Ghoulies IV

Dir: Jim Wynorski

1994

*

It is fair to say that none of the Ghoulies films are masterpieces of horror. However, at least you can say of the first three films that they actually have Ghoulies in them. The first film took itself far too seriously as an occult horror. The second was fun but tried a little too hard to be a Spielbergian adventure, while the third film put the fun back into the franchise by taking itself a little less seriously and is probably the most watchable because of it. Ghoulies IV is something else entirely. The character Jonathan Graves (played by a returning Peter Liapis) from the first Ghoulies film is now a police detective, having given up his stint within the satanic priesthood. The film starts off as a very low budget TV police drama, with one-liners and cheesy glances and you wonder what the hell is going on. The film carries on in this vein for some time, I'm sure I wasn't the only person to have picked up the video box after fifteen minutes to check that I had rented the correct film. Soon enough though, a portal is opened and the occult stuff begins to happen. This is where the film really lost me. I quite liked it when it was a terrible cop drama, the horror element ruined it somewhat and the 'Ghoulies' that were eventually released were nothing at all like the Ghoulies of the previous films. Instead, Tony Cox and Arturo Gil emerge in rags and badly fitting masks. They talk to the camera and generally get in the way of the story. They serve no purpose whatsoever, almost like the film makers wanted to make a totally different film but knew that they had to insert some 'Ghoulies' somewhere but they didn't necessarily have to be the same that had been in the previous films. The excuse was that Cinetel Films couldn't afford the puppets of the previous films, which I can sort of believe, but to me that suggests that this is a production aimed at making a past buck and nothing more. There is no passion here, it was made with a complete disregard to the fans, as many films at the end of a horror franchise were. How these production companies thought they could succeed is beyond me, I had no sympathy when they all shut down, good riddance. I like a bad horror movie more than most people but Ghoulies IV is fraud in many respects and deserves nothing but contempt. It makes other bad horror films look bad (or should that be good?).

Ghoulies III: Ghoulies Go to College

Dir: John Carl Buechler

1991

***

There are three things about the third instalment of the Ghoulies franchise that I admit I have a soft spot for. Firstly, it was made in 1991. Films of its ilk had had their day in the mid-eighties. I missed them, as awful as many of them were, so this felt like a last hurrah in many respects. Secondly, the film takes itself far less seriously than the first two films. Ghoulies was much more about the occult than the poster led the public to believe and the second one tried far too hard to be an 80's Spielbergian adventure film. Thirdly, the writers realized that the previous films didn't work as well as they resisted what the audience expected. The cinema-going public wanted to see the Ghoulies coming out of the toilet. However, Ghoulies III goes further. Not only do the Ghoulies come out of the most elaborate toilet you've ever seen, they also talk! The third film of every horror franchise is incorrectly regarded as the worst and I couldn't disagree more with the statement. The great Kevin McCarthy, who plays a college lecturer, summons the Ghoulies accidentally after reading a confiscated comic-book aloud. It is never made clear why the satanic spells are in the comic in the first place but these little details are not important and anyway, 80's horror logic states that comic books are all bad and most 80's parents and newspapers would agree anyway. Ghoulies Go to College is what it says it is, The Ghoulies go to college and kill students for no real reason, other than because this is exactly the sort of film college kids watch late at night after they've had a few beers too many. Anyway, the story isn't important, the bad acting doesn't matter and the awful directing can be overlooked. The Ghoulies can talk and that is all that matters. Not only do they talk but they are voiced by voice-artist legends Bob Bergen and Patrick Pinney and a person favourite actor Richard Kind. They also wear clothes. After watching the first two film I realized that this is what I had wanted all along. I'm easily pleased, I don't need a plot, intelligent dialogue or special effects, I just needed a cheap and tacky Gremlins rip-off. I hate 'frat-boy' college films but watching annoying youth of yesteryear being killed by talkative slimy puppets will always be my idea of time well spent.

