stern much cared for. After several poor test screenings, Fox chose to pull the film from a nationwide release and cut its advertising budget, leaving no money for commercials or newspaper ads. Despite initial positive critical response, the film opened in October 1993 on only two screens, making a mere $6,957 in its first weekend. It quickly dropped out of theatres, making less than $30,000 and becoming a box-office failure. It doesn’t take a genius to see that by trying to save money, the studio ended up loosing way more than they had to. The whole concept of test screening is utterly ridiculous. The film is amazing, a cult classic, although so few people have seen it it still isn’t the cult classic it deserves to be acknowledged as. It’s everything I love about the 90s. It begins with Skye Daley (Brooke Shields) as she is interviewing beloved former child star Ricky Coogin (Alex Winter). Rather bluntly, Skye asks how Ricky so quickly went from one of America's sweethearts to a name that makes children scream in terror. Ricky, completely in silhouette, begins his story. Ricky is shown accepting an endorsement contract from slimy mega-corporation E.E.S. (Everything Except Shoes) to promote "Zygrot 24", a toxic fertilizer, in South America. Although hesitant at first, the greedy, self-centered Coogin caves in after their sleazy CEO (William Sadler) offers him $5,000,000. Ricky travels immediately to the South American town of "Santa Flan" with his buddy Ernie (Michael Stoyanov). During their flight, the duo have a run-in with Ricky's 12-year old number one fan Stuey Gluck (Alex Zuckerman). Stuey begs Rick not to promote Zygrot 24 only to accidentally fall out of the plane. Once Ricky and Ernie arrive in Santa Flan, they cross paths with an angry group protesting Zygrot 24 and Ricky. In the group is environmentalist Julie (Megan Ward), who Ricky is instantly smitten with. The two con Julie into thinking they're also environmentalists (Ricky posing as a highly injured accident victim, his face covered in bandages) and she agrees to join them on a trip to another protest. However, she soon finds out their true identities and the three are stuck with each other for the rest of the drive. They decide to take a detour to see Freek Land, a local freak show only to wind up in the clutches of demented proprietor and mad scientist Elijah C. Skuggs (Randy Quaid) and his henchman, Toad (Jaime Cardriche). Utilizing his "Testy Freeks Machine", he merges Julie and Ernie into a single body and turns Ricky into a hideous green mutation. As Elijah has run out of Zygrot, only half of Ricky's body is mutated. Ricky meets the other freaks, including Ortiz the Dog Boy (an uncredited Keanu Reeves) Worm (Derek McGrath) a giant arthropod, Cowboy (John Hawkes) a literal anthropomorphic cow, the Bearded Lady (Mr. T in a dress) and Sockhead (Bobcat Goldthwait), who has a sock puppet for a head. Ricky has trouble adjusting to his new life as a freak, though he opens up when some of the other freaks recount how they were captured and disfigured by Elijah. During his first performance, Ricky foregoes his act (which inexplicably had him dressing like a caveman) and with some suggestions from Worm he performs a Shakespearean monologue which captivates the audience. Spotting his agent in the crowd, Ricky jumps off the stage hoping to be rescued, but flies into a murderous rage when the agent makes fun of him. Ricky tears his agent's head off and the crowd runs screaming into the night, with Elijah simply noting "that's what I call entertainment." The next day Ricky discovers to his horror that he is seeing a floating specter of Stuey. He angrily shoes Stuey's astral form away, but Cowboy states that only a pair of soulmates can have such a strong telepathic bond. After multiple failed attempts to sell the story to newspapers Stuey manages to sell Ricky's story to the Weekly World News, who will print anything, but ends up being captured by a group of shady businessmen that work for E.E.S. Ricky tries to escape by stealing the outfit of a milkman, only to be captured by Skuggs's gun-toting Rastafarian eyeball henchmen (literally giant eyeballs with Rastafarian accents and headwear) and brought before Elijah. Skuggs tells Ricky he plans to have him fully mutated into a blood-thirsty monster who will kill all the other freaks at the next show. On his way back to the freaks shed, he runs into the other freaks also making an escape attempt, and also dressed as milkmen. Ricky butts heads with Ortiz and the two fight until Ortiz is distracted by a squirrel and runs off, the Rasta eyeballs in pursuit. With Ortiz gone Ricky is named the new Freaks leader. Ricky and the freaks break into Skugg's lab to create a serum that will complete Ricky's mutation and have him kill Skuggs instead of the freaks. Ricky accidentally leaves the concoction in the lab, but finds a bag of tasty macaroons which the freaks enjoy. Ricky eventually finds out that Elijah's Zygrot suppliers are none other than E.E.S., who arrive at Freek Land with a shipment of Zygrot 24 and an imprisoned Stuey Gluck. As they discuss their plans to mutate the world's population into an race of E.E.S workers and consumers, Stuey follows a telepathic tip from Rick and manages to escape, grabbing the coffee can of mutation goo left behind by Ricky along the way. On the night of the show, Stuey appears with the batch of Zygrot only to have an annoyed biker dump it onto him, which turns him into a grotesque seven-foot monster. Stuey kills the biker and prepares to storm the stage and save Ricky. The Rasta eyeballs attempt to kill Stuey but he kicks dust into their eyes, blinding them. Toad tries to swallow Stuey only for Julie and Ernie to throw an M80 onto Toad's tongue which he swallows and promptly explodes. In response, Elijah infects Ricky with his own Zygrot, turning him into an equally grotesque seven-foot monster. As Ricky and Stuey battle to the death onstage, Elijah notices the E.E.S. executives trying to steal his equipment. Elijah stops them by soaking them with a Zygrot bazooka, mutating and merging them all into a giant, fleshy shoe. Right before Ricky is about to destroy Stuey, Cowboy reminds him that Stuey is his soulmate. A wave of compassion comes over him, and he gives Stuey a hug. Enraged, Elijah unsuccessfully tries to fight Ricky, who bashes him in the head, breaking his spine. Skuggs tries to get Ricky not to kill him by offering him the antidote for his mutation, telling him it was a time-delayed serum baked into a batch of macaroons. Ricky comments that he skimped on the sugar and punches Skuggs, sending him flying into the vat of Zygrot 24. An FBI task force arrives to save Ricky after having learned of Stuey's article. Skuggs suddenly reemerges from the Vat, having taken the form of Skye Daley. The FBI task force guns Skuggs/Skye down.Back at the interview, it's revealed that Ricky had turned back to normal (along with most of the other freaks, except for Worm, who hates Macaroons). They are then joined by Ortiz who has finally caught the squirrel and Stuey, still a giant super-freak. Skye comments on Elijah mutating to look like her, and Ricky realizes that Skye actually is Elijah. Skuggs lunges after Ricky with a machete, only to be gunned down by the now normal Julie. As she embraces Ricky, Skye rises again, this time to be gunned down by Ernie. Ricky and Julie kiss and everyone waves farewell to the audience until the film ends on a frozen shot of Skuggs once again rising up to attack Ricky. It was the ultimate film to me back in 1993. It had Bill & Ted, it had Brooke Shields, it had MR T!!! It is amazing John Hawkes had such a shining career after this. William Sadler, from Bill & Ted, was great and this was probably my favourite Randy Quaid performance of all time. I also think Bobcat Goldthwait’s Sockhead is the greatest character of all time and should have had his own film. Add to that the great music and the amazing special effects from the three best effects companies of the day: Tony Gardner's company Alterian, Inc., Steve Johnson's XFX, Inc., and Screaming Mad George's Studio and what you are left with is possibly the greatest example of early 90s counter-culture. This would have been a classic had it been given a proper release. The irony is that it would be a better known film had it been as bad as the studio thought it was. Films like Troll 2 are now official cult classics because they’re known as ‘best worst’ but Freaked doesn’t fall into that category. Freaked is the best, it’s just that not enough people know it.

