Bad Santa 2

Dir: Mark Waters

2016

*

Not many films deserve a sequel and far fewer receive one that is as good as or better than the original. Bad Santa was well received, indeed, back in 2003 is came as a very welcome addition to the seasonal genre and something of a breath of fresh air. Written by Glenn Ficarra and John Requa, with input from executive producers The Coen Brothers, Bad Santa was as bleak, droll and hilarious as you would expect. Terry Zwigoff was an inspired choice for director and it suited him perfectly. There were issues between the Coens, Zwigoff and Miramax producers the Weinsteins but it all turned out good in the end. It was low down and dirty, but funny and in the end rather heartfelt, which was a surprise, making it a genuinely touching film. It really didn’t need a follow up. By 2016 there were many failed sequels, so really, Bad Santa 2 had to be something special. It could not have been more horrid. It had to be ace, the only other option was to fool people into thinking it would be good and playing on the name of the first film and they went for the latter. Do Billy Bob Thornton, Kathy Bates or Octavia Spencer need the work this badly? Did they get paid more than their usual salary? You know a film is bad when you can whole-heartedly say it is the worst movie Tony Cox has ever been in. It relies on the name, the characters and familiarity but tarnished the name, messes up the character dynamics and isn’t even that similar to the original – while also being just like it. The humour in the first film was a bit sharp and a bit dark, Bad Santa 2 started off wonderfully bleak but soon descended into the most repulsive gross-out nonsense that had it’s day well over a decade ago. It will appeal only to grubby-minded 13 year old boys, and even then there are more attractive films out there for them. People (filmmakers) often confuse comedy with shock, it is true that in times of extreme shock people can laugh but there is absolutely o danger of that here unless you have something very wrong with you. Brett Kelly put on vast amounts of weight that he had struggled to lose as a child to reprise his role as Thurman Merman. That has to be one of the most tragic things I have ever heard. None of the writers or producers from the first film returned and it shows. Mark Waters and Shauna Cross clearly didn’t get the original Bad Santa, either that or they simply wanted to (or were hired to) produce a cheap cash-in. I’m not sure who, why and what the hell were they thinkings, and I don’t want to either. It shouldn’t have ever happened and I feel stupid for falling for the same old fraudulent trick. Bad Santa has zero redeeming features. None. It has got to be one of the worst Christmas films and worst alternative Christmas films ever made – and there is a lot of competition. I would rather watch a Christmas film starring Dean Cain, a Labrador and a pair of annoying children that was clearly filmed during the summer. If I’m being honest, I’d rather stick a Christmas tree in my eye and pull it out the other end than watch Bad Santa ever again. What a sack of coal.

Ghosts of Girlfriends Past
Dir: Mark Waters
2009
*
Mark Waters' 2009 romantic comedy Ghosts of Girlfriends Past is a dreadful film that is a good example of the worst of Hollywood and how brain-dead ideas can still get the green light. It will also have Charles Dickins spinning in his grave no doubt. How can you even have Ghosts of people who aren't even dead yet? There have been some pretty bad reworkings of a Christmas Carol but this has to be the very worst by far. There is nothing good about this film whatsoever, it's insulting to all who watch it. It's been pointed out to me in the past when discussing this film that it isn't meant for me, it is a chick flick but unless you are a stupid women with very little self respect that doesn't mean anything to me.

Mr. Popper's Penguins
Dir: Mark Waters
2011
*
After reading up on Richard Atwater's original story it is clear to see it would need updating for a modern retelling. However, any magic Atwater's 1939 novel had was urinated on, frozen and sold to kids as a new flavour of Popsicle. I like Penguins, you like Penguins, we like Penguins and so film producers like Penguins. Penguins equal money at the box office, so you could probably make a badly written film that was loosely based on a much loved kids story, stick the most irritating man in the lead role, make misjudged suggestions on ideology, marriage and the difficulties of parenthood (because Kids just love hearing about how hard it is to have kids, be a grown-up, get divorced etc), include poor quality CGI and a sickeningly sweet (not to mention pointless) sub-plot about a restaurant and you'll probably still make money. If you think that buying a child a Penguin to make up for missing their school performances because you selfishly have to work for a living is fun idea I think you need to recheck the definition of fun. If you think that you have to somehow make it up to your kids for missing their school performances/sporting events etc because you selfishly have to work for a living then you are a fool, this film is all yours!

Just Like Heaven
Dir: Mark Waters
2005
*
Much like Ghosts of Girlfriends Past, I generally dislike this film due to the fact that the Ghost in question is not actually dead. You can't have a Ghost without a dead person. Them the rules damn it!!! That said, to take this film seriously would be foolish. It is what it is, it's crap but it's harmless crap. The nicest thing I can say about it is that I didn't totally hate it and it is slightly better than Ghosts of Girlfriends Past.

Mean Girls
Dir: Mark Waters
2004
***
I quite liked Mean Girls. I'm not just saying that to try to appeal to a young female audience either, I honestly believe it has certain qualities. It's better than most films aimed at young teenage Girls, not that I've seen many mind you. Honest! I loved the scene with the Bus and the performances are actually very good, I even laughed out loud on more than one occasion.