Ghoulies II

Dir: Albert Band

1988

**

I saw always led to believe that Ghoulies II was better than the first film, so I was disappointed when I found out that it wasn't the case. The problem the first film suffered from the most was a distinct lack of Ghoulies but in Ghoulies II, the problem is that there are too many of them and they just don't seem to know what to do with them. The prospect of watching the Ghoulies (who managed to escape the haunted manor of the first film) wreaking havoc in a spooky themed traveling funhouse was an appealing one, the possibilities, I thought, were endless. However, the writers seem to have suffered from a complete lack of imagination, quite shocking really considering that the hugely enjoyable and inventive Gremlins was already four years old by this point. There are elements I like though, I liked Phil Fondacaro's Shakespearian Dwarf Sir Nigel Pennyweight, it stars Royal Dano who is a bit of a cult legend (even though he wasn't brilliant in this), the 80s punks that were nothing like real punks got what was coming and the plus sized Ghoulie at the end was hilarious. I'm not too sure why the priest thought a gas station was the most appropriate location in which to send pint-sized demons back to hell but it was pretty cool when he fell into the big vat of acid. I'm not sure why a gas station would have a big vat of acid in the middle of it either but it's not important, someone melted and that's the main thing. It was also ice to see someone finally get bitten on their derriere as was promised on both film's posters. It was a apparently a last minute decision and it looks it too but I'm glad they buckled under the pressure but considering that it was the major criticism that the few hard-core fans had, you would have thought they would have made more of it. You've got to give the viewers what they want, especially when making a cheap b-movie horror. This film has a complete lack of direction, I'm sure producer Charles Band had other things on his mind at the time, his company was losing money so he asked his father, Albert Band to direct it for him and he sold the rights soon after the film came out, but with that kind of attitude and lack of regard to what you're doing, it is no surprise the end result was rubbish. Watching such a badly made film in glorious looking Blu-ray is very strange I must say, I'm not sure the format has ever seen such an unnecessary addition.

Ghoulies

Dir: Luca Bercovici

1984

***

Ghoulies is one of those comedy horror films of the 1980s that found notoriety thanks to a brilliant VHS cover. Originally titled 'Beasties', the film was meant to be directed by Charles Band of Empire Pictures fame, featuring the special effects and puppetry of the mighty Stan Winston (Jurassic Park, The Thing, Predator). Band directed a segment of Ragewar (AKA The Dungeonmaster) instead while Winston made a little film called the The Terminator, leaving Luca Bercovici with directional duties and John Carl Buechler (who would go on to direct Ghoulies III: Ghoulies Go To College and Troll) in charge of the puppets. The acting is fairly awful and the story a little ridiculous but these things are unimportant in cheesy b-movie horror. The real shame is that there is a distinct lack of Ghoulies, somewhat of a problem when a. the poster promises Ghoulies and b. the film is called Ghoulies. Unlike Jaws, less isn't more when it comes to low budget horror. The VHS cover is glorious and always had me transfixed when I would gaze up at it on the shelf of my local video store in the late 80s. It basically shows a little green Ghoulie puppet popping out the top of a toilet with the tag line 'They'll get you in the end'. Utterly brilliant and if there was an Oscar for best poster it would have been sure-fire winner. The film is a bit rubbish, it is this image alone that gave it it's cult following. However, the film is in so bad its good territory and thanks to a couple of choice scenes, it's a firm three star film. The Ghoulies themselves could have been better but their awakening scene is glorious, as is the scene when one finally did come up the toilet, although it doesn't make any sense and was clearly put in to match the promotional image. Some of the better horror scenes actually come courtesy of Michael Des Barres' devil-worshiping character. Des Barres, who has clearly found his inner Klaus Kinski, appears in the two best scenes of the film, the first being when he suddenly pops out of his own grave, mouth wide open and then when he turns into an older woman and extends his tongue around one of the teenage party guest's neck. The film is at its best when it isn't taking itself too seriously, personally I think it could have ditched the devil worshiping type story line and the Ghoulies themselves could have come from elsewhere but it's all good. It just needed more Ghoulies and more toilets.