Amsterdamned

Dir: Dick Maas

1988

****

Amsterdamned is a unique and cult Dutch horror film from the unfortunately named director Dick Mass. It is often overlooked and only really mentioned by hard-core horror cinephiles, and after watching it I do wonder why it hasn't been seen by a wider audience. The opening scene is brutal, as the body of a prostitute we see murdered the night before, is left hanging from one of Amsterdam's bridges and only discovered when a boat full of school children and tourists passes underneath. The story then follows Eric Visser (St Nicholas in Mass's Christmas horror Saint), the homicide detective assigned the case. Visser (played by Huub Stapel) is your typical 1980s detective and the film is rather cheesy at times with silly one-liners and clichés associated with that era but then it also goes into Giallo mode and becomes something quite terrifying. It's the best of both worlds, a really compelling detective mystery and a genuinely frightening horror. You could argue that it is also an action film, as the stunt are ridiculously good. There are a couple of car chases down the narrowest of roads that could give The Italian Job a run for its money but the speedboat chase through Amsterdam's canals is insane. It's like The French Connection's infamous car chase but on water and stars world famous stuntman Vic Armstrong. The chase is in reference to the 1970 Dutch film Puppet on a Chain but I would argue that Amsterdamned does it better. In all honesty there are many films from America, Britain, Italy, France and Germany just like it but there is something uniquely special about Amsterdamned. Dick Maas's direction is unflappable and meticulous and the story is written to a higher quality than most films of its ilk, although there is nothing quite like it. The reveal of the villain was quite rewarding I thought, although I can see why some may have found it to be a bit of a silly let down but the final conclusion is a wonderfully bleak contrast to the rest of the film that never really takes itself too seriously. It's everything you could ask for from a cheesy 80's Giallo-style horror/thriller/action film featuring a murderous frogman, half of me is glad it didn't get the franchise/sequel treatment that most 80's horror films went through but if I'm being honest, half of me is sad it didn't.

Saint (Sint)

Dir: Dick Maas

2010

****

Good Christmas horrors are few and far between but the better ones in recent years have their origins in folk-law and historical events. The comically named Dick Mass (writer and director of the cult classic Amsterdamned) has produced one of the best horror films since the 80s that is both ridiculous and clever at the same time, as well as being a lot of fun of course. It's a bit ridiculous that Saint (Sint) didn't make it across of the globe to be honest, probably due to Dutch festive traditions being slightly different to other countries, but it's especially stupid as it's far better than any American Christmas horror made in the last couple of decades. The main villain isn't Krampus or even a Santa gone bad, it is Niklass (Sinterklaas, Santa Claus, Saint Nicholas) but a version we've not seen before. This Sinterklaas is the ghost of the original Bishop Niklass who later became a Saint. This story would have us believe that the legend has been retold and twisted over time (which is half true) and that jolly St Nick was actually a tax collector and looted and pillaged rather than gave. When the people of Holland had finally had enough and had nothing more to give (the 5th December 1492 to be precise), they burned Bishop Niklass and his brutal gang to death under a full moon. So now, every time there is a full moon on the 5th December, the ghost of Bishop Niklass and his band of murderous men, return for a good old fashioned killing spree. The film begins with old St Nick visiting a small town in December 1968 and bludgeoning a small family to death apart from a little boy who manages to get away. It's a hell of an introductory scene which gives just a small sample of what to expect for the next 90 odd minutes. Fast forward to 2010 and that little boy is now a grown police officer who has spent the last 42 years preparing for another night of mayhem.  It's very much a horror but it does have a comical edge about it. I wouldn't say it was a horror comedy in the classical sense but there is something wonderfully dark but witty about it. I think that, apart from the excellent gore and unexpected action sequences, it is the story and characters that really shine through. The idea that the government, Catholic Church and local authorities know all about Bishop Niklass' and his murderous visits and have kept it a closely guarded cover-up gives it a beautifully twisted edge. It's exciting, darkly amusing and culturally informative. What else could you ask for from a Christmas horror film?