Lucky

Dir: John Carroll Lynch

2017

*****

Not many people are lucky enough to reach their nineties and most of those that do don’t feel so lucky. Harry Dean Stanton however tried to live as long as possible so that he could carry on pursuing all the things he loved, making films and smoking being two of them. John Carroll Lynch’s debut (and what a debut it is) is a celebration of Stanton in many respects and I’d love to know just how he came about the story and just how he approached Stanton about it. Not many actors get to choose a swansong and most of the greats finish their careers on particularly bad choices but Lucky is about as perfect as it gets and perfect for such a great and admired actor such as Stanton. The film is full of everything a great Stanton film should have, as well as everything a Stanton fan could ever dream of, including drunken conversations with David Lynch, St Elsewhere’s Ed Begley Jr playing his doctor and a rekindling with Tom Skerritt thirty-eight years after they stared together in Ridley Scott’s Alien. The film also features a huge nod towards one of Harry Dean Stanton’s greatest performances and most iconic scenes featured in Wim Wender’s 1984 masterpiece Paris, Texas. Lucky is essentially the story of a 90-year-old man and his struggle against encroaching old age. He’s not ill as such but no one can live forever. The story depicts his coming to terms with his own mortality, as he searches for enlightenment. The film starts with Lucky waking up in the morning, smoking a cigarette, and then doing some yoga - the Five Tibetan Rites of Rejuvenation. He lives alone in a small house in the small desert town of Piru, California. Each morning he drinks a glass of cold milk (the only thing in his refrigerator) before heading outside. Later he heads to a diner for coffee where he is on friendly terms with the owner Joe (Barry Shabaka Henley) and the staff there. Joe suggests he quit smoking or it will kill him and we suspect this isn’t the first time he’s asked, Lucky replies (again) that if it could he would have died already. He stays and works on his crossword puzzle from his daily newspaper before walking to a local market where he picks up his cigarettes and another carton of milk for the morning. The owner, Bibi, tells him that her son Juan (Spanish for John) is having his tenth birthday in one week and is becoming closer to a man, and Lucky refers to him as Juan Wayne on his way out. That evening, Lucky stops at a bar and has a few Bloody Marys with the locals who frequent the establishment. One of the regulars named Howard (David Lynch) is depressed since his pet tortoise has escaped since it had outlived two of his wives – very much a David Lynch sort of conversation. This is Lucky’s routine. The next morning, Lucky is having his a cup of coffee when he becomes light headed and falls over. At the doctor’s office he is given a clean bill of health. Dr. Christian Kneedler (Ed Begley Jr.) tells Lucky that he has out smoked and outlived most his same age fellows who have ailments and that he considers Lucky a wonder of medical science. He tells Lucky his own father passed away about a year ago, the look on Lucky's face suggests that he has known the Doctor for many years. Possibly since he was a child. At the diner later that morning, he tells people he fell and everyone who usually jokes with him become concerned, not wanting to feel like a burden and that his time is short he leaves the diner after saying, "What's the fucking point?". That night, Lucky calls a friend while he is watching TV. He tells his friend that when he was a boy he accidentally shot a mockingbird with his BB gun. He says the silence was devastating and it was the saddest thing he had ever seen. He thanks his friend of listening and hangs up. At the bar, Lucky listens to the story from one of the bar regulars named Paulie (James Darren) about how he met and married his first wife and Lucky reflects that he has never been married or had any lasting relationship. Lucky then sees Howard talking with a lawyer named Bobby Lawrence (Ron Livingston) about making a will for himself and wanting to leave all of his possessions to his pet tortoise which Howard has named 'President Roosevelt'. Lucky begins causing a scene over Howard's life choices that everyone in this world is alone and is meant to be. Another day or two later, one of the diner staff, named Loretta (Yvonne Huff), visits Lucky to check on him. While smoking marijuana, Lucky shows Loretta old photos of his military service in the US Navy and they watch old VHS tapes of Liberace performing in concert as Lucky comments on his past life how he never got married or settled down. While having coffee at the diner, Lucky runs into the lawyer Bobby Lawrence where he confides in him about his accident days earlier. Bobby tells Lucky about a time when he nearly got into a car accident that could have been fatal and comments on being prepared for the unexpected. Lucky visits a pet store to look for a small animal to adopt as a companion, but he instead decides on a packet of live crickets. At the diner the next morning, Lucky meets a tourist named Fred (Tom Skerritt) whom he starts a conversation with after learning that Fred used to be a Marines veteran who served in World War II. Lucky tells Fred about his time in the US Navy during the war in the Pacific and of his evading death several times during combat (which is actually all true as Stanton served on the USS LST-970, a tank landing ship, during the Battle of Okinawa). Lucky attends Bibi's son Juan's birthday party and comes to enjoy the company and stuns and thrills everyone by singing a song in Spanish for the attendees. That evening, Lucky goes back to the bar for his Bloody Mary drinks as usual where he talks with Howard, Paulie and others about his life. Howard still hasn't found his tortoise and claims that it was "meant to be" of his companion leaving and that all things must eventually come to an end. Lucky then lights up a cigarette at the bar, despite being told not to by the owner, Elaine, and brings up his public smoking that got him banned from a place called Eve's. Lucky explains that everything goes away eventually and that everyone should make the best of life as they have it for now before they pass on. He leaves the bar still puffing on his cigarette. The next morning, Lucky wakes up and goes into his usual routine with drinking his cup of hot black coffee, doing yoga, and drinking a glass of cold milk. He then sets the clock on his coffee machine to the correct time and cleans up his house for the first time in months. He goes for a walk through town as he always does and passes by an outdoor botanic garden which is named 'Eve's' where he was banned for public smoking. In the desert, Lucky lights up a cigarette, looks up at a tall and imposing cactus, smiles, and begins his walk back to town. In the final shot as Lucky walks down the desert trail path alone, a tortoise walks across the path from one end to the other before disappearing in the desert bushes. Just before Lucky walks off he breaks the forth wall and smiles at the camera. This little smile for the audience comes direct from Stanton himself, who knew he didn’t have much time left in the world. It is wonderfully uplifting and sad moment and a piece of cinema gold for his fans. Whether or not it was planned I don’t know but somehow Stanton’s final ever scene speaks a thousand words without saying anything at all. It is a wonderful film, a persona journey and a heartfelt goodbye. I found it incredibly emotional, a film I think I will revisit many times again.

