Ghoulies III: Ghoulies Go to College

Dir: John Carl Buechler

1991

***

There are three things about the third instalment of the Ghoulies franchise that I admit I have a soft spot for. Firstly, it was made in 1991. Films of its ilk had had their day in the mid-eighties. I missed them, as awful as many of them were, so this felt like a last hurrah in many respects. Secondly, the film takes itself far less seriously than the first two films. Ghoulies was much more about the occult than the poster led the public to believe and the second one tried far too hard to be an 80's Spielbergian adventure film. Thirdly, the writers realized that the previous films didn't work as well as they resisted what the audience expected. The cinema-going public wanted to see the Ghoulies coming out of the toilet. However, Ghoulies III goes further. Not only do the Ghoulies come out of the most elaborate toilet you've ever seen, they also talk! The third film of every horror franchise is incorrectly regarded as the worst and I couldn't disagree more with the statement. The great Kevin McCarthy, who plays a college lecturer, summons the Ghoulies accidentally after reading a confiscated comic-book aloud. It is never made clear why the satanic spells are in the comic in the first place but these little details are not important and anyway, 80's horror logic states that comic books are all bad and most 80's parents and newspapers would agree anyway. Ghoulies Go to College is what it says it is, The Ghoulies go to college and kill students for no real reason, other than because this is exactly the sort of film college kids watch late at night after they've had a few beers too many. Anyway, the story isn't important, the bad acting doesn't matter and the awful directing can be overlooked. The Ghoulies can talk and that is all that matters. Not only do they talk but they are voiced by voice-artist legends Bob Bergen and Patrick Pinney and a person favourite actor Richard Kind. They also wear clothes. After watching the first two film I realized that this is what I had wanted all along. I'm easily pleased, I don't need a plot, intelligent dialogue or special effects, I just needed a cheap and tacky Gremlins rip-off. I hate 'frat-boy' college films but watching annoying youth of yesteryear being killed by talkative slimy puppets will always be my idea of time well spent.

Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood

Dir: John Carl Buechler

1988

**

Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood isn't the worst Friday the 13th film but it's really not the best either. The story taps into a recurrent theme in horror films of the late 80s, the ability of telekinesis. Much like all the other horror films that feature the mythical ability, the makers really didn't understand how it worked or what it meant. It's possibly the most contrived way they could have found to resurrect the series' familiar foe. I love Mr. Kane Hodder, I've met him in real life and he is a lovely man. However, I found Jason in the Friday the 13th far more frightening. Jason had lost that bulky clumsiness that made him human and a bit more real, now he is just like Hulk Hogan in a mask. I guess it's only fair, given that he's no longer a man and more of a supernatural force, but still. Tom Savani does a great job as always but even he can't make up for what is possibly the worst ending to a film ever. The telekinesis story-line was bad enough but the way the film makers try to recreated the only aspect that made the first film great was tacky and bordering on sacrilege. Even for a cheap 80's horror sequel, it lost the little integrity it had. Thank goodness they got the hell out of Crystal Lake for the next chapter.

Troll
Dir: John Carl Buechler
1986
***
Troll 2 seems to get spoken about far more than the original film, which is far more interesting. Both are bad films but there is something quite beautiful about John Carl Buechler's 1986 original. Firstly, Sony Bono turns into a forest. What other film can claim that? Not only does Cher's ex bloom out of existence, but Dr. Maureen Robinson from Lost in Space talks to a giant Mushroom face and enchanted sprites (who have taken over an apartment block) sing to their hearts content in one of the best musical numbers (sort of) of all time. It's low budget horror/fantasy that I love the 80's for. I also love it when SFX and make-up artists being film directors, they're films are consistently awful but always brilliant. 1982's Poltergeist is famous for young Heather O'Rouke's performance but Jenny Beck is almost as good as the little girl possessed by the Troll. Interestingly, both the father and son of the main family are called Harry Potter, and I've always wondered if J.K. Rowling was a fan. Troll also represents the acting debut of Julia Louis-Dreyfus, she's quite good too but she's often shied away from talking about on talk shows and obviously isn't too fond of it. I've seen some bad films, this is one of them but it is definitely of the 'So bad it's good' variety. Often in low budget films, particularly in horror, creativity undoes negativity and this is a good example of this. Unlike Troll 2 which is absolute crap.