Call Me Claus

Dir: Peter Werner

2001

**

2001's Call Me Claus is a cross between Miracle on 34th Street and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, with a little bit of Ernest Saves Christmas thrown in, although not as good as any of those films. The film starts in the late 60's, a little girl asks Santa to bring her father home from the Vietnam War. Santa doesn't promise anything but his rather mouthy head Elf does. The little girl's father does indeed come home, that very night in fact, but unfortunately he's in a body-bag. Little Lucy blames Santa and hates Christmas as a result. Santa is riddled with guilt and isn't quite himself until he runs into Lucy thirty-five years or so later. Santa (played rather well by Nigel Hawthorne in what would be his last ever role) seeks out Lucy (Whoopi Goldberg) as his replacement as his two-hundred year stint as St Nick is nearly over. He has chosen Lucy as successor because she made his Santa hat glow. That isn't a euphemism either, you filthy animal. It seems that if Santa hasn't found a replacement by Christmas Eve on his two-hundredth year, the flood that Noah escaped will come back. It begs the question why Santa isn't mentioned in the Bible really but that would taking the whole thing far too seriously. It's just a truly terrible story, written by people without an ounce of creativity. I give it two stars rather than one because of Nigel Hawthorne's performance and because the humour is occasionally adult in its content, which I found refreshing for a cheap made for TV Christmas film.