The Red Squirrel (La ardilla roja)

Dir: Julio Medem

1993

*****

The Red Squirrel is one of the best but ridiculously unsung thrillers of the early 90s with its biggest fan being none other than Stanly Kubrick who suggested it was one the best films of the last twenty-five years. The film begins on a striking note as we see a young and heartbroken musician called Jota (played by actor and musician Nancho Novo) standing on the edge of a bridge. He is building his confidence to jump and is about to commit suicide when a girl on a motorcycle races past him out of control and crashes through the barrier and off the side of the bridge. He rushes to her aid and takes her to hospital where he decides to call her Lisa (played by award winning actor Emma Suárez of Julieta fame) and claims her as his girlfriend, after learning that the accident has caused her to lose her memory, even forgetting her real name (which we later discover is actually Sofía). After telling the paramedics and staff at the hospital that she is his girlfriend, he later tells her the same. He invents an entire identity for her, and a history of their relationship according to his own fantasies. While the same sort of scenario is used as a sweet and innocent love story two years later in Sandra Bullock’s While You Where Sleeping, The Red Squirrel doesn’t shy away from just how creepy the whole thing is. There is a darkness to it but at the same time you feel sympathy for Jota, you almost hope it works out for him, even though its one of the worst things you could do/happen to a person. It doesn’t take long for the hospital psychiatrist to become suspicious, so Jota takes her out of the hospital and away on a trip to the 'Ardilla Roja' campsite, which he claims they have been planning for some while. As their relationship becomes intimate, their behaviour sparks the suspicions of a family of fellow campers (played by Karra Elejalde and María Barranco) and it becomes clear that Lisa/Sofía's memory is not entirely missing. We soon find out that she is hiding her own past secrets, most notably, the existence of a psychotic ex-boyfriend, Félix (Carmelo Gómez), who is rampaging across the country in search of her. Julio Médem remains one of the worlds most striking directors with every one of his films hitting a unique high note. His films are bold and uncompromising and shatter the usual preconceptions we might have of the limitations of cinema as well as presenting an incredibly intelligent and original approach to the ideas of production design, editing and cinematography. The Cinematography by Gonzalo F. Berridi is also second to none and perfect for this kind of unique thriller. Stanley Kubrick was such a fan of the film, he purchased Julio Medem's own personal print from him but then Kubrick’s influence is all over this film. Credit to Medem’s own creative talent and vision but there is a little bit of Tarkovsky, Bergman, Hitchcock and Kubrick in La ardilla roja. It’s astounding how perfect the film is considering this was only his second film, following his 1991 satire Vacas – which featured many of the same actors. It marked the beginning of a body of work that would explore a multi-layered world where interpretations and elements of broad, Buñuelian surrealism are at odds with a more recognisable presentation of reality with somewhat contradictory characters who seem to demand both sympathy and scorn. I wonder whether you’d end up with Medem if you crossed Hitchcock with Buñuel, or Salvador Dali and Kubrick but either way, his work is glorious and unique. As the story progresses and we are drawn ever deeper into the film's central mystery, we begin to note the emergence of further plot influences, such as psychological horror, melodramatic eroticism, heart-stopping suspense, black comedy and eventually full-blown surrealism, it shouldn’t really work but it does – what we think we know about narrative and structure in film is clearly a lie – and the discovery is glorious. I wonder whether Kubrick liked it so much because Médem managed to explore his concept in just one simple film, where Kubrick took a life’s work to do it, with many, many takes. Kubrick had a weird way of complementing Médem though, as when Kubrick was asked if he’d like to be involved with the new Zorro re-boot (the producers knew he was a fan of the original) he suggested Médem would be perfect for the job, even though it was clear that such a film really was beneath his talents.