Don't Open Till Christmas

Dir: Edmund Purdom

1984

****

Don’t Open Till Christmas is one of the last true horror classics that can declare itself as being so bad that it is brilliant. Actually, scrap that, I’d go as far as saying that it is just plain brilliant. Most of the great Christmas horrors feature Santa as the main killer (Christmas Evil, Silent Night, Deadly Night, Santas Slay etc) but Edmund Purdom’s cult classic has Santa as the victim. Written by a soft-porn director (Derek Ford) and subsequently re-written by a low budget Sci-fi director (Alan Birkinshaw), Don’t Open Till Christmas is very much of it’s time and place – a bit cor blimey and rather surreal. The male characters are all either jack the lad of establishment gents while every female, with the exception of our protagonist, is a stripper. The film starts with a man dressed in a Santa suit and a woman meeting in an alleyway to have sex in a car. It has a distinct ‘Confessions of..’ feel about it. They are spied on before both are stabbed to death by a man wearing a transparent mask with a smile painted on it. Meanwhile, during a pub party, another man dressed like Santa Claus has a spear thrown through his head while on stage, and dies in front of his daughter, Kate Brioski (Belinda Mayne). At New Scotland Yard, Chief Inspector Ian Harris (the film’s director Edmund Purdom) and Detective Sergeant Powell (Mark Jones) discuss the murders, and interview Kate, and her boyfriend Cliff (Gerry Sundquist) who was also there at the night of the murder. That night, another Santa is killed, having his face shoved onto the grill of an open fire that he was roasting some chestnuts on. It is pretty graphic. The next day, a present (which reads "Don't Open Till Christmas") is delivered to Harris and handed to him by his cleaning lady who is straight out of a ‘Carry On’ film. Powell receives a strange call from a man claiming to be a reporter named Giles (Alan Lake) and the plot thickens somewhat. Later that night, a drunken Santa is shot in the mouth in a back street. After telling her it is time she got over the brutal murder of her father (it’s been a day) Cliff tricks Kate into visiting a porn studio owned by an old friend. He suggests that maybe she’d like to pose for some pictures to ‘forget about her troubles for a while’ but she storms off. Later, after a few drinks, Cliff and the model (who is adorned in a Santa cloak) prepare for some outdoor photographs, but Cliff runs off when a pair of police officers spot them. The model hides down an alley but encounters the killer, who is just about to stab her before noticing she is naked under her Santa costume. He admires her breasts for a few minutes and decides to let her go. Later that night, at a Soho peep show, a masturbating Santa is stabbed, which is witnessed by one of the strippers, Sherry Graham. Harris visits Kate and Cliff, and makes it clear that Cliff is a suspect in the attacks, due to being present for two of them. Powell finds Giles digging through his office, and tells him that the newspaper Giles stated he worked for claimed not to know him. Giles retorts by suggesting that Harris is hiding something, and that Powell should keep an eye on him. Later that evening, a Santa is assaulted by a group of teenagers, and runs into the London Dungeon, where he and an employee are killed. In an effort to catch the murderer, several officers go undercover as Santas, but two of them are butchered at a carnival. The killer then abducts Sherry, intending for her to be "the supreme sacrifice to all the evil that Christmas is". Meanwhile, Harris is taken off the case, and when Kate calls him, she is informed by his housekeeper that he is visiting Parklands, a mental institution. Things get a bit manic and a bit ridiculous then as a Santa is chased into a theatre where Caroline Munro (in one of the strangest cameo performances of all time) is performing. The Santa is killed backstage and his body is brought to the stage by a trapdoor complete with a  machete stuck in his face. Kate tells Powell of her suspicions about Harris (who she discovers has no birth certificate) but he dismisses her theories, so she goes to visit Parklands alone, while the killer castrates a Santa in a department store restroom. Kate is confronted in her home by Giles, who she had learned was just released from Parklands, and is the younger brother of Harris (who changed his surname from Harrison after Giles was committed). Powell telephones Kate, and she tries to answer, but Giles strangles and stabs her. Powell hears Kate's death over the phone, rushes to Kate's apartment, and pursues Giles into a junkyard, where Giles electrocutes him. Giles returns to his hideout, which he chases Sherry through when she escapes her chains. Sherry knocks Giles over a railing, and when she goes to inspect the body, Giles springs back to life in a good old fashion horror movie jump scene, and begins throttling her. A flashback is then shown, and reveals that decades earlier Giles walked in on his father (who was dressed as Santa for a Christmas party) cheating on his mother with another woman. When Giles's mother discovered this, she and her husband got into an argument, which ended with Mrs. Harrison being knocked down a flight of stairs. It’s how most serial killers start I’m sure. We then see Harris as he wakes up from a nightmare. He goes into his living room and unwraps the ‘Don’t open till Christmas’ gift he had gotten earlier, which has a previously unseen card that reads "Christmas present from your loving Brother". The present is a music box, which explodes in spectacular fashion after playing its song, killing Harris instantly. There is so much I love about this film it is hard to know where to begin. Edmund Purdom is a much higher calibre of actor than the rest of the cast but Mark Jones’ performance is so realistic you totally believe he’s a real person. Gerry Sundquist is the Jack-the-lad character that pretty much every man in his twenties was represented as in the 70s and early 80s. There is a crudeness to the film – it is both gory horror and a soft-core at the same time – but there is also a lot to give credit to. I would argue that it is closer to being a Giallo than an Exploitation film and the whodunit element of the film is remarkably genuine – I certainly guessed the wrong person as the killer right up to th end. Pretty much everyone gets it and the horror element will please both gore lovers and creep freaks. The ending is so over the top and surreal, that I think it might be one of my very favorites of all time. The film took almost two years to complete after original director Edmund Purdom quit the job and Derek Ford took over but was fired after two days. The distributors then hired Ray Selfe to complete the direction and Alan Birkinshaw to rewrite parts of the script, including the original ending and the London Dungeon sequence, and much of the footage was completely re-filmed when Edmund Purdom eventually returned to finish the film. It is amazing it was made in the first place but I’m so glad it was. Half the cast would either die of alcoholism or suicide over the next few years and, apart from the porn actresses, most appeared in The Bill before disappearing. They should all be proud though of this amazing film. Story aside, I also loved the many scenes of 80s London. Big mainstream films only feature famous landmarks that generally go unchanged over the years but Don’t Open Till Christmas shows so much of the real side of 80s London that I would suggest lovers of nostalgia (and not necessarily horror) would also enjoy this bizarre but brilliant work of art.

