Bad Channels

Dir: Ted Nicolaou

1992

***

Bad Channels is an early 90s lost masterpiece. Okay, masterpiece is a bit of an exaggeration but if you love low budget, sci-fi b-movies, particularly those made by Full Moon Pictures, then you’ll understand where I’m coming from. Bad Channels is certainly a b-movie for the MTV generation, featuring lots of music and filmed as if it were a 90s music video, complete with slanted angles, luminous colours and plenty of smoke. Indeed, the film features real life MTV DJ Martha Quinn as an ace reporter. The film’s hero is also a music DJ, very much of the Howard Stern variety (before Howard Stern became a nationwide name). “Dangerous” Dan O’ Dare is coming to the end of an on air marathon whereby he is playing Ompa music on a loop (and has been for several days) until a caller can guess the secret code that opens a safe holding the keys to the chains he has attached himself to, in order to free himself and stop the terrible music. His stunt makes nationwide news, the fact that the news reporter guesses the code correctly gains him even more notoriety and he finds himself noticed by a couple of aliens flying above earth. Realising that Dan’s radio station is unique in its power suitability, popularity and geographical position, the two aliens (Cosmo and Lump) invade the radio station and take Dan hostage. Listeners understandably think it’s yet another prank by the trickster disc jockey and listen in in droves, not realising it is all happening for real. It’s already pretty weird but it gets weirder still. Cosmo and Lump use the radio station to pump out music video style visions to young female listeners. Certain types of young female listeners (very attractive ones) find themselves in the middle of their own music videos and find the urge to ‘rock out’ impossible to succumb to. Once fully ‘rocked out’, they somehow find themselves transported to the radio station and shrunken into little test tubes the aliens brought with them. The music is supplied by The Blue Oyster Cult, and I challenge anyone not to find themselves ‘rocking out’ (but not shrinking into a bottle) to it. It’s ridiculous, absurd and above all silly, but there is something extremely likable about it. It has ‘cult favourite’ written all over it, although I’m not sure it has quite reached those dizzying heights as such. It wasn’t great when it came out in 1992 but I would argue that it is now something of a nostalgic gem. All the stuff I really loved in the early 90s I still mostly love, however, there are quite a few exceptions. A lot of it has dated badly and wasn’t much good at all looking back at it. So watching Bad Channel again now, parodying a lot of that bad stuff is actually quite fascinating. The reality is that at best it’s a poor man’s Joe Dante (think 1985’s Explorers rather than Gremlins), although there are a few of us who will defend it to the bitter end. One of the best things about bad Channels however is the post-credit scene featuring none other than Full Moon Character Brick Bardo aka Dollman. He rather selfishly steals the films funniest line for himself and wanders towards the radio station in search of tiny sexy ladies, who need the comfort only a 13 inch man can give them. He and Nurse Ginger find themselves fighting killer toys in 1993’s Dollman vs. Demonic Toys and if anything, you have to thank Bad Channels for that (and Nurse Ginger).