Cronos

Dir: Guillermo del Toro

1993

*****

Director Guillermo del Toro began writing a script about vampires in 1984. Back then he called it Vampire of the Grey Dawn and almost a decade later it was made but renamed Cronos. It is, in my personal opinion, the greatest contemporary vampire film of all time. It is one hell of a feature debut. It is unbelievable that it wasn’t excepted as the Mexican entry for the Best Foreign Language Film at the 66th Academy Awards and shocking that it was only released in only two cinemas around the world outside of Mexico. Universal approached del Toro months after the film was released to discuss the possibility of buying the rights to the film so that they could remake it into English. The writer/director was unimpressed. Cronos stared veteran Argentinean actor Federico Luppi, so del Toro’s response was "Who wants to see Jack Lemmon lick blood off a bathroom floor?". Of course that wouldn’t happen, the film would have been different but either way, a remake would have been pointless and stupid. I’m glad del Toro continues to have the same integrity he did right at the beginning of his career. The film is everything a good horror film should be. It is visually stunning, rich in originality and mythology and has many interesting religious references. It has the perfect balance of drama and horror but I can’t think of any horror film or style quite like it. As well as staring veteran Argentinean actor Federico Luppi, it also stared American actor Ron Perlman in his fifth feature film following success staring in TV’s Beauty and the Beast which was a cult hit in the late 80s. It would mark the beginning of a celebrated collaboration of films and the director and actor became good friends. No Cronos, no Hellboy. The film is brilliant from beginning to end as it spans several hundred years. In the year 1536, an alchemist in Veracruz develops a mechanism that can give eternal life. In 1937, an old building collapses and the alchemist, who has marble-white skin, is killed when his heart is pierced by the debris. Investigators never reveal what else was discovered in the building, namely a basin filled with blood from a corpse. In the present, an old, somewhat religious antique dealer, Jesús Gris (Federico Luppi), notices that the base of an archangel statue in his shop is hollow. He opens it and finds a 450-year-old mechanical object. After he winds the ornate, scarab-shaped device, it unfurls spider-like legs that grip him tightly, and inserts a needle into his skin which injects him with an unidentified solution. An insect - entombed within the device and meshed with the internal clockwork - produces the solution. Gris eventually discovers that his health and vigor are returning, as is his youth. His skin loses its wrinkles, his hair thickens and his sexual appetite increases. He also develops a thirst for blood. This at first disgusts him, but he eventually succumbs to the temptation. He then uses the device later that night, but says his nightly-prayer as he does. His granddaughter Aurora notices this, and begins to worry about him. Meanwhile, a rich, dying businessman, Dieter de la Guardia (Claudio Brook), who has been amassing information about the device for many years, has been searching for the archangel statue with the Cronos device. He has appropriated several archangels already. He sends his thuggish American nephew Angel (Ron Perlman), who allows his uncle's abuse on a daily basis for an inheritance, to purchase the archangel at the antique shop. In a now iconic scene I horror, Gris sees blood on a men's room floor during a party and decides to bend down and lick it. Angel finds Gris and tries to beat him into giving up the device. When Gris faints, Angel places his body inside a car and pushes it off a cliff. Gris briefly awakens and prays for survival, but seemingly dies. He later revives in an undertaker's establishment and escapes before he can be cremated. He returns to his home where Aurora lets him in. Dieter beats Angel for not ensuring Gris's heart was destroyed, and sends him to check on the body. Gris works on a letter to his wife in which he comments on the changes to his body, and tells her that after completing some 'unfinished business' he will return to her. He notices that his skin burns in the presence of sunlight and sleeps in a box to avoid it. Eventually, he and Aurora bring the device to Dieter's headquarters, where the businessman offers him a "way out" in exchange for the device. Gris comments on his damaged skin and the businessman tells him to peel it off because he has new skin underneath, which is marble-white like the dead alchemist. Gris threatens to destroy the device, but is told that he will die should that happen. Gris agrees to hand it over in exchange for knowing the "way out", whereupon Dieter stabs him. Before being able to strike the killing blow to the chest, Dieter is incapacitated by Aurora. The mortally wounded Dieter is found and killed by Angel, who is tired of his abuse and waiting for his inheritance. Angel confronts Gris on the rooftop of the building and beats him severely. Gris throws them both off the roof, killing Angel. Aurora finds Gris unconscious, and uses the device to wake him. Noticing that her hand is bleeding, Gris is tempted to feed off his granddaughter, but he eventually controls himself. He then painfully destroys the device, despite previous warnings. Surprised to still be alive, he believes God to have saved him because of his attempted self-sacrifice. He returns to his home and lies in bed with Aurora and his wife, waiting for the rising sun to see if he is free of the effects from the device. However, the film fades to white and then the credits roll before this can be determined, leaving Gris's fate ambiguous. There is a wonderful poetry to the film, something you don’t often see in horror but something often failed within the vampire genre. Francis Ford Coppola’s Bram Stoker's Dracula had come out the year before to great success and Interview With the Vampire came out the year after – both films eclipsed del Toro’s film and both still do even though Cronos is by far the greater film. The other films are dated while Cronos still feels fresh and exciting. It is a timeless masterpiece and one of the very best of the genre, that fact that it is still overlooked by mainstream audiences is beyond me.

Kalifornia

Dir: Dominic Sena

1993

***

I have to say I thought Dominic Sena thriller debut was one of the best quieter films of 1993. There were lots of interesting films released without much hype around then that were really good but somehow always ended up in the bargain bin of Blockbuster video. Sena followed it with the Gone in 60 Seconds remake, Swordfish, Whiteout and Season of the Witch, so it might have been down to beginner's luck, but in all seriousness, I thought Kalifornia was a quality road movie. Brad Pitt, Juliette Lewis and David Duchovny were hot property in the early 90s and newcomer Michelle Forbes had impressed with mainstream television appearances, including a regular supporting role in Star Trek: The Next Generation. To have all four of them together was something of a coup in 1993 and the dynamic between them worked really well. Their casting was ahead of the game somewhat and considering that the infamous Natural Born Killers was released the year after, so was the theme. David Duchovny played Brian Kessler, a graduate student of psychology as well as a journalist. He has recently written an article about serial killers  which has drawn interest from a publisher who has offered him a book deal. After the book deal advance is spent, Brian realizes that he needs to start working on finishing his book. His photographer girlfriend Carrie Laughlin (played by Michelle Forbes), persuades him to move to California, and they decide to drive from Louisville, Kentucky to California and visit infamous murder sites along the way for inspiration. Short on funds, Brian posts a ride-share ad. Meanwhile, psychopathic parolee Early Grayce (Brad Pitt) has just lost his job. His parole officer learns of this and comes to the trailer park where Early lives with his young girlfriend Adele Corners (Juliette Lewis). Early refuses the officer's offer of a job as a college janitor, saying he wants to leave the state. After pressure from the officer and a further altercation, Early becomes violent and spins out in his car, chasing a man across the local park. Early sees the ride-share ad at the college and calls Brian, who agrees to meet him the following day. Early sends Adele ahead, then murders his landlord before joining Adele to wait for Brian and Carrie. Carrie's first response to seeing the rough-looking couple is to suggest Brian keep driving, but Brian asks her to give the plan a chance, and she reluctantly agrees. On the road, unbeknownst to his companions, Early murders a man in a gas station bathroom and steals his money. When they arrive at the first hotel, Early becomes even more creepy to the couple when he cuts Adele's long hair shorter, to try to match Carrie's. Carrie trims Adele's hair in a less brutal 'bob-cut' and Adele paints Carrie's toenails. Adele explains that her mother did not approve of her relationship, because Early had just been released from prison. Adele reveals to Carrie that she is a rape victim and that she views Early as her protector, even though he has beaten her. While Carrie and Adele are drinking beer, Adele also admits to Carrie that Early forbids her to smoke or drink, causing Carrie to become protective of her but also fearful of him. At a local bar, Brian is confronted by another man at the pool table, and Early steps in, assaulting him. Later on in the road-trip Early introduces Brian to pistol shooting in a remote, unnamed location and while Brian is cautious of him, he begins to like Early’s company. Carrie is alarmed by Brian's growing fascination with Early and Brian's nonchalant response to the news that Early has been in prison. After catching Early and Adele having sex in Brian's car, she gives him an ultimatum: either they rid themselves of the pair, or she will leave. At the next gas station, Carrie glimpses a newscast with footage of Early and the announcement he is a suspected murderer. Early kills the gas station attendant in front of Carrie and continues the trip with the couple as hostages. They encounter two police officers, whom Early shoots and kills. They next come to the home of an elderly couple. Early beats the man to death, but Adele allows the woman to flee. As Early rushes to find the woman, Adele confronts him and says she wants nothing more to do with him. Early fatally shoots Adele, strikes Brian on the head, and kidnaps Carrie. Brian regains consciousness, and the elderly woman gives him the keys to her truck. Brian arrives at an abandoned nuclear testing site and surprises Early, hitting him in the face with a shovel. Brian finds Carrie bloodied and handcuffed to a bed, having been sexually assaulted. Early, who was only stunned, attacks Brian and they struggle until Early is hit over the head by Carrie. When Early continues the attack, Brian shoots and kills him. Some time later, Brian and Carrie are living in a California beach house. Carrie tells Brian that a gallery is interested in her art, and he suggests they go out to celebrate. The pair leave, although Brian's tape recorder continues running to reveal a "thank you" from Adele. The original script was meant to comment on the national obsession with 'true crime' stories but in truth it’s a classic thriller story with a contemporary setting. The film isn’t scared to challenge its audience and certain scenes are tough to watch, especially as the cast take on their roles with obvious relish. Tim Metcalfe’s original script was more of a black comedy – which I would have liked to have seen – but due to disagreements Metcalfe was fired from the project and the film became a violent thriller. There is little unique about it now but it did beat many other films of the genre to it and I believe it is still one of the better ones. It’s not perfect but I think the clear lack of budget gives the film a certain charm and believability. Watching it in 1993 and watching it now when the actors are all proper a-listers are two different experiences but I would argue that it still holds up. It’s a bit of classic early 90s for you, not perfect, but it has that certain je ne sais quoi.

