Disturbia
Dir: D. J. Caruso
2007
**
Disturbia not only possesses what is possibly one of the worst titles for a film ever but is also a remake of an Alfred Hitchcock classic, Rear Window. Starring Shia LaBeouf! Not only does it sound like sacrilege, it sounds awful too. It is sacrilege but it as awful as all that. The character development was acceptable and the contemporary version of the story works well, but it is still stuck in a moronic Hollywood way of thinking. Shia LaBeouf's character is a troubled youth who is under house arrest for getting up to no good. My question is why couldn't he have just been a nasty kid, why the pointless Dead Father back story to justify his situation? Are we the audience so fickle that we wouldn't accept a story where the 'hero' is just a bad kid rather than a good kid with issues? That kind of thing bothers me, but whatever, the film soon descends into silliness anyway and turned out a little more like 'The Burbs' rather than Rear Window and not in a good way either. It was much better than I was expecting but I was expecting it to be terrible.

Eagle Eye
Dir: D. J. Caruso
2008
*
You don't have to be 'Eagle eyed' to be able to spot all of the massive plot-holes and mistakes in this action-thriller stinker. For a film where the tiny details are vitally important and integral to the story, you'd think the makers would reflect that in their own work. The overall idea is OK and could have been great in the right hands but is ultimately ruined by the fact that action took over logic - and the action isn't even all that good. Oh, and it's got Shia LaBeouf in it too, do you need anymore reason than that to hate it? I know people will say not to over think it and to enjoy it for what it is but actually the film pretended to be intelligent and requested that I treat it accordingly, thus insulting me when it turned out to be absolute dribble.

I Am Number Four
Dir: D. J. Caruso
2011
*
As painful to the ears as it is to the eyes. I am number 4 has the worst dialogue I've heard in a long time. Teenage Alien with angst meets human teenagers with similar angst and team up to fight other aliens who want to kill them for no apparent reason. It is dull beyond belief, poorly written and acted and relies heavily on special effects and a monster fight in the end. The cliches are too many to mention. Should be called I am a big fat number 2.