Black Christmas

Dir: Glen Morgan

2006

*

I’m not overly fond of remakes but as much as I liked the original 1974 Black Christmas, I was open to an updated version. Also, Bob Clark, director of the original film, gave it his blessing and acted as co-producer and Glen Morgan, who made the brilliant Willard remake in 2003, was announced as director. Christmas horrors are hardly ever great but I love them anyway, this film however looked as if it could be a serious contender. I thought Willard was one of the best films of 2003 but it was a box office failure. Glen Morgan stated that if Black Christmas were to bomb it would be the end of his directing career. This film would be a critical and financial failure unfortunately proving his fears correct because, as of 2018, he is yet to make another film. Morgan blamed the failure on studio interference. According to Morgan, he and James Wong had various disputes with Dimension Films executives Bob and Harvey Weinstein, specifically about the film's tone and the way it should end. Morgan's original script ended with Kelli and Leigh in the hospital receiving a phone call from Billy, whom they believed to be dead; this scene, which Morgan filmed, was intended to pay homage to the conclusion of the original film. This ending, however, was scrapped by Bob Weinstein, who requested Morgan write and shoot a different ending. This ultimately resulted in the more violent conclusion that appears in the theatrical cut, which has Billy being impaled on the hospital's Christmas tree-topper. After production concluded, Bob and Harvey Weinstein oversaw the shooting of additional footage in Los Angeles intended only for promotional materials. According to Morgan, he was contacted by the Weinsteins, who wanted to "pick up some shots for TV spots", to which he agreed. Among the footage shot was Lacey Chabert being dragged through the snow; footage of a woman falling from the roof, where there is a "weird lawnmower electric Christmas light thing", an unidentified woman (played by Jillian Murray) discovering a woman floating beneath a frozen lake; Michelle Trachtenberg aiming a shotgun and saying "Merry Christmas, motherfucker" into the camera; and additional shots of Trachtenberg in a hallway holding a shotgun while Billy levitates above her on the ceiling. While this footage never appeared in the finished film, the fact that it appeared in the official theatrical trailer as well as television spots was enough to make Morgan justifiably nervous. If I’m being honest though, I think everyone was responsible for it being a stinker. The original film is famous for being the first modern slasher and the first Christmas horror. It was dark but fiendishly entertaining. The 2006 remake is a piss-poor teen drama with the odd severed head here and there and while I think most teen dramas would be improved by the occasional beheading, this film sucked. I’m also amazed the studio actually interfered as they did considering they only spend $9 million on it. The story is completely different to the original with only a couple of elements in common. William Edward "Billy" Lenz, a boy born with severe jaundice, is constantly abused by his hateful mother, Constance Lenz. With the help of her lover; Constance murders Billy's father, Frank on Christmas Eve 1975 and buries his body in the house's crawlspace. To prevent Billy from talking, she imprisons him in the attic. Years later, Constance attempts to conceive another child, but realizes that her boyfriend is impotent. She goes to the attic and rapes twelve-year-old Billy. Nine months later, Constance gives birth to their daughter, Agnes. Constance uses the occasion of Agnes' birth to further reject Billy, and her boyfriend believes he fathered Agnes. On Christmas Day 1991, Billy escapes from the attic and disfigures eight-year-old Agnes by gouging out her eye. He then brutally murders his mother and her lover. He is caught by police eating cookies made out of his mother's flesh, and is sent to a mental asylum. Fifteen years later, on Christmas Eve, Billy, now 35, escapes from his cell and heads to his former home, now a sorority house for Delta Alpha Kappa at Clemson University outside Boston. At the house, Clair Crosby, one of the sorority girls, is murdered in her bedroom by an unknown figure. Meanwhile, Megan Helms begins to hear noises and goes up to the attic to investigate. Upon finding Clair's body in a rocking chair, Megan is attacked and killed by the same assailant. In the living room, the other sorority sisters, Kelli Presley, Melissa Kitt, Heather Fitzgerald, Dana Mathis and Lauren Hannon, along with their housemother Mrs. Mac, receive a threatening call from a stranger. Clair's half-sister Leigh Colvin soon arrives, searching for her. The withdrawn Eve Agnew presents Heather with a glass unicorn before leaving the sorority house to go home for the holidays. Meanwhile, Kelli's boyfriend, Kyle Autry, arrives but is kicked out when Kelli discovers a video of he and Megan having sex. When the lights suddenly go out, Dana goes to check the power under the house, but encounters the figure in the crawlspace and is dragged underneath and killed with a garden fork. The girls in the house subsequently receive an indecipherable call from Dana's cell phone. Outside while searching for Dana, they find Eve's severed head in her car. With the police are unable to arrive in time due to a snow storm, Kelli, Melissa and Leigh decide to stay inside the house whilst Heather and Mrs. Mac flee. In the car, Heather is murdered, and Mrs. Mac is impaled by a falling icicle. While Kelli and Leigh descend to the garage to investigate, Melissa is attacked and killed by an assailant with a pair of ice skates. Kelli and Leigh return upstairs and find Lauren's eyeless corpse in bed. Kyle returns to the house, and the three go to investigate the attic; while ascending the ladder, Kyle is dragged into the attic and stabbed to death. The killer is revealed to be Agnes, now an adult; Kelli and Leigh watch in horror as Billy appears in the attic as well. Agnes, along with Billy, attacks Kelli, knocking three of them into the empty space between the walls of the house. Kelli and Leigh manage to escape before starting a fire, and leave Billy and Agnes to burn to death. Later, Kelli and Leigh recover at the hospital. Billy, who is partially burned, kills the morgue assistant. While Kelli goes for an x-ray, Agnes (also survived from being burned to death) appears in her hospital room and kills Leigh. When Kelli returns to her room, Agnes appears through the ceiling and attacks her, but Kelli uses a defibrillator to kill Agnes. Moments later, Billy enters through the ceiling and chases Kelli to the stairwell. They briefly fight, ending with Kelli pushing Billy off the railing where he is subsequently impaled on the tip of a Christmas tree, killing him. I liked very little about it. I liked the Christmas tree with heads on it and I liked how Mrs. Mac was killed by an icicle because in the original the killer is repeatedly warned about this by his mother. Mrs Mac was also played by Andrea martin who was in the original – which was cool – but in an interview Morgan said he wanted either Martin or Margot Kidder to play the house mother – I just wish he’d included Kidder in some way. The rest was just mind-numbingly awful and I didn’t care who lived or died. The villains were rubbish and the twist was unimpressive. All nods to the original fell flat and became annoying but only because the original was so much better. It doesn’t deserve to share the same title as the 1974 classic. Pretty much every great horror film has endured an awful remake and in 2006 it was Black Christmas’s turn.