Red Rock West
Dir: John Dahl
1993
****
Red Rock West is one of the greatest independent films of the 1990s. I remember it was one of those films that would linger in the bargain bin of the video shop for ages, so eventually I had to buy it and I’m so glad I did. I still don’t understand why it isn’t ever discussed, as Nicolas Cage is brilliant in it as are the late J. T. Walsh and Dennis Hopper. A retrospective of either Walsh or Hopper – or Cage for that matter – should always include a mention of Red Rock West. The early 90s was a strange time for cinema and many a dud film was regarded as a hit and many a classic got overlooked and forgotten. Written by John Dahl and his brother Rick, Red Rock West was a film that not even its producers liked (none of them turned up for the film’s premier) but once people discovered it, it became a cult underground classic, albeit too late for the Dahl brothers to make any money. Strange really, as it was said to have been well received at the prestigious Toronto International Film Festival in 1993. Its worth watching just to see Cage doing one-armed push-ups in the middle of a desert road to be honest. The story is about Michael Williams (Nicolas Cage), a drifter living out of his car after being discharged from the Marine Corps. A job on an oilfield falls through due to his unwillingness to conceal a war injury on his job application, so he wanders into rural Red Rock, Wyoming, looking for other work. A local bar owner named Wayne (J. T. Walsh) mistakes him for a hit man, "Lyle from Dallas", whom Wayne has hired to kill his wife. Wayne offers him a stack of cash - "half now, half later" - and Michael plays along by taking the money. Michael visits Wayne's wife, Suzanne (Lara Flynn Boyle) and attempts to warn her that her life is in danger instead of killing her. She offers him more money to kill Wayne. Michael tries to leave town but a car accident leads him to encounter the local sheriff, who turns out to be Wayne also. Michael manages to escape from Wayne but runs into the real Lyle from Dallas (Dennis Hopper). Lyle and Wayne quickly figure out what has transpired, while Michael desperately tries to warn Suzanne before Lyle finds her. The next morning, when Lyle comes to get money from Wayne, he kidnaps both Suzanne and Michael, who are trying to retrieve hidden cash from Wayne's office. Wayne and Suzanne are revealed to be wanted for embezzlement and Wayne is arrested by his own deputies. Lyle returns with Michael and Suzanne hostage and gets Wayne out of jail to retrieve their stash of money. At a remote graveyard, Wayne pulls a gun from the case of money and holds Lyle at gunpoint before Lyle throws a knife into Wayne's neck. Michael and Lyle fight, with Lyle ending up being impaled on a grave marker. When Lyle rises to attack Michael, Suzanne shoots him dead. Michael and Suzanne escape onto a nearby train, but when Suzanne tries to betray Michael, he throws the money out of the speeding train and then throws Suzanne off to be arrested by the police accompanied by a wounded Wayne. Michael's train continues its journey into a new town. The big problem the film had was that the studio didn’t have faith in the neo-noir western. They thought that only art films could go down that road, not realising that Red Rock West was made up of the same stuff as some of the most highly regarded classics. It was also something new, something that any studio worth their salt would have got behind and promoted. I look at it now and wonder how the hell it didn’t become a classic. It should be seen as an iconic piece of cinema, with bootleg t-shirts and posters being produced, like they are with Pulp Fiction. The soundtrack is also outstanding, featuring great Country & Western artists such as Johnny Cash, Shania Twain, Toby Keith, The Kentucky Headhunters and Sammy Kershaw. Dwight Yoakam’s end credits song even got to number 10 in the charts and still people didn’t know it was from the film. Dennis Hopper was originally considered for the role of the Sheriff, which eventually went to J.T. Walsh. However, Hopper fought John Dahl hard for the meatier role of hit man-with-low-self-esteem Lyle, which the director initially refused because of the similarities of Dennis Hopper's character to Frank Booth in Blue Velvet. After much pleading, Hopper won the role and it was a huge success and one of the actor’s most underrated performances in his career. When the kids today tell me how uncool the 1990s were I tell them to go watch Red Rock West. It doesn’t work but maybe you only get it if you watched it at the time, but I thought it was cool then and I think it is cool now.

