No Man's Land
Dir: Peter Werner
1987
****
He’s no Herzog, but Peter Werner’s cheesy 1987 crime drama No Man’s Land is a classic that has been criminally overlooked for too long. The premise is so good that they copied it and built a multi-million franchise based on its concept (I’m talking about you Fast and the Furious). It’s basically a feature-length episode of Miami Vice which was also written by screenwriter Dick Wolf. I was eight years old and I couldn’t decide whether I wanted to be the good guy or the bad guy, both were cool, and Charlie Sheen and D. B. Sweeney made me want to wear sunglasses and drive fast cars. It’s about as 80s as a film can be. The film starts with an undercover detective shot dead while investigating a string of Porsche 911 thefts. Lieutenant Vincent Bracey (Randy Quaid before he went nuts) assigns 22-year-old San Diego officer Benjamin "Benjy" Taylor (D. B. Sweeney) to infiltrate a Porsche garage suspected to be a front for the grand theft auto scheme. Benjy is chosen because of his extensive mechanical knowledge of German cars and his rookie status, which dissuades others from suspecting that he is a cop. He looks like a sixteen year old boy desperate to not wet his pants. Bracey wants Benjy to obtain evidence that millionaire playboy Ted Varrick (Charlie Sheen) is the mastermind behind the thefts and the murder of the detective. Using the alias "Billy Ayles", Benjy moves to Los Angeles (sunglasses on) and gets a job at Technique Porsche as a mechanic. After Benjy fixes Ted's Porsche one night, the two men become close friends and Benjy becomes romantically attached to Ted's sister Ann (Lara Harris – who also made me want to wear sunglasses and drive fast cars to be honest). Benjy also discovers the presence of a rival syndicate led by Frank Martin (R. D. Call – who I still think has the best villainous face of all villainous faces), which leads him to believe that Ted is not the prime suspect despite Bracey's insistence. Eventually, Ted brings Benjy into his side business of stealing Porsches, with garage manager Malcolm (played by the mighty Bill Duke) coordinating the operations. Benjy's first few attempts at stealing cars fail miserably, with Martin's syndicate catching on and slashing his hand as a warning. While doing a job at the mall, Benjy and Ted are confronted by Frank and his thugs, but they manage to lose them in one of the most underrated car chases of the 1980s. Ted rewards Benjy with a red Porsche that night. The next day, Ted goes to Technique Porsche and finds Malcolm has been murdered. In retaliation, he kills Frank at a night club. During a phone conversation at a party, corrupt police Lieutenant Curtis Loos - who was hired by Ted to take out the detective in the film's opening - tells Ted about Benjy's real identity. The next night, Ted has Benjy meet Loos at a warehouse for a payoff. When Loos tries to kill Benjy, Ted runs him over to save his friend in spite of what he knows. Later, Benjy stops at Bracey's house to inform him of what happened with Loos, and accuses the Lieutenant of conspiring with him. Bracey kicks Benjy out, but tells him to call in the morning so they can work things out. Benji drives off, unaware that Ted is nearby, spying on him. The next day, Benjy's cover is blown in front of Ann when his uncle Mike pays him a visit at his apartment. He goes to Bracey's house, only to find that Ted has murdered him. Ted is preparing to flee the country when Benjy convinces him to meet up at the mall, where he tries to arrest Ted for the murders. Ted refuses to go quietly and a gunfight breaks out; Benjy is wounded, but manages to shoot and kill Ted. These days I think I would have preferred it if the two had just kissed and run off together, as that was clearly what they wanted to do but at the time this was it for me and I loved every second of it. It hasn’t dated that well in the classical sense but there is something about it that I think has aged well, such is lady nostalgia. It’s a pure gold 80s classic. I don’t expect younger viewers to enjoy it and it will no doubt appeal more to those that saw it the first time round but this is my guilty pleasure and I don’t particularly feel that guilty about it.