Krampus Unleashed

Dir: Robert Conway

2016

*

I’m a sucker for a Christmas horror, especially when Krampus is involved. The poster looked pretty good, just as all posters for crap horror films do. That’s the trick – spend time and money on a brilliant poster and then spend no time or effort in making the actual film. By the time people realise it is a terrible film it’s too late, its made its money back and then some. I don’t watch many horror films these days because of it but I’m glutton for punishment when it comes to festive terror. I expected more of the same rubbish - and it really is more of the same rubbish - but my heart sank further when I saw that it was directed by Robert Conway. Conway was responsible for 2015’s Krampus: The Reckoning, made less than a year before Krampus Unleashed. The best thing I can say about Unleashed is that it is much better than Krampus: The Reckoning, but the I consider the earlier film as being one of the worst movies ever made (but somehow only the second worst Krampus movie ever made). I will ignore the fact that the film had a limited budget – Evil Dead had a limited budget. The story begins well, with a title board explaining things that would have been tricky to film (which usually doesn’t stop horror film directors filming anyway). We see a group of prospectors digging a hole in the middle of the Arizona desert on a tip that there is buried gold there, hidden by the Claus brothers – the best robbers in Germany! They don’t find gold, only a summoning stone, presumably hidden there where no one could find it. They should have dropped it in the sea, then we would have been spared this nonsense. Because said summoning stone had been touched with fire (the clumsy idiots drop it on their gas lamp) is shines a light and awakens Krampus who, probably in complete confusion?, chases after the group and rips their limbs off (rather than ask them where the hell he is). Krampus himself looks a like a cross between a Wookie, one of the older Muppet monsters and when dogs have rolled around in fox crap. He isn’t in the least bit frightening and I’m not sure how he manages to kill so many people considering how slow and easy to out run he is. It might be the only time where I suggest that maybe CGI would have been better, although the last scene featuring what I think was supposed to be a baby Krampus doesn’t help my case. How did Krampus get pregnant and when was Krampus a girl? Anyway, the stone ends up in a river and I guess water – being the opposite of fire – calms his arse down so he can rest again. A hundred years later, a young family (mum, dad, daughter, son) make their way to their grandparents house in the middle of the Arizona desert in order to spend Christmas with them. The other side of the family also arrive but no one really gets on. When out looking for gold in a nearby river, the young son – the only one not distracted by a random stranger with boobs walking past - finds the summoning stone. You can probably guess the rest. I have nothing against formulaic slashers just as long as they are inventive and entertaining but Krampus Unleashed is about as dull as it gets. The whole production feels fleshed out but the ‘good bits’ are never worth wading through the guff. It is full of underdeveloped plot elements and nonsensical character motivations. The dialogue is stilted and often rambling, making very little sense. The characters didn’t feel like real people, just bad actors – which of course is what they are. That said, a couple of the cast members can act, or at least far better than others, so in many of the scenes you’ll have two people standing next to each other – one who looks terrified and the other who looks like they’re looking for the bathroom. The lack of action would have been fine if they had delivered some suspense and if the characters had been developed some but that wasn’t the case. The action, when it finally happens, is basically as scary as a tall person wearing a rubbish outfit can be, that is, not very. This isn’t a Krampus movie. It would have been better to have just made the killer a cannibal hermit or something, rather than everyone’s favorite festive beast. I can’t help but think Krampus is one of the easiest fantasy villains to get right, so why do so many people get him so wrong?

Elves

Dir: Jeffrey Mandel

1989

***

Pretty much all Christmas horror films are bad but it seems as if the best ones, or should I say, the best of the worst, were all made before 1990. Elves is pretty bad but, I actually quite liked it. The story is about as absurd as any Christmas horror had been before and since and I think that’s what I love about it. It all starts when teenager Kirsten (Julie Austin) accidentally cuts her hand during an "Anti-Christmas" pagan ritual with her friends Brooke and Amy in the woods. Rather unexpectedly, her spilled blood somehow awakens an ancient demonic Christmas elf. The elf we learn, is the central figure in a modern-day Neo-Nazi plot to finally bring about the master race that Hitler had always dreamed of conquering the world with. Rather than a race of pure-blood Aryans, it is revealed that Hitler instead dreamed of a race of half-human/half-elf hybrids (it is also revealed that elves figured heavily into a pseudo-cult religion that the Nazis practiced in secret). Kirsten is also a figure in this plot as she is the last remaining pure-blooded Aryan virgin in the world, her grandfather being a former Nazi who was once involved in the plot (but is now reformed); he is also her father, as inbreeding was somehow considered crucial to maintaining a pure Aryan bloodline. Unaware of all these sinister goings-on, the non-festive Kirsten continues to sulk her way through the Christmas season as she works at the snack counter of a local department store. Mike McGavin (Dan Haggerty) is an ex-cop who lost his badge when he lost control of his alcoholism. Jobless, penniless, and recently served a notice of eviction from his ramshackle trailer home, Mike turns to his old friend – the manager of the department store – for help, and winds up becoming the store Santa after the prior Santa is murdered by the elf. Without a proper home, Mike sneaks into the store at night to sleep in the storage room and live off the snack counter left-overs. One night, he hears Kirsten and her friends, who have also sneaked in, frolicking through the store as they wait for their boyfriends to show up for an all-night party. The shadowy Nazi group arrives instead, planning to kidnap Kirsten and find the elf so the master race can finally be made reality. With Mike's help, Kirsten escapes with her life, though her friends are not so lucky. Promptly fired for breaking into the store after hours, Mike and Kirsten are able to devote their time to unraveling the plot. After making a Christmas Eve visit to the local college library and later breaking into a professor's home to demand information, Mike realizes what is afoot and sets out to protect Kirsten. Mike, Kirsten and her grandfather have a final climactic showdown with the Nazis and the elf in Kirsten's home, culminating in the woods where Kirsten destroys the elf by performing a ritual involving an "elfstone" from her grandfather's study. The following morning, Kirsten huddles in the now-inexplicably destroyed forest as it begins to snow for the first time that winter. The film ends on the image of a fetus, suggesting perhaps that the plot was successful despite the elf's seeming inability to actually copulate with Kirsten before its demise. It is amazing. I have criticized Christmas horror films of being too complicated in the past, suggesting that many of them should just concentrate on the slasher aspect of the horror but elves is very different. You don’t see much of the Elves but what you do see is golden. The Nazi experiment plot is the stuff of b-movie wonder and what is bad about the film is fairly forgivable. I really liked the characters too and each death is fairly inventive. The best thing about it though is that Grizzly Adams himself is the alcoholic ex-cop Santa hero that every Christmas horror needs. The best Christmas horror films are the ones that take themselves less seriously and the ones that are as ridiculous as they can possibly be. The quality of the film isn’t good but the acting isn’t bad. The script is better than most but the important aspect – the bit that nearly every modern horror gets wrong – is the editing. Its never stunted, it might be bad but it flows rather well and doesn’t look like its been filmed in someones garage. It’s a bit odd that the Elves are referred to as Trolls for most of the movie but apart from that it is a terrible film that is puzzlingly entertaining, making it one of my favourite Christmas horror films of all time. At this point any Christmas horror film I don’t hate feels almost like a masterpiece in some respects.I suppose it is a masterpiece in some respects, one of the best worst films ever made.