Falling Down

Dir: Joel Schumacher

1993

*****

Falling Down is now considered a classic of the thriller genre, a unique action film that dealt with many social issues, brought to us by Joel Schumacher of all people. Schumacher’s career is a strange one, with classics like The Lost Boys, questionable adaptations such as The Phantom of the Opera and absolute stinkers like Batman & Robin. However, writer Ebbe Roe Smith’s career is perhaps stranger, with loads of odd-ball extra credits under his belt but only two features written by him; the brilliant Falling Down and the epically awful Car 54, Where Are You? which is standing proud as one of the worst 100 films ever made on IMDB. Two film makers with varying success but together they made a very modern classic. There are many elements to Falling Down; a man buckling under the pressure of modern life; sardonic observations on life, poverty, the economy, and commercialism in down-town Los Angeles and a retiring Sergeant given a difficult choice on the last day of his career. The opening scene, a direct homage to Federico Fellini's famous opening to 8½, is now an iconic classic. The brilliant Michael Douglas (in his own personal favorite performance) plays William Foster (known as D-FENS for most of the movie) sits in LA traffic during the heat of rush hour. The noise of the car horns, the sweltering temperature and the attitude of his fellow drivers take effect and when fact his air conditioning fails he snaps. He abandons his car and begins walking across Los Angeles to attend his daughter’s birthday party. His journey becomes a symbolic one as he walks past (through) many examples of modern day life at the core of debate at the time (The LA riots were happening at the time and there was much social disruption). At a convenience store, the Korean owner refuses to give change for a telephone call. Foster begins ranting about the high prices. The owner grabs a baseball bat and demands Foster leave. Foster takes the bat and destroys much of the merchandise before paying for a soda and leaving. Shortly thereafter, while resting on a hill, he is accosted by two gang members who threaten him with a knife and demand his briefcase. Foster attacks them with the bat and picks up the knife when they flee. The two gang members, now in a car with friends, cruise the streets and find Foster in a phone booth. They open fire, hitting several bystanders but not Foster. The driver loses control and crashes. Foster picks up a gun, shoots the one surviving gang member in the leg, and then leaves with their bag of weapons. Foster encounters a panhandler at a park and gives him the briefcase, which only contains his lunch. At a fast food restaurant, Foster attempts to order breakfast, but they have switched to the lunch menu. After an argument with the manager, Foster pulls a gun and accidentally fires into the ceiling. After trying to reassure the frightened employees and customers he won't hurt anyone, he orders lunch, but is annoyed when the burger looks nothing like the one shown on the menu. He leaves, tries to call Beth from a phone booth, then shoots the booth to pieces after being hassled by someone who was waiting to use the phone. We then switch to Sergeant Prendergast (played by Robert Duvall), who is on his last day before retirement, but insists on investigating the crimes of the day and not going home early. Interviews with the witnesses at each scene lead Prendergast to realize that the same person may be responsible. Foster's “D-FENS” vanity license plate proves to be an important lead, because Prendergast remembers being in the same traffic jam as Foster earlier that day. Prendergast and his partner, Detective Torres, visit Foster's mother, who is surprised to learn that Foster lost his job. They realize Foster is heading toward his former family's home in Venice, Los Angeles and rush to intercept him. Foster then passes a bank where a black man is protesting being rejected for a loan application. The man exchanges a glance with Foster and says "don't forget me" as he is escorted away by police. Foster stops at a military surplus store to buy a new pair of shoes. The owner, a white supremacist, diverts Torres’ attention when she comes in to ask questions. After she leaves, he offers Foster a rocket launcher, and congratulates him for shooting "a bunch of niggers" at the Whammy Burger. When Foster expresses distaste for the store owner's racism, the man pulls a gun, tells him he is "going to jail" and attempts to handcuff him, but Foster stabs him with the gang member's knife, then shoots him. He changes into army fatigues and boots, takes the rocket launcher, and leaves. Foster calls Beth from another payphone, and tells her that he is "coming home", in violation of his restraining order. Alarmed by his rambling speech and menacing manner, Beth calls the police; they send a pair of officers to her home, but they do not believe that Foster really intends to harm her, and therefore only stay for a short time. Foster encounters a road repair crew, who are not working, and accuses them of doing unnecessary repairs to justify their budget. He pulls out the rocket launcher, but struggles to use it, until a young boy explains how it works. Foster accidentally fires the launcher, blowing up the construction site. Foster calls Beth and tells her that he is close to her home. Terrified, she flees with their daughter Adele. When Foster reaches the empty house, he realizes that they may have gone to nearby Venice Pier, but Prendergast and Torres arrive before he can go after them. Foster shoots and wounds Torres and flees, with Prendergast in pursuit. At the end of the pier, Foster confronts Beth and Adele. Adele is happy to see him, but Beth believes that he has come to kill them. Prendergast arrives and intervenes. He acknowledges Foster's complaints about being ill-treated by society, but does not accept that as an excuse for his rampage. Distracting Foster, Beth kicks the gun away as Prendergast draws his revolver, insisting that Foster give himself up. Foster pulls a water gun, forcing Prendergast to shoot him dead. While I’ve always hated the ending, it does raise the question ‘Where do we go from here? Albeit without giving an answer. William Foster isn’t a hero, he is most certainly the villain but also the victim. I think there are problems with how the supporting characters are portrayed but on the whole the message comes across – modern life can be crippling, we might feel like flipping out but we only loose when we do. While the film is too simplistic to make real sociological comment, it does also explore an issue in a simplistic way that is universally understood. It is important to read between the lines. It is a neo-conservative film and an anti neo-conservative film at the same time. It’s the balance and the contradiction that make the story authentic in my opinion. It tells a story and explores a situation so that everyone can understand, in some cases its truer to life than most of us would care to admit. It is timeless in what it is trying to convey but very much of its time and a historical piece that stands as a great example of culture in the early 90s. Full of faults but a modern masterpiece all the same, the fact that it still divides opinion says a lot about its effect.

