The Adventures
of Hercules (AKA Hercules II)
Dir: Luigi Cozzi
1985
****
Genuine 'So bad they're good' movies are rare
but sequels to 'So bad they're good' movies that are equally 'So bad
they're good' are practically non-existent. 1983's Hercules
was a b-movie masterpiece, Cannon studio's attempt at getting in on the action
during a time where there was an influx of fantasy sci-fi films featuring
mythical beings and ridiculously muscly muscle men. Luigi
Cozzi returns to direct, although he is credited as Lewis Coates, just in case
anyone is put off by the fact that it is a dubbed Italian movie presumably,
although if they'd seen the first then they weren't paying enough attention.
There wasn't going to be a sequel to 1983's Hercules
originally but while the first film was being filmed back-to-back with I sette
magnifici gladiatori (The Magnificent Seven Gladiators - also starring the cast
of Hercules) they had problems and the legendary Cannon
producers Menahem Golan and Yoram Globus asked Cozzi to take loads more
footage, enough as it happened, to piece together another Hercules film.
There is the big re-cap, similar special effects sequences, loads of dubbing
and Pino Donaggio's score from the first film is reused note for note. Lou
Ferrigno wasn't told. So if the story doesn't seem to make much sense
that's the reason, although the first film didn't make much sense either but
that's not altogether too important. Once again 1978's Superman is a big influence, with an identical
opening credits style and the outer space special effects looking very similar.
The story takes place a long time after the first, Hercules
has been taken from earth and is in some sort of status floating around space.
When the naughty gods decide to raise King Minos from the dead, Zeus thinks it
best to send Herc down to sort him out again. However, Minos turns on the gods
and sets about taking the world over once more with 'science' and ridding the
universe of gods (which he doesn't believe in, even though they brought him
back from the dead), Meanwhile, Hercules is given the task of finding Zeus's
seven Thunderbolts that have been stolen by the naughty gods and hidden inside
various monsters. Hercules battles slime
people, Euryale - a snake-haired, half-woman, half-scorpion Gorgon, the Queen
of Spiders, a demonic sorcerer knight person who likes hanging dolls in
trees and a beast from hell who has taken the form of the best
digital special effects 1985 had to offer on a shoe-string budget.
Hercules is assisted along the way by sisters Glaucia and Urania, played by
half-dressed 70's Playboy girls Milly Carlucci and Sonia Viviani. Their quest
eventually leads them into space where Hercules
has to fight King Minos who has taken the form of a neon
dinosaur (even though dinosaurs weren't part of Greek mythology). Herc, not
being the brightest spark, decides to take the form of a neon Gorilla and
somehow beats him. When it looks as if all has failed and the moon will crash
into the earth, Herc does his getting big thing and separates the planet
and the moon as if they were drunken best friends about to fight after a night
on the drink. 'It's just not worth it', although it very much is. The giant
robots may be gone but there are plenty of brightly coloured and over the top
special effects to enjoy, quite what Lou Ferrigno thought was going on if
this wasn't a Hercules film is a bit of a mystery but it's almost as good as
the first spectacular. Greek and Roman mythology are clumsily mixed up and
confused with one another and the origins of the universe altered from the
shattering of a flashy-buttoned jar seen in the first film to that of an Angel
who flew about a bit and produced a seed of light, which created everything.
It's still a load of old nonsense, bizarrely written and badly performed
but it's just as golden.