Teen Titans Go! To the Movies

Dir: Aaron Horvath, Peter Rida Michail

2018

***

Teen Titans Go! To the Movies breaks no new ground and doesn’t try that hard to win over new fans – it is for the fans of the series, taking place during it’s fifth season. I’ve never seen it because I honestly didn’t think it was meant for me. I remember the original Teen Titans and I kind of dismissed that as being something for the kids, a way to get the youth interested in DC again. I can’t knock it because I don’t know enough about either version but I enjoyed Teen Titans Go! To the Movies. I liked that they kept it real to the series and didn’t add too many bells and whistles to the movie version. Deadpool breaks down the fourth wall for Marvel and now Teen Titans Go do it for DC and do it in a way suitable for kids. The thing is, I found that most of the humour and references were directed at adults – adult nerds – generally in their forties. Seriously, who, other than forty-year-old nerds are going to know who the Challengers of the Unknown are, about the Jack Kirby deflection to DC from Marvel and who Michael Bolton is. Still, the story starts well with the Teen Titans arriving in Jump City to stop the giant Balloon Man. I liked this scene because it was funny and because Greg Davies voiced the villain when James Cordon pulled out at the last minute. I like any film where Greg Davies appears and James Cordon doesn’t. When the Balloon Man cannot figure out who they are, the Teen Titans jump into a rap song to introduce themselves and become distracted, forcing the Justice League to intervene. It is a suitably snappy intro that sets the scene for views such as myself who haven’t watched the series. The Justice League criticize the Titans for being childish, not taking anything seriously, and bring up the fact that they do not have a movie of their own to prove their legitimacy. While at the premiere of Batman Again, Robin humiliates himself, after assuming that there will be a movie about him (seeing as they’re making ‘Batmobile’ and ‘Utility Belt the Movie’), and is laughed out by the audience. At the rest of the team's suggestion, Robin resolves that in order to get a movie made about him and the Titans, they need an arch-nemesis. Nearby, Slade breaks into S.T.A.R. Labs to steal a crystal. The Titans arrive and attempt to stop him, but he swiftly defeats and insults them. They have found their arch-nemesis. I thought it was funny how they kept calling referring to Slade as Deadpool. Slade's alter ego in the movie is Jade Wilson. Deadpool's real name is Wade Wilson. Deadpool was in fact created as a parody of Deathstroke but again, only nerds know that right? The next day, Beast Boy, Starfire, Cyborg and Raven create a movie to cheer up Robin, but he turns it off prematurely declaring that they will go to Hollywood to have a movie made about them. Upon arriving, they encounter director Jade Wilson, who is responsible for all the superhero movies being made. She turns down the Titans' request to be in a movie, but explains that the only way she would make one about them is if they were the only superheroes in the world. The Titans take her words literally by going back in time to prevent the origins of the other superheroes, but only end up ruining the present, forcing them to go and undo their blunder. Their time travel kicks off many Back to the Future references – again, do kids watch Back to the Future or is it a nerdy film their parents watch? Either way, the references become tiresome. Slade next arrives at Wayne Tech to infuse the crystal's power and the Titans arrive to stop him, this time putting up an actual fight. They secure the crystal, but Slade escapes, resolving to split Robin from his teammates. The next day, Jade invites the Titans back to Hollywood and announces that she will make a movie about them due to their recent fight with Slade. While Robin is given a tour of the premises, Raven, Beast Boy, Starfire and Cyborg venture out and cause mischief. They find a Doomsday Machine that is heavily guarded by the heroes and try to destroy it, but Jade arrives and reveals that D.O.O.M.S.D.A.Y., is just a terrible acronym for a new streaming service for the new movie she is making. She resolves to drop the rest of the Titans from the film and make it solely about Robin, which he happily accepts, much to the consternation of his team, who wish him luck. Robin finishes making the movie, but during a scene where he interacts with a prop version of the Titan Tower door panel, a light falls and knocks him out. He awakens and finishes the scene where Jade reveals that they are now in the tower for real, and that she is actually Slade himself in disguise. He gets the crystal back, restrains Robin, and tells Robin that his making so many superhero movies was a plan to keep the heroes busy while he invaded their cities to build his D.O.O.M.S.D.A.Y. Device to take over the world. Robin escapes from the shackles with his baby hands, and runs out of the exploding tower. The next morning in the wreckage, Robin calls his friends back, who join him with open arms. At the premiere of Robin: The Movie, the Titans arrive and unmask Slade, but Slade unleashes the crystal's power to control the other heroes and sends them after the Titans. Robin goes after Slade while the rest of the team leads off the heroes. However, Slade uses his new power to control Robin, and tells him to attack his friends, who show him the rest of the movie they made for him. Robin comes to his senses. Using one of their songs, the team takes out Slade together, defeating him and his giant robot, which also destroys the crystal, snapping the heroes out of their trance. The heroes all congratulate the Titans for their heroic efforts with Robin admitting that he has learned to be himself. When he tries to go on, everyone demands that they cut to the credits immediately with Robin attempting to stall so that "kids can ask their parents questions." Starfire breaks the fourth wall to say to go right to the credits, but Robin stops just before the film ends telling kids to "ask [their] parents where babies come from." In what has to be the most underwhelming mid-credits scene of all time, the Teen Titans from the 2003-2006 series show up on a distorted screen telling the viewers that they "found a way back." In a post-credits scene, the Challengers of the Unknown (seen earlier in the movie) are still trapped with their leader postulating that they missed the movie. It is one of many jokes that is repeated too often. I would describe it as DC does Powder Puff Girls by way of Austin Powers (via Police Squad) with a huge helping of diet Deadpool. It is a little repetitive but forgivable by being likable – if not a little familiar. To be honest they won me over by having Nicholas Cage voicing Superman.

Love the Coopers (AKA Christmas With The Coopers)