Fortress

Dir: Stuart Gordon

1993

*****

Stuart Gordon’s Fortress came out in the UK in July 1994. I remember going to see Martin Campbell’s No Escape in June of that year and being utterly disappointed by the whole thing. My best mate and I had read the synopsis and it sounded like a sci-fi, b-movie masterpiece full of possibilities and a cinema outing we would cherish for all time. You see, we had both managed to get tickets to see Jurassic Park the previous year at a screening that would show a whole 24 hours before the official premiere and release day. We took great pride in the fact we were one of the first people in the country to have seen the film and it remains one of my favorite cinema outings of all time. We have tried to better it ever since and have come close with memorable cinema visits to see Pulp Fiction and Beavis and Butt-Head Do America but No Escape didn’t come close to matching our expectations. I quite like it in retrospect but it was a bitter disappointment at the time. I do wonder whether we had read about Fortress and got the two films mixed up, as No Escape came out in June 1994 everywhere, while Fortress had come out the previous year in America and few other select countries. So a month later, our recent disappointment still in mind, we ventured into the cinema to see Fortress. Our expectations were low and the empty cinema we found ourselves in didn’t help any. However, 91 minutes and a large helping of popcorn later we agreed: Fortress was one of the best films we had ever seen and I still stand by that all these years later. It is a sci-fi, b-movie masterpiece. It’s got everything you could want from a low-budget action film and more. Set in a dystopian 2017, we find ex-army officer John Henry Brennick (Christopher Lambert) and his wife Karen (Loryn Locklin) attempting to cross the Canada–United States border to Vancouver to have a second child. They are fleeing the country as there is a strict one-child policy in force that forbids a second pregnancy due to over-population, even after their firstborn child died. Karen wears a magnetic vest to trick the security scanners but at the last minute a guard notices it and raises the alarm. Brennick is caught, believing Karen to have escaped, and sentenced to 31 years at the Fortress, a private maximum security prison run by the Men-Tel Corporation. To maintain discipline all inmates are implanted with "Intestinators" which induce severe pain or death as a form of physical control and mental conditioning. We are treated to an early demonstration of this as Brennick enters the Fortress and me and my best mate still refer to CCTV cameras as Intestinators to this day. The prison is co-run by Director Poe (cult hero Kurtwood Smith), who oversees Zed-10 (voiced by Stuart Gordon’s wife Carolyn Purdy-Gordon), a computer that monitors day-to-day activities. The prison is located underground, in the middle of the desert, inside a deep pit that can only be crossed by a retractable bridge, while the prisoners are kept in overcrowded cells secured by laser walls. Brennick is imprisoned with inmates Abraham (Lincoln Kilpatrick), a model prisoner who works as Poe's manservant and is awaiting parole; D-Day (cult legend Jeffrey Combs), a machine and demolitions expert; Nino Gomez (Clifton Collins, Jr.) and Stiggs who takes a dislike to Brennick and tries to extort him. John learns his wife has been captured and is held in another level with his unborn child who, being illegal, is now officially owned by Men-Tel and will be confiscated at birth. A plot twist that brings this b-movie into the relms of brilliant dystopian drama. Maddox, a large and aggressive inmate who is friends with Stiggs, intimidates Brennick and the two are involved in a brawl which culminates with Maddox being shot by a security turret. John manages to grab Maddox's Intestinator and gives it to D-Day before he is taken away to be subjected to a mind-wipe procedure as punishment. Poe, infatuated with Karen, tells her that if she lives with him he will treat John well and release him from the mind-wipe chamber. She accepts to help John. Poe is revealed to be a cyborg, powerfully enhanced by Men-Tel cybernetics. Four months later, a heavily pregnant Karen manages to use her access to the prison computer in Poe's quarters to help John by restoring him from his mind-wiped state. Karen steals a holographic map and gives it to Abraham to give to John. D-Day dismantles Maddox's Intestinator and uses a magnetic component to pull out the others' Intestinators. During their next work shift John's group puts their Intestinators in an air-duct and stage a brawl, causing Zed to trigger the devices and blow the duct open to prepare their escape. Poe promptly flushes the duct with steam and sends in "Strike Clones", networked cyborgs armed with flamethrowers and machine guns. Stiggs surrenders and gets shot dead, but the rest of the group kill a Strike Clone, steal its weapon and use it to kill the remaining clones. Zed alerts Poe of Karen's actions. He reveals to her that her child, like all MenTel-owned babies, will be extracted in a fatal Cesarean to be made a cyborg. Abraham and Karen resist, but are powerless against the cyborg Poe and Abraham dies of strangulation. Hijacking one of the gun turrets and using it as an elevator, John's group travels to Zed's control room. John takes Poe hostage and orders him to release Karen. Poe gives the order, but Zed refuses the command while stating that MenTel does not engage in any negotiations during hostage situations and a gun turret blasts Poe, blowing him to pieces and leaving John's group with no leverage. Once brought over to the core computer, D-Day hacks into Zed and accesses a powerful virus confiscated at the start of his sentence. D-Day manages to activate the virus after being shot and incapacitated, causing a complete systems crash and all automated security to fail. John and Gomez rescue Karen, hijack a truck, and escape to Mexico where Karen enters labor in an abandoned barn and gives birth to her and John's child. At least that’s what happens in the DVD version. In the version I saw in the cinema, Brennick, his wife, and Gomez end up at the barn where she starts going into labor. Gomez goes out to the truck to get a blanket for the soon-to-arrive baby. The Fortress computer manages to establish a remote linkup with the truck, overriding its internal controls. The truck suddenly comes to life and runs Gomez down, killing him. Brennick shoots the truck with the Strike Clone machine gun. He then sets it on fire with the flamethrower attachment. The truck crashes into the barn, exploding. Brennick climbs into the burning ruins to find his wife sitting against an old tractor, clutching her newborn baby. As much as it was harsh to see Clifton Collins, Jr. die after surviving the whole movie, it was a much better ending. Years later I met Jeffrey Combs at a Star Trek convention and asked him loads of stuff about Re-Animator and Fortress – his minder reminded me that we were at a Star Trek event but we continued anyway with hushed voices. He told me that much of the film was shot on location at a working prison facility. He and the other actors had to sign waivers stating that they understood that no rescue attempt would be made in the event that any of them would be held hostage by the prisoners. They were also given safety vests for protection but were also told by the head of security that they would most likely be useless because in most cases the prisoners usually go for the eyes in the event of a riot. It’s funny to think that initially Fortress was to be an Arnold Schwarzenegger film. Schwarzenegger actually got Stuart Gordon the job as director after his body-double stuntman Peter Kent showed him the Re-Animator series in which he had starred in. The budget was huge and they were all set to go but Schwarzenegger pulled out and most of the budget went with him. Fortress was filmed with what was left, Schwarzenegger was replaced with Christopher Lambert and Kurtwood Smith took over the villainous role from Richard E. Grant. It certainly doesn’t suffer from a smaller budget, in fact the opposite is the case. I still think it looks good, from the lasers to the fantastic Intestinator scenes. It’s a bit like RoboCop but without the satire – and the Robot Cop. I believe that had anyone else made the film it would have been a straight to video stinker – it is Stuart Gordon who makes it a masterpiece and it is thanks to Fortress (among many of Gordon’s films) many an actor has reached cult status. A low-budget B-movie that is better than most big-budget blockbusters, and one I can re-watch again and again.