Dir: Jessie Nelson

2015

*

Every year sees hundreds of awful made-for-TV Christmas films that were all either clearly made in the summer, involve Dean Cain and puppies or revolve around an already established theme but with an added Christmas tree. It usually features all three. I actually like Dean Cain Christmas films because Dean Cain is a legend but the rest can go to hell. However, every so often there comes along a Christmas film with a fairly impressive cast with some money spent on it and I become excited. Surely big name actors and loads of studio money equals a great movie right? Wrong, in fact it is hardly ever the case. Love the Coopers (titled Christmas with the Coopers in the UK) is one of the best examples of one of the worst examples. Many people suffer during the festive holidays, whether it be poverty, loneliness or depression and Samaritan charities are busier than at any other point in the year. Suicide rates sore and it is becoming more and more of a problem. So, watching a film about people who have everything anyone could wish for complain that they don’t have enough at this time of the year, makes for unwelcome viewing. I don’t mind a melancholy Christmas film as long as it deals with real issues but this self-obsessed and unconvincing mulch isn’t good for anyone. My parents – who eat food that is years out of date and still think Mr Bean is funny - like it and that pretty much says it all. Sam and Charlotte (played by John Goodman and Diane Keaton) declare they are divorcing after forty years of marriage following one half-argument. It is never convincing and, surprise surprise, they don’t. Charlotte convinces Sam to wait until after their grown children (Hank and Eleanor), grandchildren (Hank's kids Charlie, Bo and Madison), Charlotte's father and sister (Bucky and Emma) and Sam's aunt (Fishy) have enjoyed one last "perfect Christmas" before announcing the planned divorce. As scenes shift back and forth across the Cooper family members, their memories also briefly appear on screen as younger versions of themselves. Hank (Ed Helms), already struggling through his recent divorce from Angie, loses his job as a family holiday photographer when replaced by a machine. Neither job or machine actually exist in the real world, unless he is freelance, in which case you don’t lose jobs, they just last for a certain amount of time. Eleanor (Olivia Wilde) has flown in but stays in an airport bar rather than going straight to her parent's house. She meets Joe (Jake Lacy), a soldier snowed in for at least another day at the airport. Talking about their different points of views and stances on relationships. Their conversation made me want to squirt washing up liquid in my eyes to take away the pain. Eleanor reveals that she is secretly dating a commitment-free married man. She hates how her parents judge her for not being in a relationship (they don’t), so she convinces Joe to pretend to be her boyfriend at the family dinner, totally ignoring where Joe was actually going in all of this. Bucky (Alan Arkin) is a regular at a local diner, where he has befriended Ruby (Amanda Seyfried), a 20-something waitress who is unsettled. They get into a serious argument when he learns that she is leaving town to a random spot on the map, made worse by telling others but being "too cowardly" to tell him. He then apologizes and asks her to join the family dinner. High schooler Charlie drops in on his crush, Lauren, at the holiday store she works - finally making a move and sharing a kiss with her. Emma (Marisa Tomei) is arrested by police officer Percy Williams (Anthony Mackie) after she attempts to steal a piece of jewelry as a gift for Charlotte. In his car, Emma engages him in conversation, and he relents and lets her go, with advice that she buy Charlotte the most expensive thing she can afford. This conversation made me want to bite my own fingers off. Sam and Charlotte continue arguing while preparing dinner. The four generations of Coopers are arriving at the house, along with Joe, Ruby, and Hank's ex-wife, Angie (Alex Borstein). During the dinner, chaos unleashes when Hank and Angie argue about their divorce, which leads to Bo screaming at them to "just stop fighting". There is a momentary power outage, and when it comes back Eleanor is kissing Joe, Emma is drinking everyone's wine, and Ruby screams when she sees that Bucky has collapsed. At the hospital (which is clearly the airport from the earlier scenes involving Eleanor and Joe but with a couple of airport signs up), Hank and Ruby walk beside Bucky's gurney as he is being taken for tests. Ruby kisses Bucky on the lips – confusing but deeply touching Hank. In the waiting room, Charlotte argues with Eleanor when she figures out that she is sleeping with Bucky's physician, Dr. Morrisey, so Eleanor crushes her further by admitting that Joe is just a prop from the airport bar. Just how Eleanor is having an affair with someone in a place she doesn’t live (remember she flew in from elsewhere) is never asked and never answered. Alone with a sleeping Bucky in his room, Charlotte and Emma argue about their broken relationship as sisters. Joe leaves after also realizing Eleanor's affair is with Dr. Morrisey, but she chases after him, and the two share another kiss. Charlie is surprised when Lauren appears in the waiting room, responding to the text he sent her (actually, Bo sent it to "help" him). Hank comforts Ruby as part of their budding relationship. Sam and Charlotte reconcile. Emma, following Officer Percy's advice, buys Charlotte the most expensive thing she can – a shower stool from the hospital's small gift shop. Everyone is happily sharing a "Christmas meal" in the hospital cafeteria, when fortuitous music leads the whole Cooper clan to joyfully dance around the cafeteria. People who haven’t actually met in the film dance together as if they know each other. To make matters worse, it is revealed that the whole film has been narrated by the family's St. Bernard, Rags (voiced by Steve Martin). Rags spends most of the film taking about things dogs could never have an concept of but this doesn’t matter, this film is for the brain-dead and if you aren’t brain-dead before watching, then you will be once you’ve finished. Plot holes, pointless characters, woefully continuity issues, excruciating dialogue, made up nonsense, fake problems and Diane Keaton attempting physical comedy and failing for the hundredth time. I like nothing about this film, although if my dog could talk, I would like it to have Steve Martin’s voice. His happy voice though, not his sad one featured in this horrible film. Humbugs.

One Magic Christmas

Dir: Phillip Borsos

1985

*****

Phillip Borsos’ One Magic Christmas is one of the seasons most overlooked classics. It is everything you could want from a Christmas movie and so much more. Christmas films come in various different categories but excluding Christmas themed horrors and the made-for-TV rubbish that is churned out year in year out, they are usually serious drama (with a few moments of comedy thrown in) or they are fantasy. Borsos’ One Magic Christmas is the only seasonal film I can think of that balances both, perfectly. Phillip Borsos was a great director, One Magic Christmas was the first film of his that he himself had written and I can’t help but think that when he died in 1995 at the age of 41 we lost a film maker who would go on to make some important movies. That said, One Magic Christmas is an important film to me and to many others. It is also hated. I’m a bit humbug personally, although I do enjoy many of the aspects of Christmas. I just can’t stand the over-enthusiasm of the whole thing, not in adults anyway. It is something that can make Christmas just that little bit harder for people, when it should be a time when we look after each other. I believe this is largely forgotten and I find the most Christmassy of people to be the biggest hypocrites of all. I digress. One Magic Christmas doesn’t shy away from how tough the time of year can be and it is convincing in doing so. The story begins with St Nicholas sending a message to an angel called Gideon asking him to help a family in need. Gideon is Harry Dean Stanton, sitting up a tree playing the harmonica. It is safe to say I was sold on the film from there on. Ginny Grainger (Mary Steenburgen) is the mother of two children, Cal (Robbie Magwood) and Abbie (Elisabeth Harnois). Her husband, Jack (Gary Basaraba), has been out of work since June, and they have to move out of the company house on New Year’s Day. Jack fixes bikes as a hobby in the basement and hopes to give one to his children's poor friend, Molly Monaghan, for Christmas. Although he would like to open a bike shop of his own, doing so would use up all their savings, which Ginny sees as a foolish move. In order to make ends meet, she works as a cashier at a grocery store – a job she hates, largely thanks to her inexperienced manager. One night, Abbie goes across the street to the mailbox to send a letter to Santa Claus. After she mails it, Gideon retrieves it from the mailbox and returns it to her saying that her mother should mail it. She agrees, and as she's crossing the street to return home, a car barrels down the road towards her. Gideon stops the impending accident and allows Abbie to cross the street without incident. The next day, the Graingers visit Jack's grandfather, Caleb. He gives the children presents: Cal a Christmas book and Abbie a snow globe of the North Pole. That night Gideon visits Abbie in her room only to learn that Ginny did not mail Abbie's letter to Santa Claus. Gideon warns Abbie that some things are going to happen tomorrow and not to be afraid. Meanwhile, Ginny and Jack are in the kitchen talking about their finances. He reiterates his desire to open a bike shop, but she feels that he should find a new job, as the time to start turning a profit from a business would be too long. Frustrated, he storms out of the house to go for a walk. She races after him to try to work things out. Ominously, all the Christmas lights begin turning off all around her, signifying that the last of the Christmas spirit has been drained from her. The following day is Christmas Eve and Ginny gets a ride to work from a friend. While at a gas station, she sees a man named Harry Dickens trying to sell some of his possessions in order to support himself and his son, with little success. She shrugs off the situation and goes on with her day. Meanwhile, Jack, along with the children, goes to the bank to take some money out of their savings to do some Christmas shopping. He tells them to wait in the car, but Abbie leaves to visit Ginny at the grocery store she works at across the street. Abbie informs Ginny that Jack is at the bank which causes her to storm out to stop him, only to have her boss, Herbie Conklin, see her leave and fire her. She returns Abbie to the car and enters the bank only to discover that Harry is holding it up. Jack attempts to quell the situation, but Harry impulsively shoots, and Jack collapses onto the ground. A sobbing Ginny cradles her dead husband on the ground. In a panic, Harry flees the bank and steals Jack's car with Cal and Abbie still inside. Ginny chases after him in his abandoned car, but it runs out of gas before she can catch up with him. He comes to a bridge where the police have set up a road block and tries to swerve around it, but skids off the bridge, plummeting to his death into the icy river below. Distraught, Ginny returns home to an empty house and weeps in the bathroom. However, Caleb soon comes to the house to inform her that the kids have been found standing on the side of the road. The police believe that Harry dropped them off before the crash, when in reality Gideon rescued them from the river. When they return home, Ginny informs them that Jack has been murdered by Harry and is never coming home. Later that night, Abbie runs away to the town's Christmas tree in hopes of finding Gideon to ask him to bring back her dad. Gideon tells her that he can't fix things like that and that the only person who can bring him back is Santa Claus himself. Gideon takes Abbie to the North Pole to meet him. He informs her that he too cannot fix what has happened nor can he bring the Christmas spirit back to Ginny, but Abbie can. He then takes her through his factory (which is run by "ordinary, nice people," not elves) and retrieves an old letter that Ginny had written when she was a child. He tells her that it may hold the key to helping her mother. Gideon returns Abbie to her house and she gives her mother the letter. She reads it and finally realizes the true meaning of Christmas: to celebrate what you have and not what you want. She walks outside to the mailbox and mails Abbie's letter. Just then, all the Christmas lights in the neighborhood come back on, Jack reappears, and Ginny hugs him much to his confusion as he is only returning from his short walk the previous night. The day’s events never happened. The next day, Ginny relives the events of that Christmas Eve with a much different attitude. She gets her boss to concede to let her take the day off so she can spend time with family. At the gas station she buys a camp stove from Harry who thanks her and wishes her a "Merry Christmas". That evening, she attends the tree lighting in the village square, happily joining the participants in singing O Christmas Tree. Later, she writes a check to Jack for the bike shop and the family delivers one to Molly. As she is about to fall asleep, she hears something downstairs and finds Santa putting presents under the tree. He then stops and looks at her and says, "Merry Christmas, Ginny." She smiles and with tear-filled eyes, finally says the words she has been unable to speak for so long: "Merry Christmas!" It is fair to say that the story is utterly ridiculous (not to mention harrowing) but really no more ridiculous and emotionally manipulative as any other Christmas film. The generosity shown on the last day is what it is all about in the end, as it is subtle and real. The whole film addresses the very real struggle of people while also celebrating genuine magic when it happens and seeing it in the ordinary things. Sure, Abbie is transported to the North Pole and Harry Dean Stanton does magic tricks, but the real wonder of the film is when Ginny buys something she doesn’t want from someone who has nothing. It is over the top and gritty at the same time, a real one off for sure. I have heaps of warm nostalgic feelings for the film but I do wonder whether the sad truth of the matter is that people don’t want their kids to go talking to older men in long dark coats in the middle of the street or to see someone’s dad being shot at Christmas. The message, I fear, has been overlooked. Go hard or go home is what I say, why watch endless streams of watered-down made-for-TV rubbish when you can get your Christmas fix in one face-slapping hit? It’s Santa Claus the movie but with vigour and cahoonas. It has Harry Dean Stanton sitting up a tree playing the harmonica for goodness sake, what more could you want?

Roma

Dir: Alfonso Cuarón

2018

*****

I’m struggling to think of a director as diverse as Alfonso Cuarón – all his films are impressive but I wouldn’t know they were made by the same person unless I was told. High quality visuals and an engaging story are about the only things they have in common, that and one stand out scene. I love a film that proudly wears that one big scene – give me one big scene over a film of little scenes any day of the week. Roma has around five of those stand out scenes. It had been five years since Cuarón’s spectacular Gravity and over a decade since the groundbreaking City of Children – add to that the fact that he also changed the direction of the Harry Potter films in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban which really lifted the series, it was time the director was allowed to embark on a very personal passion project. Roma is a semi-autobiographical take on Cuarón's upbringing in Mexico City in the early 1970s, and follows the life of a live-in housekeeper to a middle-class family. The title refers to the Colonia Roma district of the city. The fact that the great Federico Fellini made a film in much the same vein and with the same name (covering the directors early life and memories growing up in Italy’s capital city) would suggest it is a tribute to the master film maker, indeed, the film features many ‘tributes’ to directors and films favoured by Cuarón (the appearance of the great La Grande Vadrouille being my favorite). Some would suggest Cuarón had some gall following so brazenly in Fellini’s footsteps but I would argue that his Roma is just as good but also completely different. Cuarón  can however, be considered in the same league as Fellini and his Roma will be regarded as a classic on equil terms – I have no doubt. The film's events take place between 1970 and 1971, predominantly in the Colonia Roma neighborhood of Mexico City. Cleo (named after the Cléo character in Agnès Varda's Cléo from 5 to 7) is a maid in the household of Sofia. Sofia's household consists of her husband Antonio, their four young children, Sofia's mother, Teresa, and another maid, Adela. Antonio, is a busy doctor and the family seems to revolve around his infrequent visits home. It seems he is always on his way to a ‘conference in Quebec’ and it gradually comes clear that his relationship with Sofia is in trouble. The first quarter of the film is rather slow as we follow Cleo’s life cleaning, cooking, taking the kids to and from school, serving them meals, putting the kids to bed and waking them up and clearing up the dog poo of the family dog who no one seems to want. In their time off, Cleo and Adela go out with their boyfriends, Fermín and Ramón, to the theatre. At the entrance, Cleo and Fermín decide to go to the park (rent a room) instead of seeing the movie. Fermín, while naked, shows off his martial arts skill using the shower curtain rod as a pole. It was my wife’s favorite scene. At another date, both couples meet in a movie theatre to watch La Grande Vadrouille, where Cleo tells Fermín that she thinks she is pregnant. Just as Terry-Thomas and Bourvil escape the Nazis in a packed airplane, Fermín says he is going to the rest room and will be back. He does not return and is nowhere to be found when Cleo goes outside to look for him. Cleo reveals the same concern to Sofia, who takes her to get checked at the hospital where Antonio works. The doctor there confirms her pregnancy. We then get to see a great slice of the middle-class life in 70s Mexico when Sofia takes Cleo, Adela, and her children to a family friend's hacienda for New Year's. Both the landowners and the workers mention recent tensions over land in the area. During the celebrations, a fire erupts in the forest. Everyone helps put out the fire as a man counts down the remaining seconds of 1970 before singing in the foreground. A foreshadowing of trouble to come. Back in the city, Cleo accompanies the children and their grandmother to a movie theater (to watch Marooned) as Antonio is seen rushing in the other direction with a young woman. Sofia tries to hide Antonio's departure from the children, but her older son learns of it by eavesdropping in on a phone conversation. She asks him to not tell his younger siblings who believe their father is still away on business in Canada. Then, in a scene that makes me sad I never had a chance to see the film on the big screen, Cleo finds Fermín through Adela's boyfriend at an outdoor martial arts training class. It’s a rather epic scene, with hundreds of martial artists in a grid formation featuring a rather charismatic professional wrestler who challenges his student to close their eyes and stand on one leg. Only a watching Cleo manages, although no one but the audience notices. When Cleo finally finds Fermín his charming persona seen at the start of the film disappears and he threatens her to never look for him again. Months later Cleo is nearing her due date. Teresa takes her shopping for a crib in town. On their way to the store, they observe students gathering to protest in the streets. As they are browsing in the furniture store, the protests below turn murderous between police beatings, while bands of roving youths, implied to be the paramilitary group Los Halcones, randomly shoot at protesters. When a wounded man and a woman run into the store trying to hide, several youths find the man and kill him with a gunshot as the shop patrons take cover. Another gunman pointing a gun at Cleo turns out to be Fermín, who glares momentarily before running off with the other youths. Just then, Cleo's water breaks. Cleo, Teresa, and their driver try to get to the hospital quickly but are impeded by violence in the streets and car traffic. Cleo is rushed into the delivery room hours after going into labour. Antonio comes by to reassure her, but makes an excuse to avoid staying with her. The doctors hear no heartbeat in Cleo's womb and take her into surgery, where they deliver a stillborn baby girl. Multiple attempts to resuscitate the infant fail. The doctors give the body to Cleo for a few moments before taking it away. It is one of the saddest things I’ve ever seen. After a drunken attempt to park the family Ford Galaxie (the family’s prized car bought by Antonio) in the narrow garage area, Sofia buys a narrower car, but plans a final trip in the Galaxie for a family holiday to the beaches at Tuxpan, taking Cleo to help her cope with her loss. Sofia tells the children over dinner that she and their father are separated and that the trip is so their father can collect his belongings from their home. At the beach, the two smaller children are almost carried off by the strong current until Cleo wades into the ocean to save them from drowning even though she herself does not know how to swim. As Sofia and the children affirm their love for Cleo for such selfless devotion, she breaks down from intense guilt, revealing that she had not wanted her baby. Again, it is one of the saddest scenes I have ever seen but it is also quite magical. They return to their house, with the bookshelves gone and various bedrooms reassigned. Cleo prepares a load of washing, telling Adela she has much to tell her, as a plane flies overhead. The film is dedicated to Libo, who was the Cuarón family servant Cleo was based on (who is still alive and with the family). According to Cuarón, ninety percent of the scenes represented in the film are scenes taken out of his memory and every scene of the film was shot on location where the events depicted took place or on sets that were exact replicas. Cuarón was the only person on set to know the entire script and the direction of the film. Each day, before filming, the director would hand the lines to his cast, attempting to elicit real emotion and shock from his actors. Each actor would also receive contradictory directions and explanations, which meant that there was chaos on set every day. For Cuarón, "that's exactly what life is like: it's chaotic and you can't really plan how you'll react to a given situation". Roma was also filmed in sequence, which Yalitza Aparicio, who had never acted before, said actually helped her. It feels very authentic. How many directors would show a riot, that must have been a headache-inducing task of choreography, through the partially clear window on the second floor of a furniture shop? Cuarón actually became his own cinematographer when Emmanuel "Chivo" Lubezki became unavailable and I think he did an amazing job. Having decided to film in Mexico at real locations, Cuarón decided to embrace the constant stream of airbuses going overhead adding that planes are a symbol of a transient situation, stating that they remind us that there's a universe that is broader than the life that the film’s characters have. That is what I call authenticity – detailed visually and honest in its convictions. It is an indulgence but it is made out of love and out of thanks and I personally find that very hard to resist. Everything about the film is perfect. I’m not going to launch into the whole streaming debate – not again – but if cinema is really dead, then surely Roma would have been the film to revive it? Either way, it is a monumental achievement and a stunning piece of film making.