Coneheads

Dir: Steve Barron

1993

****

May I have 698 words with you? Based on a Saturday Night Live sketch from the early 80s, critics and audiences panned Coneheads upon its 1993 release but personally, I think it has aged remarkably well. I didn’t see it when it came out, it looked a bit rubbish if I’m being honest and I thought in 1993 that it was a little passed its sell by date. While there is something very ‘80s’ about it, I would argue that it intentionally avoids certain clichés of the decade. For instance, the Coneheads – a family of aliens stranded on planet earth – are never registered as different by any of the humans they encounter. As their name suggests, they have huge cone-shaped heads and speak scientifically but their colleagues and neighbours see them as eccentrics and nothing more. This is quite refreshing and helps move the story along so it can concentrate on the more comical and less obvious aspects of the situation. Since 1993, the issue of immigration has become heated debate, so on reflection it is rather nice to see a cheerful and upbeat film that expresses the positivity of the subject. The Coneheads have their own belief system, customs and traditions but they also embrace America and its way of life. There is actually very little that is ‘alien’ about the film. While it may come across as a goofy film about funny shaped extra-terrestrials, it is actually a rather tender look at society, belonging, adapting and embracing. It’s pretty funny too. It might be that in 1993, many comedy films relied on catchphrases and certain characteristics that made them stand out. It seemed that most Hollywood scriptwriters were more concerned about getting one of their new made-up words into society’s consciousness than they were actually writing memorable stories. I remember many a classmate adding the word ‘not’ after saying something they didn’t mean (Wayne’s World) and it becoming quite tiresome, but thankfully the rather meaningless ‘Sta-tion’ (Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey) came and went within a week or so. I do remember people referring to their mothers and fathers as ‘Parental units’ though and a few of them still do. While Coneheads may have seeped into some people’s vocabulary, it is purely out of good writing and I would argue that its script is one of the best comedy scripts of the early 90s. Tenderness and comedy are not always the easiest things to merge but Coneheads manages it effortlessly; “If, for some reason your life functions ceased, my most precious one, I would collapse, I would draw the shades and I would live in the dark. I would never get out of my slar pad or clean myself. My fluids would coagulate, my cone would shrivel, and I would die, miserable and lonely. The stench would be great.” It is classic Dan Aykroyd, and the last lead performance of his that has been truly great. I love his and Jane Curtin’s chemistry; she is brilliant and perfect in the role. I love the silliness of their ‘alienisms’ and how it is actually observational humour, making point on our own funny rituals. I like the cheesy poster. I really love it all. Unappreciated at the time, I feel now, with lady nostalgia by my side, that this is something of a delayed classic. Seriously, there are not many comedies of its ilk made since that are as funny. The supporting cast is awesome, it includes; Sinbad, David Spade, Michael McKean, Adam Sandler, Drew Carey, Dave Thomas, Parker Posey, Jason Alexander, Michael Richards, Ellen DeGeneres, Jon Lovitz, Tom Arnold and the late Phil Hartman and Chris Farley. Comedians and Saturday Night Live regulars all at the top of their game at the time. The physical comedy is actually brilliant, each cameo performance is delivered perfectly, no matter how short and simple it may be. You may not like the film but you cannot deny its charm. Seriously, when Dan Aykroyd’s Beldar confesses to his daughter “Your positive perception of me is vital to my existence. Besides, it is not every day a father can give the world to his child.” I nearly almost cried. Coneheads deserves some love and it gets plenty from me.

Dollman vs. Demonic Toys

Dir: Charles Band

1993

****

 At the end of 1992’s Domonic Toys, Baby Oopsy Daisy, Jack Attack, Mr. Static and Grizzly Teddy were repeatedly shot and the demon controlling them sent back to hell by the ghost of an unborn child, so logic would suggest that it would have been the last we would see of them. Similarly, after 1991’s Dollman, we wondered whether he would ever find the answer to the question “Does size really matter”. The end credits to 1992’s Bad Channels suggested the answer was yes, and that Brick Bardo (Tim Thomerson) had heard of a certain shrunken lady called Bunny he may want to make the acquaintance of. A Domonic Toys sequel seemed inevitable, given Full Moon Picture’s methods and the general way of the horror gene, but Dollman 2 seemed unlikely and a Bad Channels follow up even less so. Thankfully, this wasn’t the case (but poor old Grizzly Teddy wouldn’t be seen ever again). I loved Dollman, I think Bad Channels is an overlooked 80s masterpiece and I found Domonic Toys ridiculously charming. So a three-way, ménage à trois, mash up sequel was music to my low budget, b-movie horror/sci-fi loving ears.  I’m not sure why Grizzly Teddy was replaced by Zombietoid, a blonde GI Joe action figure with a sword as a weapon, but I’m certainly not disappointed that the shrunken lady Dollman set out to find wasn’t Bunny, but was in fact Nurse Ginger (Melissa Behr returning to the role) from Bad Channels. An explanation is offered and excepted. The film relies on flashbacks from the three previous films an awful lot, understandable, but with a 64 minute run time it does seem a bit cheap at times. It is essentially a showcase for the three previous films but I think it still does a lot with what it has. The story begins with Brick Bardo making his way to the little town of Pahoota to visit the famous 11 inch women featured in all the newspapers. He feels the urge to reassure her that she isn’t alone, if you catch my drift. He finds her bikini-clad, sunbathing on a kitchen worktop and saves her from a giant (normal sized) spider, in a scene straight out of The Incredible Shrinking Man. Meanwhile, Officer Judith Gray (Tracy Scoggins from Domonic Toys) keeps watch over the toy warehouse were her partner and lover was killed and she was harassed by killer toys. Her dreams tell her that history will repeat itself some way or another and she wants to be there to deal with it when it does. She doesn’t have to wait long, as somehow a drunken homeless man sneaks past Ray the security guard (played by cult favourite Phil Fondacaro), stumbles into the warehouse, jumps on a kids bike, falls off, hits his head and bleeds on the exact spot that causes the killer toys to be awoken. The toys then somehow convince Ray to help them summon their demon master. Realising she is perhaps in over her head, Officer Gray seeks the help of Brick and Nurse Ginger, which is a little sizeist of her to be fair. Surely big people who could squash the toys would have been more advantageous but then Brick does have that powerful gun of his. Brick and Nurse Ginger agree to help and start by shooting Ray between the eyes, unfortunately for the trio, a clumsy prostitute has wandered into the warehouse and has been killed – precisely on the spot where the demon is buried, which of course begins the resurrection proceedings. Of course it is well known demons can’t be fully resurrected until midnight, which gives the three heroes a bit of time to sort things out. Things get a bit weird when the demon possesses Baby Oopsy Daisey and tries to rape Nurse Ginger. Brick fights off the remaining toys and calls Baby Oopsy Daisey’s bluff, until Baby Oopsy Daisey explains he now somehow has a penis and threatens to kill Nurse Ginger with cervical dislocation, after impregnating her and eating the baby of course. Admitting he now has a penis was his first mistake, a kick in the balls later and the day is saved. Brick and Nurse Ginger then go back to the giant kitchen where she lives and have tiny sex. I’m not sure you could ask for more from a sequel, apart from it being a little bit longer and maybe asking for another one? Early 90s, low-budget horror/sci-fi, you just can’t beat it, the genre hadn’t been as good since the 50s and I wonder whether the introduction of CGI will ever see it be as great again?