The Happy Prince

Dir: Rupert Everett

2018

*****

So many passion projects, whether they be made by actors, producers or directors, have become anticlimaxes, driven by obsession and determination that had been clouded by disillusionment and stubbornness over time. There are many example of film makers ignoring the changes that come with time, money woes and the financial worth of their efforts. I’m glad to say Rupert Everett’s passion project, a biopic of Oscar Wilde in his later years, is no such failure. Everett’s decade long project is better than I could have imagined and it is undoubtedly one of the best films of the year. There are few great films were the writer and director also play the leading role and I struggle to think of many greater than The Happy Prince. His performance is spectacular and his script is perfect. It is also unbelievable that this is his first attempt at film direction, an incredible debut. The film is a reflection on Wilde’s life after prison, while alluding to his children’s story The Happy Prince and Other Tales. Everett manages to incorporate all of Wilde’s successes and failures, his pride and shame in later years, while celebrating one of England’s greatest writers. He also addresses classical myths and rights a couple of wrongs along the way. Everett, in perfectly Wilde style, had written promises from his friends Colin Firth and Emily Watson that they would participate in this film if he ever got it made. When Firth became famous and his busy schedule made it unsure if he would be able to keep his promise, Everett still got people to participate by stating that Firth had already signed on. This was such a passion project for Everett that he tried to get the movie made for ten years, all the while rejecting other film roles so that he would remain available if the project was ever green-lit. Firth and Everett previously appeared together in Oscar Wilde's The Importance of Being Earnest and Everett has previously played Oscar Wilde on stage in a revival of David Hare's 'The Judas Kiss', a play which covers a similar time span to this movie, that ran from September 2012 to April 2013. The film was, as they say, written in the sand. Alan Yentob has actually made a five-years-in-the-making documentary following Everett’s attempts to get his dream project off the ground. I hope it is available to watch soon. I knew very little about Wilde’s later days, only what I remember from Stephen Fry’s Wilde, which I remember wasn’t very much. However, this is no vanity project but one full of passion and love of his subject. This isn’t an Oscar for the sake of an Oscar (although he thoroughly deserves one). Everett gives us a Wilde that is vain, glorious and in the throes of the most terrible pain; this is a Wilde warts and all. He dominates every frame of the picture but has also assembled a superb supporting cast. Both Colin Morgan as Bosie and Edwin Thomas as Robbie Ross are fantastic, so too are Emily Watson as Constance and Firth as Reggie Turner – both staying true to their word and giving it everything they had. John Standing was also good as Wilde’s doctor and Tom Wilkinson, an actor familiar with many Wilde projects, was great as the priest who gives him the last rites. These may amount to nothing more than cameos but what glorious cameos they are. This is definitely an actor's film. It isn’t all about the acting though, as Everett immersed himself in all aspects of the story and became Wilde himself. I think this is why he displays a very keen visual eye and has produced such a stunning period piece which is far from run of the mill. Everett manages to capture Wilde’s rise and fall beautifully, taking in the poetry and tragedy in equal measure. Here is a film that is heartbreakingly sad and strangely uplifting at the same time, a real testament to Wilde's genius, (it's certainly the best Wilde movie to date), and one of the best LGBT-themed films of recent times. Why it wasn’t taken up by any of the major studios is beyond me. I think the icing on the cake was the dramatic ending where Everett took some factual liberties to right the many wrongs regarding Robbie Ross and Bosie. It shows that he had done his research, he knew these people and decided that he needed to show them, perhaps for the first time, as they really were. It is a masterpiece and I loved everything about it.