RoboCop 3

Dir: Fred Dekker

1993

**

You can't beat Paul Verhoeven's 1988 original RoboCop, it's a classic and pretty untouchable. That said, I actually really liked RoboCop 2 and I thought the 2014 remake was very clever too, updating the story and going back to the roots of the overall idea. The fact that is often overlooked is that RoboCop was originally meant to be Judge Dredd. Verhoeven lost the rights to the character after laying down the foundations of the film, so he tweaked it somewhat, changed the costume and the setting, and it's pretty obvious when you look back at it now (and if you're familiar with the 2000AD comic). Judge Dredd was created to represent neo-conservatism and was in fact a futuristic robot embodiment of Margret Thatcher - watch FutureShock! The Story Of 2000 AD if you don't believe me. RoboCop 2 was just a robot vs robot action film, a guilty pleasure but it had none of the wonderful satire of the original. In its defence though, RoboCop 3 does revisit core themes including gentrification, privatization, corruption and general capitalism, it just doesn't do it quite as well but there are bold attempts. Producers cut Frank Miller's original script for RoboCop 2 to pieces, the end result being nothing like Miller's vision. He was finally allowed to write RoboCop 3 in full but once again the producers ripped his ideas to shreds and it would be over a decade until he would have anything more to do with Hollywood. The big problems I had, apart from the fact the great Peter Weller didn't reprise the title character, is that there were never any moments of dread, no surprises, no genuine feeling that the OCP were a genuinely in-control nasty corporation. It was also clear that they decided that RoboCop 3 should be more of a kid-friendly film, the violence was toned down and one of the main characters was a child (it took a while to work out if it was a boy or a girl). Director Fred Dekker has rather graciously taken full responsibility for the film's failures since, personally I think many are to blame but he's a classy guy for saying so. There is a wonderful early 90s feel about the film that I, a self-confessed aficionado of the era, feel rather fond of. It isn't very good and it is by far the weakest film of the franchise but before it is completely rejected there are a few things of credit worth considering. Firstly, RoboCop has a jet pack. It doesn't matter who the character is, whether it is James Bond or anyone, jet packs are ace and make everything better. Secondly, RoboCop 3 the video game was awesome. I couldn't complete it and it would always crash but I spent many happy hours playing it. Thirdly, it has one of my favourite examples of early digital morphing in it. Sure, Terminator 2 did it a thousand times better two years earlier but I love the punchy effects of low-budget 90's morphing. The indestructible evil samurai robots turned out to be fairly destructible in the end but it was so worth having them in the film just to see their faces slip and twist with every Robo-punch. Lastly, without RoboCop 3 one of my favourite songs of all time would not exist. One of my favourite bands, Future of the Left, who are clearly fans of the original, wrote a song in 2012 called RoboCop 4 - F**k off RoboCop. It is a wonderful swipe at the big blockbusters, greedy producers and the general failings of Hollywood, centring around the fact that Orion were so confident that RoboCop 3 would be a success, they started production on RoboCop 4, just before going bankrupt. It's an easy watch, inoffensive and something to munch popcorn to. Not great but I'd buy it for a dollar.

Hear No Evil

Dir: Robert Greenwald

1993

*

You can file Robert Greenwald's 1993 thriller Hear No Evil under either 'Predictable', 'Insulting' or 'Stupid' but you'd be better off throwing it in the bin. Its premise is as formulaic as it gets, it's been done before and it has been done better. It feels like a bad 80s film but made in the 90s, making it just that little bit worse if that makes any sense. John C. McGinley plays a journalist who is after a story of a crime syndicate involving police corruption and a stolen coin. When his car is blown up in suspicious circumstances (with him inside), his best friend and restaurateur Ben (D.B. Sweeney) and his deaf personal trainer Jillian (Marlee Matlin) are thrown together under suspicion of a corrupt police detective (Martin Sheen) of knowing the whereabouts of a priceless historical coin. They don't know where it is and basically Marin Sheen bullies them for the next 90 minutes until the film's 'Scooby-Doo' style conclusion reveals the how, what and why (but not the who cares). Between tiresome scenes of overacting and puzzling action sequences, we learn that deaf people are human beings too, they're just like us except they are slightly more useless, adorable but still useless, except for lip reading, they're brilliant at lip reading, even when the person has their back to them, they can lip read them. It is important to remind deaf people that they are deaf in case they forget and one should make a big deal of their deafness at every possible opportunity. It's an odd gimmick that wears very thin, very fast. Basically, bad things happen and Jillian never hears it until Ben turns up, falls in love with her despite her deafness, hears the bad stuff for her and stops said bad stuff from happening thereon. That's pretty much it but much worse than it sounds. I'm a fan of D.B. Sweeney and or Martin Sheen but this film is dreadful and they are both dreadful. Why do all 80s heroes (this is an 80s film made in the 90s) live in lofts? Why does Martin Sheen's character live in a house on the end of a massive pole? Why does Ben's mum live on a house in the middle of a lake? The location spotter was at least pulling his/her weight I suppose, when no one else was.